Domestic Issues and Their Solutions

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“Our Lord, grant us of our spouses and children the delight of our eyes and make each of us a leader of the righteous.” Domestic Issues and Their Solutions Selection of Extracts from Pronouncements of Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (May Allah be his Helper)

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Domestic Issues and Their Solutions

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2 Originally published in Urdu as “Aailee Masaa’il Aur Un Ka Hal” in 2018 First English translation published in UK in 2018 © Islam International Publications Ltd.No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any form or by any means graphic, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, copying or information storage and retrieval systems without permission of the publisher.Published by Lajna Imaillah UK, Baitul Nusrat, 75 Gressenhall Road SW18 5QH London Printed in the UK at: Raqeem Press, Farnham Translated by: Shermeen Butt ISBN: 978 - 1 - 84880 - 316 - 9

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3 Domestic Issues and Their Solutions Extracts of Pronouncements of Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (May Allah be his Helper)

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4 Preface My discourses on marital issues are based on current affairs.Lajna and Nasirat should read these and put them in practice.Lajna branches should also keep them in view and time and again reread them in meetings and other sessions.May Allah the Exalted en able Lajna Ima’illah to act upon them.Ameen.Mirza Masroor Ahmad Khalifatul Masih V

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5 In the name of Allah The Most Gracious The Ever Merciful We praise Him and invoke His blessings on His noble Prophet Foreword Syedna Ameer ul Momineen Hazrat Khalifatu l Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) has given extensive sagacious guidance and has made many pronouncements concerning everyday marital issues and their solutions in light of teachings of Islam in his Friday sermons as well as at Jalsa Salana of various co untries, Ijtema of Lajna Ima’illah and other occasions.These are a beacon of light for successful married life.With the grace of Allah the Exalted Central Lajna Section is being enabled to collate this invaluable guidance and blessed counsel as printe d in various journals and books dating from the beginning of Huzoor e Anwer’s (may Allah be his Helper) Khilafat up till 2013 and publish it in book form.May Allah the Exalted accept this endeavour and in particular make it a source of blessing and guidanc e for Ahmadi ladies so that our family homes resemble paradise and become abodes of peace and security.Mahmood Malik Sahib (Life devotee working for the Additional Vakalat e Ishaat, London) and the Publications Department of Lajna Ima’illah UK has assiste d Lajna Section team through the various stages of completion and publication of this book.May Allah reward them.Humbly Rehana Ahmad In - Charge Lajna Section

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6 Contents Preface by Hazrat Ameer ul Momineen Khalifatul Masih V (May Allah be his Helper) Forewo rd Quranic Verses Read at the Time of Nikah ………………… …………………………… …………… ……….11 Islamic Nikah …………………………… ………… ……..............14 Islamic Nikah: A Pledge.………………… … ………… ………..14 Marriage: Contract between Husband and Wife ….…..…19 Nikah and Purpose of Marriage …………… ……...2 4 Source of the Continuation of Human Species … … …….24 Truthfulness [Qawl e sadeed] : Foundation of Stable Relationships ………………………………………………..……..29 Injustices of In - Laws Owing to Lack of both Truthfulness [ Qawl e Sadeed ] and Righteousness ….…..31 Islam : A Com plete Code of Conduct … …… …..…36 Husband and Wife are A Garment for Each Other ….…38 Controlling Anger ……………………………………… ……….….41

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7 Societal Role of Husband and Wife … …….……..48 Prayers for One’s Life Partner and Children …… ……..…51 Lack of Mutual Love between Parents and its Negative Impact on Children ……………………… ……………………..… 57 Blessings of Saying Assalamo alaikum …… ……… ………..58 Lofty Standards of Good Conduct ………… ……..60 Good Conduct to wards Parents ……………………… ……….60 Kindness to Close Familial Ties: Rights of Relatives ………………………… …………………….……… ……… 64 Importance of Kindness toward Close Familial Ties ….65 Good Conduct towards Relatives …………….…… ……… …69 Men are Guardians over Women …………………… …….…72 Joint Family System ……………………………………… ……...89 Some Causes of Marital Problems ……… …… ….95 Levelling Ac cusations and Ill Treatment of w ives ……..95 Greed and Lack of Sense of Honour in Husbands …….103 Unfair Demands …………………………………………… ……..107 Eyeing Wife’s Wealth and Property ………………… ……..111

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8 Significance of Haq Mehr ……………… …….…….116 Abiding by Promises and Payment of Haq Mehr ….…..116 Wife’s Rights Regarding Haq Mehr.……………… ……..…119 Some Causes of Acrimony in Relationships ….125 Marriage Not of One’s Choice …………… ………… …………125 Egotism: A Mountain of Problems ……………… ……….…128 Lack of Tolerance ……………………………………… ……….…131 Lack of Trust Due to Falsehood …………………… ………...133 Falsehood and False Testimony …………………… …….….135 Lack of Contentment and Trust in Allah ………… ……....137 Unfair Wishes and Demands of Wives …………… ……….138 Sagacious Teaching For Peaceful Married Lif e…………………………………………………….…….148 Patience and Fortitude …………………………… ……….…..148 Gratefulness ………………………………………………… ……...149 Complete Faithfulness to Husband a nd Motivation to engage in Isti g h far …………………………………… …..……… 152 Facing Difficult Times with Prayers, Alms - giving, Repentance and Istighfar …… ……………… ……… …..…….153

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9 Important Role of Tongues, Ears and Eyes in Married Life …………………………………………… …………………… ……157 Compliant Wife and Righteous Husband ………… …....160 Obligations of Husbands ………………… ……..….162 Good Conduct towards Family …………………… ……… …162 Conditions of takin g Multiple Wives and Rights of First Wife …………………………………………………… ……………....164 Rights of the Wife Owed to her by her Husband ………172 Attitude of Husbands and Counsel for Them ……..…… 178 Each Individual is a Guardian/Shepherd ………… ……..180 Divorce or Khula ……………………………… … …...184 Rights of Divorced Women …………………………… …… … 186 Exemplary Role Model of a Companion (may Allah be pleased with him) of the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) ……………………………………… …………………… …….190 Sensitivity to a Woman’s Emotions ………………… …… … 197 Important Role of a n Ahmadi Woman and Her Responsibilities …………… ………….…………… ……..… 201 Role of Women In Society ………………… …….……………201

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10 Protect Your Children from Ill - Thinking of Oth ers and Resentment ……………………………… …………..…………….205 Woman as Wife ……………………………………… ……..…….206 Woman as Mother ……… ……………………………… …….… 207 Woman as a Guardian of the Family Home …… ….….…213 Adv ice of Ummul Momineen Hazrat Amm an Jan (may Allah be pleased with her) …………….……… ………… ….…218 Daughters are a Source of Protection from Hell Fire ……………………………………………..……………… … …...222 Role of Frien ds of Both Parties ……….……………… … …..223 Advice to Office - Holders ………….…… …… ….….226 Advice and Admonition to Office - Holders..…… …….…226 Responsibilities of Lajna Ima’illah ……………..…… …….230 Solution to Problems: Istighfar …………………..…… …….231 A Comprehensive Message …………… …….……..23 2 ***

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11 Quranic Verses Read at the time of Nikah ٍ ّلََِی ۡ خَلَقَکُّم ۡ مَِن ۡ نََفۡس یٰۤاَیَُّہَا النََاس ُّ اتََقُّوۡا رَبََکُّم ُّ ا ًلا وََاحِدَۃ ٍ و ََ خَلَق َ مِنۡہَا زَوۡجَہَا و َ بَث ََ مِنۡہُّمَا رِجَا َ ّلََِی ۡ تَس َٓاءَلُّوۡن َ بِہ ٖ و َ ا ّللَہ ۚ و َ اتََقُّوا ا ا ِۡیۡا ا و ََ نِس َٓاء کَث ﴾ ۲ ﴿ لَیۡکُّم ۡ رَقِیۡباا َ َ کَان َ ع ّللَہ اِن ََ ا ؕ َ ًلَۡرۡحَام ا ا ا سَدِیۡد ًۡلا َ و َ قُّوۡلُّوۡا قَو ّللَہ مَنُّوا اتََقُّوا ا ہ ّلََِیۡن َ ا یٰۤاَیَُّہَا ا ﴾ ۷۱ ﴿ َ و ؕ ۡ یَُّصۡلِح ۡ لَکُّم ۡ اَعۡمَالَکُّم ۡ و َ یَغۡفِر ۡ لَکُّم ۡ ذُّنُّوۡبَکُّم ﴾ ۷۲ ا ﴿ ا ا عَظِیۡم ا َۡلَٗ فَقَد ۡ فَاز َ فَوۡز َ و َ رَسُّو ّللَہ مَن ۡ یَُّطِع ِ ا َ و َ لۡتَنۡظُّر ۡ نَفۡس ٌ مََا ّللَہ مَنُّوا اتََقُّوا ا ہ ّلََِیۡن َ ا ہَا ا َُّ یٰۤاَی ِۡیٌٌۡۢ بِمَا َ خَب ّللَہ اِن ََ ا ؕ َ ّللَہ ٍ ۚ و َ اتََقُّوا ا قَدََمَت ۡ لِغَد ﴾ ۱۹ تَعۡمَلُّوۡن َ ﴿

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12 Translation: ‘O ye people! fear your Lord, Who created you from a single being and created therefrom its mate, and from the two spread many men and women; and fear Allah, in Whose name you appeal to one another, and fear Him particularly respecting ties of relationship.Verily, Allah watches over you.’ (Surah Al Nisa, verse 2) ‘O ye who believe! fear All ah, and say the right word.He will reform your conduct for you and forgive you your sins.And whoso obeys Allah and His Messenger, shall surely attain a mighty success.’ (Surah Al Ahzab, verses 71 - 72) O ye who believe! fear Allah; and let every soul look to what it sends forth for the morrow.And fear Allah; verily Allah is Well - Aware of what you do.(Surah Al Hashr, verse 19) ***

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13 Guidance of Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) ‘ Enjoining husband and wife to find good qualities in each other, the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said that if you see a flaw in the other or di slike a habit of theirs , there would be many things about them that you may like and admire.These favourable aspects should be kept in view to s elflessly create a harmonious air and milieu of conciliation.’ ( Friday sermon delivered on 2 July 2004 at International Centre, Mississauga, Canada.Published in Al Fazl International, 16 July 2004)

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14 Islamic Nikah: A Pledge ‘ The wisdom of the announce ment of the Islamic nikah or the bond of marriage is that according to the commandment of Allah the Exalted , man and woman who are forming the union of husband and wife pledge at the time of nikah that they will try to abide by the Divine commandments read before them and will try to abide by the Quranic verses recited before them at the time of nikah so that they may adapt their lives according ly.The foremost advice [at the announcement of nikah] is to adopt righteousness [ تقوی taqwa].Therefore when one is giving the consent for one’s nikah, one is agreeing to abide by the Divine commandments that are recited at the time.If you truly have love and fear of God, of the Beloved God Who has taken care of all your needs from your birth, in fact even prior to your birth, then you will always do what pleases Him and as a result will be a recipient of His blessings.When husband and wife form a union by virtue of a pledge and promise to care for each other it becomes their obligation that in order to further i mprove their bond , they also care for one another’s relatives.I t should be remembered that attacks of those who seek to create splits in relationships will never be successful if husband and wife care for each other and each other’s sentiments and also ca re and respect their friends and relatives because the

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15 surroundings also inf luence matters.Since your foundation will be up on righteousness, God Almighty will save those who abide by righteousness from the attacks of satanic inclinatio ns.If husband and w ife abide by righteousness and build confidence in each other, no matter how close or persuasive the inciter is, the husband or the wife will respond to them by informing them that they know their spouse well and the husband or the wife will respond to the inciter by saying they must have misunderstood something and the husband or wife will immediately offer to resolve the matter! If the person who takes some news regarding one party to the other party is honest t he y will never say , ‘ do not mention my name when you ask your husband or wife, I have not told you this so that you may go and question your spouse.’ If someone says something and then asks for it to not be communicated further, you should know then that t he y are trying to create s plits in the relat ionship and are creating distances and are using falsehood.A sympathetic person who wishes to make things better will always say something which will strengthen the relationship between husband and wife.Both hus band and wife should always strive to abid e by righteousness, and pray for the relationship to grow stronger and have regard for the respective relatives.If they hear something, no matter if it is from someone very close to them , both husband and wife should clear it all u p by talking to each oth er lovingly and affection ately so that the person telling lies is exposed.If such matters are allowed to fester

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16 nothing will be gained apart from hatred , and distances will ensue and break - ups will take place.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 10 November 200 6 at Baitul Futuh, London.Published in Al Fazl International 1 December 2006) Similarly, while advising husbands and wives to keep in view each other’s good qualities, Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) stated: ‘ Enjoining husband and wife to find go od qualities in each other, the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said that if you see a flaw in the other or dislike a habit of theirs, theirs, there would be many aspects/characteristics of theirs that you may like and admire.These f avourable aspects should be kept in view to selflessly create a harmonious air and milieu of conciliation.This counsel is for both husband and wife; if they control their emotions , constant trivial conflic ts and quarrels in families will not arise and chi ldren will not be damaged.Sometimes trivial matters are so blown out of proportion and painful situations are created that one is perplexed at the very thought that there are peopl e in this world who are humans in name only but are worse than animals in reality.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 2 July 2004 at International Centre, Mississauga, Canada.Published Al Fazl International, 16 July 2004)

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17 At another occasion Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said: ‘ Marriage is also a contract between a man and a woman.A woman is commanded that in light of thi s pact she has some obligations.F or example, she must look after the needs of her husband, nurture the children, looking after the household etc.Likewise, men have the responsibility of providing for the family and they have the responsibility of the varied needs pertaining to this.Both husband and wife have joint responsibility of the virtuous upbringing of children.The more husband and wife care for the rights of each other while abiding by this pact, the more beautiful society will become.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 19 December 2003 at Baitul Futuh, London.Published Al Fazl International, 13 February 2004) Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) recit ed verse 2 of Surah Al Nisa in his address to lad ies at Jalsa Salana Germany and gave advice regarding it.Huzoore An wer said: ‘The verse that I have just recited is recited at the time of nikah.In it Allah the Exalted states, O people, men and women! Fear Allah the Exalted and abide by His commandmen ts.Pay the rights of Allah the Exalted an d also pay the rights of people.By paying the rights of Allah the Exalted you will have His fear

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18 in your heart and your mind will not stray and you will stay firm on religion.Satan will not be able to overcome yo u.If you pay the rights of people , which is a commandment for both men and women, firstly men and women will discharge their responsibilities towards each other and will regard and be mindful of each other’s rights.They will make their homes hubs of love and affection and will fulfil the rights of their children.They will give time to their children and will give attention to their education and trai ning.Rather than a child learning something from outside, there are many matters that parents have to tea ch their children.A l oving connection should be forged with each other’s parents and siblings [in - laws] and their rights should be fulfilled.This res ponsibility is not only for women rather it is also the responsibility of men.This would bring about a l oving and tolerant society where there would be no question of fighting for one’s rights because attention would be given to wards fulfilling ea ch other’s rights.Each man and woman would strive towards making a sacrifice in order to to fulfil each other’s rights.’ (Address delivered to ladies on 23 August 2003 at Jalsa Salana Germany.Published Al Fazl International 18 November 2005)

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19 Marriage is a Contract between Husband and Wife The Quranic verses Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) chose for recita tion before his Jalsa Salana UK 2011 address were the verses which are read at the time of nikah.Thus, Huzoor e Anwer said in his address: ‘After coming together in the relationship of husband and wife, they become a unit.This is the relationship and the bond from which the next generation ensues.If this unit and couple does not have righteousness, then there is also no guarantee for the righteousness of the next generation.There is also no guarantee for the high morals and righteousness of society, bec ause it is from the multiplication of that very unit that society expands.’ Huzoor e Anwer added: ‘ Therefore, while true believer s try their best to fulfil their pledge made with their God, t he y also try their best to fulfil the pledge made with human kind.As I said yesterday as well, without discharging dues of human kind the standards of discharging the dues of Allah cannot be attained.Cracks begin to appear in this regard too and once a crack appears in a utensil it gradually increases in size.Thus, fulf illing dues of human kind is also very important and in this instance the dues of husband and wife on each other are very significant.Their significance is for the

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20 betterment of society and the next generation.Therefore, it is a huge responsibility of a t rue believer to fulfil them.The reason Allah the Exalted has drawn attention to the rights of husband and wife and the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) selected these verses for the time of nikah is so that husband and wife discharge each other’s rights while staying firm on righteousness.Then alone would they be able to fulfil the trusts of Allah the Exalted and the pledges of faith in a proper manner as well as the trust and pledges of society.Thus, every believing man and believin g woman, every Ahmadi man and woman should remember that their covenants will only be fulfilled when they will try and fulfil the basic right of every relationship.’ (Address delivered on 23 July 2011 at Jalsa Salana UK.Published Al Fazl International 4 May 2012) Huzoo re Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said the following with reference to a hadith of the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) when giving very important advic e to members of the Jama’at regarding mutual relationships: ‘Hazrat Amir relates that he heard Nu’man bin Bashir (may Allah be pleased with him) say that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said ‘You will find believers as one body as regards their shared lifestyle, love and affection.

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21 When any one l imb of the body is not well, the rest of the body suffers with sleeplessness and fever.’ (Sahih Muslim, Kitabul Birre wa - silate wal adab, Babu Trahumil Mu’minee na wa ta’atufehem wa ta’a dhudihi m) May God make it so that you are able to see and feel any de veloping evil in your surroundings as one body! ’ Huzoor e Anwer added: ‘ The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said to all believers that after they were linked together they should feel each other’s pain.The bond between husband and wif e is even greater than such a link and is a stronger bond.It is a pact in which you hold God as your Witness and affirm that you will try and fulfil each other’s rights while staying firm on righteousness.You pledge with this affirmation and say that whi le staying firm on righteousness you will always be mindful as to which virtues you will send forward for the life to come.What are the virtues which will b e of use to us in our next life? And what will avail us in elevating our rank after death ? A nd what will also avail us in keeping our children virtuous? These pledges are made in light of the Divine warning that Allah the Exalted is All - Knowing.We can hide from the world what we will do or are doing in our lives to our partners but

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22 we cannot hide it fr om Allah the Exalted.He is aware of everything; He knows what is in the heart.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 24 June 2005 at International Centre, Toronto, Canada Published Al Fazl International 8 July 2005) ***

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23 Guidance of Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) ‘If the objective in view, then every step of a newly - wed couple will be taken with the thought that they are about to practice a commandment of Allah.When a person practices the commandment of Allah the Exalted , every a spect of his or her thought process tries to steer to that which garners the pleasure of Allah the Exalted.’ (Published in Al Fazl International, 8 June 2012)

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24 Nikah and Purpose of Marriage Source of the Continuation of Human Species Huzoor e Anwer (m ay Allah be his Helper) said the following in a nikah sermon at the time of announcement of a nikah at Fazl Mosque, London on 15 May 2011.‘Nikah and marriage is a means designed by Allah the Exalted to propagate the human species designed by Allah the Exa lted.Two families come together in this as do two people and Islam has called this a very commendable practice.Some Companions of the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said they would not get married and would lead celibate lives.Th e Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said one who does not practice my Sunnah is not from me.I get married, undertake business and also have children.Business here means engagements and responsibilities of life.’ Huzoor e Anwer added: ‘ Nikah is a fundamental commandment.Not only does it propagate one’s generation and runs society, it also protects one from many ills and propagates pious generation.Newly wed couples should always

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25 remember that marriage for adherents of any religion and in particular for adherents of Islam is not just for worldly comfort.Rather, it is in compliance with commandment of Allah the Exalted and to be put in practice to commence a pious new generation with prayers made to Allah the Exalted.’ Huzoor e Anwer also said: ‘Thus every Ahmadi couple should keep this in view at all times.With this objective in view every step of a newly - wed couple will be taken with the thought that they are about to practice a commandment of Allah.When man practices commandment of Al lah the Exalted every aspect of his thought process tries to steer to what garners the pleasure of Allah the Exalted.This enhances mutual relationships and one becomes caring towards the other and becomes mindful of t h e other’s feelings and sentiments.I n this way the bond and the mutual pact does not remain a worldly pact but becomes a pact to attain the pleasure of Allah the Exalted.This leads to pious children being born to the couple and this should be the objective of marriage for Ahmadi Muslim.’ (P ublished in weekly Al Fazl International, 8 June 2012) Huzoor e Anwer announced two nikahs on 8 July 2012 at Masjid Baitul Islam, Toronto, Canada.Huzoor e Anwer said during the N ikah sermon:

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26 ‘I will now announce a few nikahs.A lot is said about human psyc hology in the world today but even prominent expert psychologists could not come close to the way the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) understood human psychology.Keeping in view this understanding of psychology , the Holy Prophet (pea ce and blessings of Allah be on him) chose Quranic verses to be read at the time of nikah which emphasise righteousness.These verses also emphasise the importance of maintaining close family connections and emphasise honesty and also stress the importance of being mindful of what you have sent for the morrow.If these values were instilled in the newly married and in the relatives of the newly married, families on both sides, mother, father, sister and brother, the issues that usually cause cracks in relat ionships would never surface.These issues cause break ups and pain for both families.Sometimes they escalate so much that people get embroiled in court cases and then matters are brought to me and are a source of intense pain.Thus w hen settling a marri age, the girl and the boy and those involved in the arranging of the marriage should see that it is not done merely for worldly reasons, not simply for one’s own satisfaction and fulfilment of desires.Neither should matches be made to receive dowry from t he girl’s family nor should a girl’s physical beauty be prioritised when seeking a match, nor should the girl’s side opt for a match based on the boy’s large salary and wealth.The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said that the world h as different standards to

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27 select a matrimonial match and your standard should be that of spirituality.If spirituality is used as a benchmark, both boys and girls will try and enhance their spiritual levels.If the boy is asked to look for spirituality rat her than physical beauty or wealth, it would not only give girls the impetus to enhance their spirituality alongside other religious bounties that Allah the Exalted has granted, boys will also focus on enhancing their spirituality.Level of spirituality an d religious inclination cannot be one - sided.It cannot be that a boy is embroiled in i ndecencies , vulgarities and worldliness and wishes for his future wife to be very religious.Obviously if he wishes for his future bride to be inclined to religion , he wi ll also pay attention to it.This is why nikah sermon gives so much emphasis to righteousness.The problems that arise in relationships would never happen if newly formed relationships always keep in view that they should abide by righteousness, pay each o ther’s rights and dues, overlook trivial matters, be caring towards each other’s close families, the girl should be caring towards her in - laws and the boy should also be caring towards his in - laws.The other important point is that there should be mutual c onfidence.This can only be when everything is based on honesty.قول سدید q awl e sadeed means honesty without any ambiguity; the right and true word.Y oung m e n and wom e n do not realise that after marriage their certain email contacts on the internet can create mistrust.Thus the truth should be told from the very first day and everything

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28 about oneself should be clearly stated so that there is nothing that can create mistrust later on.And most of all, do not consider this world everything.What you should have in view is that after spending this transitory life, once y ears of youth are spent and one enters old age , one is not so inclined to the world anymore.Youth is also short - lived and is a time when one can fulfil worldly desires as much as one wants.Even if one lives to old age beyond 70 or 80 years, life in the H ereafter is everlasting and Allah the Exalted commands us to be mindful of life in the Hereafter.If th ese matters are instilled in us and are instilled in our relationships, mistrust would never arise, relationships would never break, there would be no co nflicts and people would be caring and sensitive to each other’s feelings.These new relationships should always be mindful of these matters and the Jama’at should particularly be mindful of them.There was a time we used to say there are a lot of marriage breakups in the European society, the Western society.The cause of these breakups is mistrust alone; husband and wife develop mistrust after some years and it leads to breakups.’ (Published in Al Fazl International, 21 September 2012)

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29 Qawl e Sadeed: Fo undation of Stable Relationships Elucidating the qualities of Ebaadur Rahman (servants of the Gracious God) with reference to marital matters , Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said on one occasion: ‘The tenth distinct quality of the servants of the Gracious God is that they neither tell lies nor give false testimony.Falsehood plays a huge part in the decline and ruin of nations.Divine communities and servants of Allah the Exalted are those must aspire to attain moral and spiritual heights.T hey hav e been promised by Allah the Exalted that they will traverse stages of progress and go higher and higher.If falsehood penetrates among those on whom Allah the Exalted bestows His grace or among those who are promised the grace of Allah the Exalted, then t hey do not remain special people of Allah the Exalted.Thus, Ahmadis should employ 100% honesty in all their affairs and their testimonies.For example, in marital matters, during nikah, it is pledged that the bond of marriage will be based on qawl e sadee d قول سدید (the right word) and always the truth will be told; unambiguous truth which will be crystal clear with no vagueness.However, after the wedding the young woman speaks dishonestly to the young man and the young man speaks dishonestly to the young woman, both sides of in - laws speak dishonestly to each other and relationships are fractured and gradually finish.Marriages break up

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30 merely for egotistical reasons and selfish desires and where children are involved, they suffer greatly.I have drawn atte ntion to this matter many times before.In order to honour the dues of Allah the Exalted and the dues of human kind it is essential for believers who include themselves in servants of the Gracious God to abhor every kind of falsehood.’ (Friday sermon delive red on 25 September 2009 at Baitul Futuh, London.Published in Al Fazl International 16 October 2009) At another occasion Huzoor e Anwer said: ‘Just as I have already mentioned , the Quranic guidance [read ] at the time of nika h should always be kept in mind.You must abide by righteousness, you must abide by the right word ( قول سد ی د ) and if you do so, then these problems will never arise.If you are taking something that is not rightfully yours, it is a lie and along with lying you are perpetrating شرک (shirk/associating partners with God).The Holy Prophet (peace and blessin gs of Allah be on him) said if you make me reach wrong verdicts you fill your bellies with fire.If you are distanced from righteousness, you will certainly fall in the lap of شرک.Engage in Istighfar and seek forgiveness and mercy from Allah.Always have fear of God.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 10 November 2006 at Baitul Futuh, London.Published in Al Fazl International 1 December 2006)

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31 Injustices of In - Laws Owing to Lack of both Qawl e Sadeed and Righteousness Concerning the importance of qawl e sadeed (speaking the absolute truth) and with reference to marital issues Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said the following as regards oppression and injustices faced by young women: ‘Another matter in this regard is the current issue of marital problems where young women communicate daily that they are enduring cruelty or unfairness of the ir in - laws or the ir husband.At times [before marriage] the young woman is not [fully] informed about the young man or is given information in such unclear and ambiguou s words that the young woman or her parents do not think much of it.However, once experienced, the situation is terrible and frightening.It is sometimes noted that in such situations, owing to decency and sympathy, the young man wishes to keep his wife b ut the mother - in - law or sister - in - law are very harsh and they make their son or brother take such harsh actions that the poor young woman is left with only two options.To either separate, or spend the rest of her life enduring cruelty.It has also come to light that at times when such harshness is perpetrated then later on , when the young woman acquires control in her capacity as the daughter - in - law, she too begins harsh and unfair treatment of the mother - in - law.And so, this vicious, satanic c ycle continu es in families that do not abide

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32 by righteousness.Even though, at the time of nikah when proposal and consent is given, [Quranic] verses pertaining to righteousness and قول سدید qawl e sadeed ( speaking the right word) are recited to draw attention to the fact that we must creat e such a paradisiacal society and such an environment that others are drawn towards us.Although there will be just a few such examples in the Jama’at, yet, they are hurtful and painful examples.The [Quranic] verse that is being ex plained right now, is also one of the verses recited at the time of the nikah.As Hazrat Khalifatul Masih I (may Allah be pleased with him) once said, always think of the consequences before saying or doing anything, and also that Allah the Exalted is awar e of whatever you do.Those who are unfair think no one is watching them and they can perpetrate whatever cruelty they want on someone else’s daughter within their home.Allah the Exalted is aware of this and if it is kept in view that Allah the Exalted is watching and Allah is aware, Huzoor (Hazrat Khalifatul Masih I) says , then these ills can be avoided.May Allah make it so that every Ahmadi family; be it the husband, the wife, the mother - in - law, the daughter - in - law or the sister - in - law, all abide by rig hteousness and create a beautiful society.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 30 May 2003 at Fazl Mosque, London.Published in Al Fazl International 18 July 2003)

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33 Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said the following on the same subject in one of his Friday sermons: ‘In their capacity as mothers - in - law and because such is their disposition, some women demand the daughter - in - law to be thrown out during small domestic altercations.But it is astonishing when fathers - in - law, men who have been given sense by Allah the Exalted, are influenced by their wives or of their own accord start reprimanding daughters - in - law.So much so that they unfairly raise their hands on daughters - in - law and also ask their sons to hit them, saying, ‘ it does not matter if she dies in th e process, they will bring another wife! ’ May Allah give sense to such men! They should heed the words of the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) where he said that such men are cowards and not men.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 2 July 2004 at International Centre, Mississauga, Canada.Published in Al Fazl International 16 July 2004) Huzoor e Anwer gave most important counsel to members with reference to marital relationships in his Friday sermon of 24 June 2005 delivered at International Centre, Toronto, Can ada.‘ I say it with great sadness that in Canada acrimony between husband and wife after marriage is growing quite rapidly.I believe the blame mostly lies with both sets of parents.They have no tolerance or

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34 sometimes the man’s parents try that he does no t develop an understanding with his wife and the couple do not nurture any mutual trust so that the parents do not lose their son… Then there are some mothers who spoil their daughters and make demands on the young man through their daughters.These people should have some fear of God.’ (Published in Al Fazl International 8 July 2005) ***

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35 Guidance of Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) ‘Allah the Exalted has thus drawn attention of both husband and wife t o their respective obliga tions: ؕ ََ ہُّن ََ لِبَاس ٌ لََکُّم ۡ و َ اَنۡتُّم ۡ لِبَاس ٌ لََہُّن ‘…They are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them…’ (2:188).That is, it is the responsibility of both to cover each other’s faults.The Holy Qur’an expounds the uses of garment as a so urce of covering nakedness, secondly as a source of embellishment and thirdly as a protection from hot and cold weather.Thus when a man and a woman commit themselves to the union of marriage in accordance with a pact, their utmost efforts should be to ac cept each other and also cover each other’s shortcomings.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 3 April 2009 at Baitul Futuh, London.Published in Al Fazl International 24 April 2009 )

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36 Islam : A Complete Code of Conduct Drawing attention to the important responsibil ities of Ahmadi Muslim women , Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) said: ‘We should try to adopt in our lives all the changes that the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) wants to bring in us.There are numerous commandments given by Allah t he Exalted in the Holy Qur’an.In places just the term ‘O , Believers! Act upon this commandment!’ has been used.In other places commandments are given addressing believing men and believing women separately.Wherever the term ‘O believers! Do this!’ is us ed both men and women are addressed.Further it is also elaborated that all commandments in the Holy Qur’an are for believing men and believing women both; therefore, try to implement them all and i f you act upon these good deeds Allah the Exalted will bes tow upon you eternal life - giving rewards.Such rewards will fill blessings in your life in this world as well as in the Hereafter.’ Huzoore Anwer further stated: ‘ The Holy Qur’an is a perfect teaching; learn it and act accordingly.Do not suffer from any inferiority complex.Rather, as I have mentioned , practice this teaching and call the world to it.Demonstrate such actions that seeing your high moral standards other

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37 women may seek guidance from you.The women of the world may come to you with this quest ion: ‘Though we are advanced in worldly knowledge, and apparently we are spending our lives freely, but still we cannot obtain peace of mind and heart’s content.There is dissonance within us, and our families are at odds and after some time the gulf of di sparities between husbands and wives increases.This affects the children and they cannot live a happy and focused life.Meanwhile, the atmosphere in your homes appears to be different than that of our homes.We see peace in your homes, and we consider you as role models.Tell us , how can we find this contentment?’ This is the question others should be asking you.Then you should tell them that they are forgetful of the purpose for which Allah the Exalted created humanity! Neither men nor women are fulfill ing this purpose which is the worship of God and the carrying out of good and righteous deeds.Indeed, you will find this practice only in the true Islam.’ (Address delivered on 29 July 2006 at Jalsa Salana UK) Huzoor e Anwer said at another occasion: ‘ A H adith relates that a husband is rewarded even for putting a morsel of food in his wife’s mouth in order to seek Allah’s pleasure.The significance here is not of simply feeding a morsel of food but denotes nurturing one’s wife and children and fulfilling t heir needs.It is the duty of a man to undertake the

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38 responsibilities of his family.If he undertakes this obligation with the intent of fulfilling his wife’s rights, who leaves her parents’ home for him, and to fulfil his children’s rights because Allah t he Exalted has placed the responsibility on him and he fulfils it for Allah’s sake, fulfilling this obligation becomes a reward for him.Doing so is also a form of worship.If every Ahmadi has this mind - set the present - day family conflicts, arguments and e strangements caused by trivial matters can be avoided.A wife will have her reward when she appreciates her responsibilities of serving her husband and honours his rights and does so for the sake of Allah the Exalted.The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) told both parties that if they followed this for the sake of attaining the pleasure of Allah the Exalted, their acts will be a form of worship and they will be rewarded.These matters should be pondered over; it is these small matters t hat can make some homes resemble paradise.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 13 March 2009 at Baitul Futuh, London.Published in Al Fazl International 3 April 2009) Husband and Wife are A Garment for Each Other Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said the following in one of his Friday sermons as regards the Divine statement that , ‘ husband and wife are a garment for each other ’ :

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39 ‘Last Friday I briefly mentioned matters pertaining to relationship between husband and wife and how in some situations due to mut ual disagreements , neither de sists from hurling abuse at the other and I mentioned that Allah the Exalted dislikes this enormously.Allah the Exalted has thus drawn attention of both husband and wife t o their respective obligations: ؕؕ ۡ ہُّن ََ لِبَاس ٌ لََکُّم ََ و َ اَنۡتُّم ۡ لِبَاس ٌ لََہُّن ‘…They are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them…’ (2:188).That is, it is the responsibility of both to cover each other’s faults.The Holy Qur’an expounds the uses of garment as a source of covering nakedness, s econdly as a source of embellishment and thirdly as a protection from hot and cold weather.Thus when a man and a woman commit themselves to the union of marriage in accordance with a pact, their utmost efforts should be to accept each other and also cove r each other’s shortcomings.Neither men nor women should become enraged over small matters.Mutual relationship of an Ahmadi married couple should enhance their beauty and such beauty should radiate from each Ahmadi couple so that they become exemplary fo r others.’

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40 Huzoor e Anwer added: ‘As the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) has also said that these matters are exposed when anger and rage flares up in people.Therefore anger should be controlled.Allah the Exalted likes suppression of anger and has c ommanded not to show anger.Thus e ach Ahmadi who has come in the b ai’at (oath of allegiance) of the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) and so has pledged to try and bring a pure change in him or herself and to try and make their family relationships bette r, should try and fulfil the pledge.When I hear about conflicts where minor disagreements lead to break - ups I am always reminded of a story of a young girl who gave an excellent lesson to a couple.The young girl saw a married couple argue and fight or s peak to each other with raised voices in anger.She was so astonished to see the spectacle that she kept staring at them.The couple noticed this and asked the girl what was the matter, had she never see n her mother and father quarrel? D id they never get a ngry? The girl replied that yes they did get angry but when her mother became angry her father ke pt quiet and when her father became angry her mother kept quiet.Th us tolerance needs to be adopted.At times , trivial matter s cause break - ups very early on.O nly a few days after the wedding the couple maintain that

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41 there has been ‘ no meeting of hearts ’ between them although the marriage take s place between them after many years of betrothal.The main issue is that when the couple are not discrete about each ot her and divulge information , it results in outsiders making erroneous suggestions to them simply for the sake of enjoying tittle - tattle or due to their inclination to give wrong advice and this causes break - ups.This is why advice is also a trust.When suc h couples, men, women or younger people contact someone for advice , it is the obligation of an Ahmadi to always give advice that makes a home and not impart advice that breaks a home.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 3 April 2009 at Baitul Futuh, London.Publi shed in Al Fazl International 24 April 2009) Controlling Anger Controlling one’s anger is most important to stem marital problems from arising.Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said in this regard: ‘Thus, I say to men and women once again that one can cover the faults of others when one is able to control anger and this is borne of fear of God.This is the reason Allah the Exalted has drawn attention towards the term ‘raiment of righteousness ’ and states in Surah Al A’raf:

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42 َ تِکُّم ۡ و ہ دَم َ قَد ۡ اَنۡزَلۡنَا عَلَیۡکُّم ۡ لِبَاسا ا یَُّوَارِی ۡ سَوۡا ہ یہبَن ِۡۤۡ ا ِ یہت ہ لِک َ مِن ۡ ا ہ َۡیٌۡ ؕ ذ لِک َ خ ہ ۙ ذ ی ہ ؕ و َ لِبَاس ُّ التََقۡو ا ا رِیۡش ِ ّللَہ ا ََُہُّۡ یَذََکََرُّوۡن َ ﴿ لَعَل ۲۷ ﴾ ‘O children of Adam! We have indeed sent down to you raiment to co ver your shame, and to be an elegant dress; but the raiment of righteousness — that is the best.That is one of the Signs of Allah, that they may remember.’ (7:27) Here a subject that I mentioned earlier is cited again, that Allah the Exalted has given yo u clothing to cover your nakedness and for your embellishment.Clothing is the apparent means which has been stated by Allah the Exalted in the verse.Human kind has been given clothing to make it distinct from other creation, to cover its nakedness and for embellishment.Yet, it is stated that the real garment is the garment of righteousness.Let me also explain something else here.There is a difference in the standard of the embellishment of the garment of a believer and a non - believer; indeed decent peo ple have a distinctive standard of embellishment of garment.However, in the West as well as in the East the fashionable and materialistic section of society gives preference to that attire which is revealin g and shows off the body form.

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43 While for men the measure of being well - dressed means being fully clothed yet it is men who wish the clothing of women to be revealing and mostly women also want this; women who have no fear of God have no covering/garment of righteousness, just as it is with such men.Th ere are some men who wish women to adorn the latest styles, in fact they also like this for their wives so that they may be considered admirable and trendy whether their clothes cover - up or not.However, believers, both men and women, who fear Allah the Ex alted, always wish to wear clothes that are a source of seeking the pleasure of God and this is only possible to do when they also seek the garment of righteousness.This will become possible w hen specific care is given to one’s apparent clothing, when hus band and wife, who are a garment for each other, will take care of this with righteousness and when righteousness is also kept in view by society in general for covering each other’s shortcomings even during slight differences in our mutual relationships.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 3 April 2009 at Baitul Futuh, London.Published in Al Fazl International 24 April 2009) Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) explained the aforementioned subject with reference to Quranic teachings as below:

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44 ؕؕ ٌ ہُّن ََ لِبَاس ََ لََکُّم ۡ و َ اَنۡتُّم ۡ لِبَاس ٌ لََہُّن ‘…They are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them…’ (2:188).Another commandment is that men and women are each other’s garments, meaning they are each other’s confidants.This commandment is both for men a nd women and this confidence should always be maintained and people should not start divulging each other’s personal matters to others if there is any disagreement or conflict.A couple will have good standing in society if they get on well and society kno ws this.N o one will dare to point a finger at the wife or the husband.It is for the husband and wife to understand their respective responsibilities.Neither the wife should damage the husband’s confidence nor the husband the wife’s confidence.It is sta ted that not only will they make their marital life pleasant by having a positive relationship but th ey will also be safeguard ing their next generation and will ; indeed they will be creating the means for it.Men and women should thus discharge of their v arious rights and obligations, the responsibilities that Allah the Exalted has put on them.Women are as important a part of society as are men.If both of them conduct themselves correctly the next generation will also be brought up well and will be train ed correctly.T his is why Allah the Exalted has drawn attention of both men and women to their responsibilities.’ (Address delivered on 21 August 2004 to ladies at Jalsa Salana Germany.Published Al Fazl International 1 May 2015)

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45 Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah b e his Helper) said the following in his Friday sermon with reference to the blessed model of the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be on him).‘While the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) demonstrated high models of trustworthiness and truthfulness, he also advised his Ummah ( his followers ) to be exemplary and be mindful of this in even the smallest of matters, for example, in the relationship of husband and wife.He advised that this relationship is a trust and should be looked after.Hazrat Abu Saeed Khudri (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said: ‘On the Day of Judgement the greatest betrayal counted in the sight of Allah the Exalted will be when a man has a relation ship with his wife and then divulges his wife’s secrets.’ (Sunan Abi Daud, Kitab ul Adaab) In today’s society people disclose the private matters between husband and wife to their parents and this at times leads to unpleasantness and conflicts arise.Somet imes parents have the habit of prying into the matters of their offspring and this becomes the cause of disagreements.This is why the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said: Neither husband and wife have the right to disclose their pe rsonal matters, no matter what kind they are, to others, nor others should ask about them or listen to them.In my view if this advice is adhered to , many

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46 disagreements would stop of their own accord.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 15 July 2005 at Baitul Fut uh, London.Printed in Al Fazl International 5 August 2005) Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said at another occasion: ‘ Even i f a marital conflict has reached the point of separation, then from this moment onwards, start to focus on prayers and avai l of these virtuous surroundings 1 to try and heal broken hearts.Similarly , societal acrimonies are borne of some other reasons as well.Remove the hatred that is fostered or created in society due to false egotism.Cover each other’s mistakes, offenses an d oversights.Rather than expose these vices to show each other down, adopt the way of covering faults.Everyone should keep an eye on their own flaws and fear Allah.’ ( Friday sermon delivered on 24 June 2005 at International Centre, Toronto, Canada.Pu blished in Al Fazl International 8 July 2005 ) *** 1 Huzoore Anwer delivered this Friday Sermon in the devout environment of Jalsa Salana Canada, 2005, which is what the reference of ‘virtuous surroundings’ alludes to.

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47 Guidance of Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) ‘Al lah the Exalted has taught us the prayer: ُۡیٍُّ و ََ اجۡعَلۡنَا تِنَا قُّرََۃ َ اَع َہ رَبََنَا ہَب ۡ لَنَا مِن ۡ اَزۡوَاجِنَا و َ ذُّرَِی ََ لِلۡمُّت ُِیَۡ اِمَاماا ﴿ ق ۷۵ ﴾ ‘Our Lord, grant us of our spouses and children the delight of our eyes and make each of us a leader of the righteous.’ (25:75) While this prayer is significant for men it is also significant for women in that both husband and wife should become the delight of each other’s eyes.When they will both be praying to become the delight of each other’s eyes they will also be mindful to be kind to each other.’ (Address to ladies delivered on 25 June 2011 at Jalsa Salana Germany.Published 1 3 April 2012)

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48 Societal Role of Husband and Wife Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V began his address to ladies at Jalsa Salana Holland 2004 by reciting Tashahhud, T‘awwuz, and Surah Fatihah and then said: ‘Today I shall draw the attention of ladies here to a few matters.Just as Islam has drawn the attention of men to wards discharging their rights and obligations, it has also drawn the attention of women to their rights and obligations.This is be cause in society, particularly in a n Islamic society men and women h ave specific roles to play.The next generation is brought up in the laps of mothers and they also p l ay a big role in making or ruining nations.The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) has spoken openly and clearly about the rights and obligations of women and has drawn attention, in light of the teaching of the Holy Qur’an, to abide by righteousness and bring up children according to the beautiful teaching of Islam.If women were to understand this responsibility then an Ahmadi society would continue to be elegant and this effect will not be limited to your homes, it will not be limited to the Jama’at.In fact its effect will be evident outside our homes as well.Its effect will traverse the sphere of the Jama’at and will be evident in the wider society; in every street , city and every country! We can only succeed in the revolutionary change that the Promised Messiah (on whom be

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49 peace) wanted to instil in us and we can only succeed in spreading the beautiful teaching of Islam in the world with which Allah th e Exalted sent the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) and we will only be able to e mbed the banner of Islam in the world , and as soon as possible , bring the entire world under the banner of the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) when th e Ahmadi woman understands her responsibility, her status and her duties and tries to play her role in this regard!’ (Address delivered to ladies on 3 June 2004 at Jalsa Salana Holland.Published in Al Fazl International 22 July 2005) Similarly addressing ladies at Jalsa Salana Germany Huzoor e Anwer said: ‘As I explained in my sermon yesterday, it is important to follow every stage of attaining Divine nearness while staying firm on righteousness and with fear of God instilled in the heart.Each one of thes e stages should be followed, each commandment obs erved.T hen alone can spiritual success be attained and one can become recipient of heavens.I enumerated th ose commandments yesterday.The first of them is to observe Salat with the fear of God and with hum ility.

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50 Supplicate Allah the Exalted while being mindful that you are before God and seek from Him; seek for yourself, for your husband and your children; O Allah, You alone can keep us firm on virtues, enable us to worship You! O Allah, make us, our child ren and our husbands steadfast on these virtues! It is stated regarding offering Salat that when you submit before Allah the Exalted, show humility.This humility will be generated with the awareness that one is standing before Allah the Exalted.A Hadith relates that if one cannot have the awareness of seeing Allah the Exalted or being before Allah the Exalted then at least one should have the awareness that Allah the Exalted is watching one.Then alone can humility be generated.One is also able to concen trate in worship when different kinds of idle and absurd matters are avoided.Effort should be made in this regard as well as prayers should be made during Salat that O Allah, save us, our children and our husbands from these absurdities!’ As regards the a bsurdities Huzoor e Anwer said: ‘Usually it is women who have the habit to sit and chat about absurd matters, although men also do this.This should be avoided in any case.For example commenting that so and so has such and such clothes, so and so has such and such home, children of so and so have these bad habits, so and so husband and wife have such and such relationship! All this is purposeless and absurd.If these comments happen to be factual then one must pray for the people concerned and seek help fro m Allah the Exalted to

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51 make things better for them with the compassion one has for one’s brothers and sisters and pray for their ills and weaknesses to be removed.However, if the people about whom these comments are made are not as it is being said and it is mere gossip mongering, then it is sinful.The status given to women in Islam or the status that is expected of her , demands that every woman, especially every Ahmadi woman avoids such absurd, purposeless and sinful talk.’ (Address delivered to ladies o n 21 August 2004 at Jalsa Salana Germany.Published in Al Fazl International 1 May 2015) Prayers for One’s Life Partner and Children With reference to significance of prayer for successful married life Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said the follo wing in one of his Jalsa Salana address es to ladies: ‘ Every man and woman should make an effort in their prayers and in their practices to bring about positive changes in themselves and become true models of those who take bai’at.This is so that they can be counted amongst those people who are not only concerned about their own good practices but are also concerned about the welfare of their next generation for which Allah the Exalted has taught us in the prayer:

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52 ُۡیٍُّ و ََ اجۡعَلۡنَا تِنَا قُّرََۃ َ اَع َہ رَبََنَا ہَب ۡ لَنَا مِن ۡ اَزۡوَاجِنَا و َ ذُّرَِی ُِیَۡ اِمَاماا ﴿ لِلۡمُّتََق ۷۵ ﴾ ‘Our Lord, grant us of our spouses and children the delight of our eyes and make each of us a leader of the righteous.’ (25:75) While this prayer is significant for men it is also significant for women so that both men and women become the delight of each other’s eyes.When they will both be praying to become the delight of each other’s eyes they will also be mindful to be kind to each other and will overlook each other’s drawbacks and will keep each other’s good qualities in view.Sometimes newly married couples come to me for advice.Just as I mentioned these days the situation with divorce and خلع khula (divorce initiated by the wife) is very worrisome, so what I tell them is to overlook each other’s weaknesses and keep each other’s good qualities in view.[I tell them] that now that they are married they should honour the relationship and also pray to Allah the Exalted to make them the delight of each other’s eyes.When prayers and efforts are put in InshaAllah relationships are successful.When both husband and wife will be the delight of each other’s eyes, then seeing the good example of the p arents the next generation will also try to become the delight of the parents’ eyes.

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53 Both husband and wife will be praying to God Almighty for each other and for their children to become a delight of their eyes and will be praying for righteous children t o be born to them, and will pray that : ُِیَۡ اِمَاماا و ََ اجۡعَلۡنَا لِلۡمُّتََق ‘…and make each of us a leader of the righteous.’ It is a prayer to have righteous progeny.And the head of a household is the I mam of the family.When it is prayed ‘make me a l eader of the righteous’ it means, produce pious people among my progeny.When a man supplicates this he prays for his wife and children to be righteous and when a woman supplicates this, as the guardian of the home, she prays for her children to be righteo us.When this prayer is made eagerly then effort is also made to keep oneself firm on righteousness resulting in a home which is a model of paradise where adults and children, everyone seeks to attain the pleasure of Allah the Exalted.After such parents p ass away from this world their children become a source of reward for them.Parents are rewarded for the upbringing of children; the father will be rewarded as well as the mother in her capacity as the guardian of the home and being responsible for the chi ldren.Virtuous acts of children will become source of elevating the station of the parents.And which true believer is there who claims to have faith and then says that he does not need to have his station elevated after death? Thus this prayer is useful for the reformation of one’s generations as well as one’s personal

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54 reformation and it is also useful after death for the elevation of one’s station through the prayers and practices of one’s righteous progeny.There is also an indication towards the digni ty of a true believer in here; a true believer does not settle for trivial matters and moves onwards and upwards.A true believer enhances in p ersonal righteousness and also tries to enhance righteousness in his progeny.Fortunate are the parents who remai n engaged in the upbringing of their children and bring them close to faith and instil love of Allah the Exalted in them.They also improve themselves by adopting pious changes and adorn their life in this world as well as the Hereafter.Thus every Ahmadi man and woman needs to reflect over this prayer and offer it intensely.Many people are unhappy that their children have gone astray.When there is focus on good upbringing and prayers.Allah the Exalted bestows His grace and prevents children, apart from in the odd case, from going astray.’ (Address to ladies delivered on 25 June 2011 at Jalsa Salana Germany.Published 13 April 2012) In another of his Friday sermons Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said the following on the subject: َ رَبََنَا ہَب ۡ ل ُۡیٍُّ و ََ اجۡعَلۡنَا تِنَا قُّرََۃ َ اَع َہ نَا مِن ۡ اَزۡوَاجِنَا و َ ذُّرَِی ُِیَۡ اِمَاماا ﴿ لِلۡمُّتََق ۷۵ ﴾

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55 ‘Our Lord, grant us of our spouses and children the delight of our eyes and make each of us a le ader of the righteous.’ (25:75).We should always make the prayer taught to us by Allah the Exalted which is for our children to be delight of our eyes.One should always pray O Allah, look upon us with mercy and always look upon us with mercy, never let Satan overcome us , forgive our mistakes.We seek Your forg iveness from You, do forgive our sins.After forgiving our sins keep us in Your sight in such a way that we are never again entrapped by Satan.Once You have blessed us in so many ways, make us thankful of Your blessings and make us remember them.Your gre atest blessing is the blessing of faith, always keep us firm on it and may we never be distant from it and always pray: َ ّلََُّنۡک ۡ ًلَ تُّزِغ ۡ قُّلُّوۡبَنَا بَعۡد َ اِذ ۡ ہَدَیۡتَنَا و َ ہَب ۡ لَنَا مِن رَبََنَا ۚ اِنََک َ اَنۡت َ الۡوَہََاب ُّ ﴿ ا رَحۡمَۃ ۹ ﴾ ‘Our Lor d, let not our hearts become perverse after Thou hast guided us; and bestow mercy on us from Thyself; surely, Thou alone art the Bestower.’ (3:9).Without attention to prayers Satan will continue to incite in different manners and different ways.As I expl ained earlier, there cannot be protection against him without the blessing and mercy of Allah the Exalted.Allah the Exalted communicates with those who pray to Him pre - emptively and who have His

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56 grace.This grace is greatly increased when the love of Alla h the Exalted is developed in hearts.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 12 December 2003 at Baitul Futuh, London Published Al Fazl International 6 February 2004) Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) gave special instructions regarding bringing up children in his address at Jalsa Salana UK 2003.He presented the following extract of the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace).Huzoor e Anwer said: ‘The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) states : ‘My own condition is such that none of my Salat is withou t prayers for my friends, my children and wife.Many parents teach bad habits to their children.When children start doing wrong, they do not reprimand them which results in children becoming more daring day by day…Remember, the person who does not appreci ate close family relationships , h is faith has defect.How can virtue be expected of him when he is devoid of this! Allah the Exalted has stated in the Holy Qur’an regarding the desire to have children: ُۡیٍُّ و ََ اجۡعَلۡنَا تِنَا قُّرََۃ َ اَع َہ رَبََنَا ہَب ۡ لَنَا مِن ۡ اَزۡوَاجِنَا و َ ذُّرَِی ُِیَۡ اِمَاماا ﴿ لِلۡمُّتََق ۷۵ ﴾

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57 (25:75) That is, God Almighty, grant us delight of eyes through our wives and children.And make us Imam of the righteous.This can only co me about if they are not embroiled in sinful life and lead their lives as servants of the Gracious God and give precedence to God over e verything.It is expounded in the latter part of the verse: ُِیَۡ اِمَاماا و ََ اجۡعَلۡنَا لِلۡمُّتََق ‘…and make each of us a leader of the righteous’).If the offspring are pious and righteous then the one making the prayer will be like an Imam.It is also a prayer for the individual making the prayer t o be come righteous.’ (Malfuzat, Vo l.1, pp.562 - 563 new edition) (Addre ss delivered to ladies on 26 July 2003 at Jalsa Salana UK.Published in Al Fazl International 29 August 2003) Lack of Mutual Love between Parents and its Negative Impact on Children Drawing attention to peaceful family life , Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said: ‘I have observed that children of such homes where parents do not have a loving relationship mostly find comfort outside of home.Therefore, I will also say to

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58 the parents not to ruin the peace of the home because of their personal egos and petty wishes and ultimately ruin their children.They should try to become leaders of the righteous and honour their trusts in the true sense.They should also fulfil their pledge and their promise that they took after taking the bai’at of the Promised Mes siah (on whom be peace).May Allah the Exalted enable everyone to do so! Ameen.’ (Address to ladies 15 August 2009 at Jalsa Salana Germany.Published in Al Fazl International 2 May 2014) Blessings of Saying Assalamo alaikum Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) elucidated the benefits of the practice of saying السالم و علیکم Assalamoalaikum in a Friday sermon.With reference to this , he also said: ‘It is also a general commandment that when you visit homes, even your own home, offer the gift of peace and security because this will bring blessings to the home giv en that this gift of peace is from Allah and it will make you cognisant of how your deportment should be with your family after sending forth a gift which is from Allah the Exalted.Allah states:

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59 ُّ َٰۤلٰۤ اَنۡفُّسِک ا فَسَلَِمُّوۡا ع ا فَاِذَا دَخَلۡتُّم ۡ بُّیُّوۡت ِ مَِن ۡ عِنۡد ا م ۡ تَحِیََۃ ۡ یہت ِ لَعَلََکُّم ًلۡہ لَکُّم ُّ ا ُّ ّللَہ َُیَُِّ ا لِک َ یُّب ہ ؕ کَذ ا طَیَِبَۃ ا َکَۃ ُّٰبہ ِ م ّللَہ ا تَعۡقِلُّوۡن َ ﴿ ٪ ۶۲ ﴾ ‘…But when you enter houses, salute your people — a greeting from your Lord, full of blessing and purity.Thus does Allah m ak e plain to you the commandments tha t you may understand.’ (24:62) People living in homes where this gift of peace and security is exchanged, they practice it with the thought that this gift is from Allah the Exalted.This increases mutual love and great er attention is drawn towards looking after each other’s sentiments.If the man of the house is harsh, his wife and children will be protected from his harshness due to this gift of peace and security! In the world in general and in this society in particu lar sometimes children turn rebellious due to the unjust, harsh temperament of fathers , and wives become fearful and afraid.A time comes when in spite of living together for years the situation results in break - up between a husband and wife despite their children having grown up.Their break - up is a cause for concern for the family.If this gift of peace and security is regularly exchanged such episodes would be reduced.Similarly, when women will enter their homes with this gift of peace and security they will be looking after their homes properly and will be safeguarding the respect of their

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60 husbands.When children will be brought up in this vein, in spite of reaching adolescence, rather than be come a sou rce of evil , they will be come a source of peace and security for their home, parents and society.’(Friday sermon delivered on 25 May 2007 at Baitul Futuh, London.Published 15 June 2007) *** Lofty Standards of Good Cond uct Good Conduct towards Parents Hazrat Ameerul Mumineen (may Allah be his Helper) gave detailed and important guidance to members of the Jama’at about their responsibilities with reference to different relationships and familial ties in a Friday sermon.As regards the rights of husband and wife, Huzoor e Anwer said: ا ا ّلَِیۡن ِ اِحۡسَان ا و ََ بِالۡوَا ا َ ًلَ تُّشۡرِکُّوۡا بِہ ٖ شَیۡئ َ و ّللَہ و َ اعۡبُّدُّوا ا ٰۡبہ ُِیِۡ و َ الۡجَار ِ ذِی الۡقُّر ی و َ الۡمَسہ ک ہ م ہ ٰۡبہ و َ الۡیَت و ََ بِذِی الۡقُّر َ و ۙ ِ و َ الۡجَار ِ الۡجُّنُّب ِ و َ الصََاحِب ِ بِالۡجَنۢۡب ِ و َ ابۡن ِ السََبِیۡل ۡ مَا مَلَکَت ۡ اَی ًلا َ ًلَ یُّحِب َُّ مَن ۡ کَان َ مُّخۡتَا ّللَہ اِن ََ ا ؕ ۡ مَانُّکُّم فَخُّوۡرَا ﴿ ۳۷ ﴾

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61 ‘And worship Allah and associate naught with Him, and show kindness to parents, and to kindred, and orphans, and the needy, and to the neighbour that is a kinsman and the neighbou r that is a stranger, and the companion by your side, and the wayfarer, and those whom your right hand possess.Surely, Allah loves not the proud and the boastful.’ (4:37) ‘In the verse (Surah Al Nisa, Verse 37) that I just recited, Allah the Exalted comma nds us to worship Him and to worship Him in the manner that is befitting to His worship.Idols, whether big or small, or idols that you have let occupy your hearts should not deter you from the worship of God.It is then enjoined to treat parents kindly an d this kind treatment towards parents has been explained in multiple angles in various places.’ Huzoor e Anwer added: ‘It is then stated that once these two basic matters are instilled, further stages of advancement have to be traversed.In order to put th e correct religious teaching in practice, one must demonstrate further levels of high morals.If these levels are attained, one is worthy of being called a Muslim in the real sense.If these levels are attained and high morals are instilled, then one’s obj ective is realised and one becomes a recipient of blessings of Allah the Exalted and InshaAllah will continue to be a recipient.It should be remembered that Allah the Exalted greatly dislikes it if these levels are not attained and one is arrogant and is ever concerned about self -

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62 promotion.In this way one would not be paying the dues of human kind and will be wasting away one’s worship of God.If a high standard of morals are not attained then one’s worship of God will be wasted.What are the standards that Allah th e Exalted wants us to establish? He states that the standards constitute showing kindness to kindred, the close relations from your mother ’s and father’s side, who are your familial relations.For married people , relatives of wife and husband both come in the category of close relations.Both husband and wife are equally commanded to be courteous to these relations.Obviously love and affection between a husband and wife would inevitably enhance when they are both courteous to each other’s clo se relations and try to fulfil their rights.It is stated that if they try their best to pay the dues of each other and if they protect familial relations , they would be come God’s favourite.’ ( Friday sermon delivered on 23 January 2004 at Baitul Futuh, Lon don.Khutbaat e Masroor Vol.2.Pp.64 – 65 2005 Edition.Published by Nazarat e Isha’at Rabwah ) With referen ce to respect of close relatives of husbands and wives Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said at one occasion: ‘Many domestic conflicts stem from disregard for each other’s relatives.The closest relation of

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63 husband and wife are parents.While kindness to your own parents is enjoined, kindness to each other’s parents is also enjoined to husband and wife.At times the husband acts unfairly by di sparaging the wife’s parents and close relatives and at other times the wife acts unfairly by disparaging the husband’s parents and close relatives.This should not be the practice in Ahmadiyya society which is commanded by Allah and His Messenger to sprea d peace and security.Moreover we have accepted the Imam of the age and [he], the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) has also taught us the ways to stay firm on high morals.He has also told us that if we wish to be connected to him we have to adopt the h igh morals enjoined by Allah and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be on him).We should ponder over the fact that we are faced with opposition in this day and age for accepting the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) as to why we accepted the in dividual who claimed to be the Promised Messiah and a Prophet from God; after accepting Ahmadiyyat some people are also given a great deal of pain by their relatives who sever relationship with them.Fathers have been severe to their children and have thro wn them out of homes for accepting Ahmadiyyat.In this situation how much regard should an Ahmadi have for his relationships! Each Ahmadi should realise that after being associated with the individual who is called ‘Prince of P eace ’ by Allah the Exalted, h ow much peace and security we need to spread and how much endeavour we need to put int o strengthening relationships!

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64 Thus, each Ahmadi should instil the feeling that he should not be the one to mar the name of the prince of peace.How can we have a con nection of kindness and indeed enhance the connection and be caring to those with whom we do not have close familial ties if we do not loo k after our close familial ties and are not kind to them and do not pray for them and do not seek their prayers!’ (Fri day sermon delivered on 1 June 2007.Published in Al Fazl International 22 June 2007) Kindness toward Close Familial Ties: Rights of Relatives Explaining the right of relatives as regards kindness to close familial ties Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Help er) said: ‘Silla rehmi صلہ رحمی (kindness to close familial ties) is a very expansive term.It entails that the relatives of wife have the same rights as the man’s own relatives.صلہ رحمی towards them is just as important as it is to one’s own relations.If this habit is instill ed and صلہ رحمی silla rehmi is practised from both sides, will bickering and arguments still take place in homes? Not at all, because most conflicts arise over small issues such as a slight annoyance from the in - laws or if someone’s father or someone’s mot her says something, even if in jest, and someone does not like it and is quickly offended and says that he would not talk to t he i r mother - in - law or will not talk to t he i r

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65 father - in - law or brother - in - law.Accu sations are also made about other relatives.It is these irritabilities expressed on these small matters that become basis of bigger conflicts.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 2 July 2004 at International Centre, Mississauga, Canada.Published Al Fazl International, 16 July 2004) Importance of Kindness tow ard Close Familial Ties Explaining the importance of close familial ties , Hazrat Khaliftul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper said: ‘Then there is silla rehmi صلہ رحمی , p eople who are related to one another should try to promote a bond of love and friendshi p.Therein lies success.What is صلہ رحمی silla rehmi? Women should care for their own relatives and have good relationship with their husband’s family.Mothers - in - law should feel affection for their daughters - in - law and care for their relatives.Create a n environment of love and care so that the Jama’at can progress faster than before.Blessing of Allah the Exalted comes with unity and love and not with in - fighting and dissension.Strive to get blessings of Allah the Exalted.’ (Address delivered on 2 Nov ember 2008 at the annual Ijtema of Lajna UK)

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66 On another occasion Huzoor e Anwer said the following in the same context : ‘The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) said that family ties do not signify just one’s own familial relations or one’s own blood relati ons, rather, the respective familial or blood relations of both the husband and wife become each other’s close relations after marriage; that is, the husband’s parents, brothers and sisters become the wife’s parents, brothers and sisters.Similarly, the wi fe’s parents, brothers and sisters become the husband’s parents, brothers and sisters.If this perspective is taken, relationships can never grow apart and can never suffer.Therefore, it is stated that both the husband and wife should discharge rights due to these people as they would to their own relations: the mother, father, brothers and sisters.This commandment is not just for young women, rather, as I have said, to sustain a relationship young men have also been commanded, as have young women, to pra y and be patient.Likewise, it is the obligation of both sides of in - laws not to create friction in marital relations and destroy the peace and harmony of society by giving wrong advice or saying inappropriate things to the young man and young woman.Simi larly, the first verse also gives the lesson that good upbringing of the offspring resulting from a marriage is obligatory on both parents, so as to ensure the continuation of a generation in the future that will promote virtues in society.It is stated th at

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67 this will not be possible unless one adopts righteousness ( تقوی taqwa).And what is Allah ’ s taqwa? Allah’s taqwa is to do everything in accordance with His commands, to leave aside all of one’s personal desires and to only, and solely keep in view the objective of trying to please God.Allah the Exalted says , R em ember, I cannot be deceived for I am watching over each act, each deed of yours at all times.’ Thus, if Ahmadi couples keep this commandment in mind, they will also be enabled to look for those instructions that will attain pleasure of God.Allah the Exalt ed has mentioned the word righteousness ( تقوی taqwa) five times in the nikah verse.It is therefore not possible that the household which keeps righteousness in view to this extent will ever be the mainstay of conflict, or that conflict, fights and quarrels can arise in it.Similarly, one who has reg ard for close familial ties, who has regard for each other’s relations and cares for them, has been given the glad - tiding of acceptance of prayers therein.’ (Address delivered on 4 October 2009 at annual Ijtema Lajna UK) The Quranic verses Huzoor e Anwe r (may Allah be his Helper) chose for recitation before his address to ladies at Jalsa Salana UK 2011 were the verses which are read at the ti me of nikah.Thus, Huzoore Anwer said in his address:

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68 ‘At times one issue is raised a lot in our marital problems that come to the fore, by both men and women, and that is that one of them disparages the other’s parents or siblings.Men accuse women and women accuse men of belittling their parents, saying such and such about them and being abusive about them.This is remote from righteousness and creates discord in families.It is not a matter of only making accusations, at times these turn out to be the truth where children are provoked against their grandparents and improper words are used for each other’s close rela tives and efforts are made to turn children against them.Allah the Exalted states this is remote from righteousness and this is not righteous ness and here you are becoming far removed from righteousness.Therefore, be careful of your رحمی rehmi (familial) relations as well.These verses also draw attention to this.Th e very first verse enjoins to take care of one’s رحمی rehmi relations.Rather than only be considerate themselves, parents should also teach their children the sanctity and respect of rehmi relations.Then only can a pure society be established.Indeed, parents should take great care for the sanctity of this because the examples of parents influence children.’ (Address delivered on 23 July 2011 at Jalsa Salana UK)

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69 Good Conduct to wards Relatives Addressing Ahmadi ladies with reference to the significance of showing good conduct to relatives , Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said: ‘Then there is good conduct with relatives.This is a very important matter.Some relationships break up on trivial issues depriving one of the opportunities given by Allah the Exalted to earn reward for doing good.I have seen that generally speaking if the virtue of good conduct with relatives is practiced there is no question of any kind of mutual acrimonies or badness to develop.There would be no break up of families, conflicts between husband and wife, quarrels between sisters - in - law and mother - in - law or daughter - in - law clashes.It should be the practice of true believing women who develop in virtues to also be mindful of their relationships.’ (Address delivered on 17 September 2011 at the Lajna Ijtema Germany) Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) expounded the Islamic teaching on taking care of relatives and also spoke on the marital problems ar ising from not abiding by it.Huzoore Anwer said: ‘Allah the Exalted enjoins us to look after one’s relatives and be kind to them.This kindness will help establish societal peace and security.

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70 Close relatives include all familial ties from your father’s side and your mother’s side.Then there are familial ties of the wife and the husband.It is the obligation of both husband and wife to fulfil the rights of each other’s familial relations and to respect them and instil good feelings for them in their heart.In short, [they should give them] all the rights that they like to have for their own familial relations, the relations w ith whom you are on good terms.This is because even in close family ties there can arise problems and close family relations can become fractured.This is why Allah the Exalted enjoins kindness to close relations, not only with those with whom you get on and whom you like but also those whom you do not like and who se nature does not match your type.Thus kind treatment is enjoined with all close relatives, as I just said not only with those with whom you get on, rather with everyone.In fact the commandmen t of kindness is not just for your own close relatives; for the man it entails his wife’s relatives and for the woman it entails her husband’s close relatives.This is the treatment which would propagate peace and security along with Allah’s message of pea ce and security.(Friday sermon delivered on 1 June 2007 at Baitul Futuh London) In his Friday sermon of 2 July 2004 Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said the following on the same subject:

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71 ‘I will give one example from the countless examples of the Holy Prophet’s (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) kindness towards the relations and friends of his wives.It is narrated that when the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) heard the voice of Halah, sister of Hazrat Khadija, he used to stand up to greet her and welcome her cheerfully saying, ‘Khadija’s sister Halah is here.’ When an animal was slaughtered at home, it was his custom to have some of the meat sent to friends of Hazrat Khadija (may Allah be pleased with her).(Sahih Muslim, Kitabul Fad ha’il, Babu Mi n fadha’ile Khadeeja) Let me clarify something here, some things are brought to attention and for this reason I shall clarify them.Because men and women have started to mix more in society, no one should assume from this t hat permission has been given to men to sit in assemblies of women and they are free to sit with the friends of their wives.Being considerate is something completely different and it is another thing to forge friendships.This creates inappropriate situat ions.There are many instances where the wife is pushed aside and her friend takes on the place of the wife.The man once again can resume his worldly affairs but the poor first wife is left crying! This is patently unfair and Islam has certainly not allow ed this.They say, we are permitted to marry (more than once) ! Here, in these societies, special care should be taken.Try and understand your responsibilities.Take care of the wife who has lived with you during

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72 hard times.To abandon her when your situat ion improve s by coming here [the West] , is not justice in any sense.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 2 July 2004 at International Centre, Mississauga, Canada) Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) announced six nikahs in Germany.Huzoor e Anwer said the fol lowing in the nikah sermon: ‘Every Ahmadi who is a real Muslim should always keep in view that marriage is a bond and is something that becomes a religious obligation in a way , and it is very important to pay the dues of wives and close familial ( رحمی rehm i) ties by both the man and his family and the woman and her family.If the newly - wedded couples and both sets of in - laws realise all these matters, family life can be a cradle of love, affection and peace.’ (18 June 2011 Nikah sermon delivered at Masjid B aitul Sabuh, Frankfurt, Germany – Publishsed in Al Fazl International 5 August 2011 ) Men are Guardians over Women With reference to men as guardians , Huzoor e Anwer (may be his Helper) elucidated Quranic teaching in detail and said: ‘We see these days tha t hands are raised against women on small, trivial matters , whereas the

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73 permission given to chastise women comes with many conditions and it is not permissible to simply do what one wants.The permission is provisional to a few conditions and there is perh aps hardly an Ahmadi woman exceeding to an extent where this chastisement is needed.Therefore, rather than find excuses, men should understand their own responsibilities and give the rights of women, as the Holy Qur’an states: َٰۤلہ َُہُّۡ ع ُّ بَعۡض ّللَہ َٰۤلَ النَِس َٓاء ِ بِمَا فَضََل َ ا مُّوۡن َ ع َہ اَلرَِجَال ُّ قَو ٌ ت ہ نِت ہ ت ُّ ق ہ لِح َہ ُِہِۡ ؕ فَالص بَعۡض ٍ و ََ بِمَا ۤۡ اَنۡفَقُّوۡا مِن ۡ اَمۡوَال ََ ِتِۡ تَخَافُّوۡن َ نُّشُّوۡزَہُّن َہ و َ ال ؕ ُّ ّللَہ ت ٌ لَِلۡغَیۡب ِ بِمَا حَفِظ َ ا ہ حہ فِظ ۡ فَعِظُّوۡہُّن ََ و َ اہ ۡ ََ ۚ فَاِن ََ ِفِ الۡمَضَاجِع ِ و َ اضۡرِبُّوۡہُّن جُّرُّوۡہُّن ا َا َ کَان َ عَلِی ّللَہ ؕ اِن ََ ا َۡلا ََلَ تَبۡغُّوۡا عَلَیۡہِن ََ سَبِی اَطَعۡنَکُّم ۡ ف ِۡیۡا ا ﴿ کَب ۳۵ ﴾ ‘Men are guardians over women because Allah has made some of them excel others, and because they (men) spend of their wealth.So virtuous women are those who are obedient, and guard the secrets of their husbands with Allah’s protection.And as for those on whose part you fear disobedience, admonish them and leave them alone in their beds, and chastise them.Then if they obey you, seek not a

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74 way against them.Surely, Allah is High, Great.’ (4:35) That is, men are قَو ام guardian s over women because of the distinction Allah has granted some of them and for this reason, they also spend their wealth on the women (the indolent who stay at home do not become guardians by default).Thus, pious women are obedient and saf eguard those matters even in private which Allah has enjoined to safeguard.And women from whom rebelliousness is feared should first be advised (this does not include indecency, rather matters that can cause disgrace among the neighbours - which certain b ehaviours can do).They should first be advised, then separated in bed and then if need be, given physical chastisement.It is then stated that if they obey, do not find any argument or excuse against them.Certainly, Allah is High and Great! It is stated that if a woman corrects herself from such an extremely rebellious attitude then pointless excuses should not be sought to chastise her.If, devoid of righteousness such acts are committed and men consider themselves to be of sole importance with no regard for women, then they should remember that Allah the Exalted can punish them for these acts.Therefore, prescribed degrees of chastisement should be followed and when no correction can be observed, and a woman continues to have the same attitude, it is at this point that the commandment of [physical] chastisement is given.Men should not raise their hand or a stick at every trivial matter.They should not be so cruel so as to characterise a decent woman as rebellious and start

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75 chastising her.Such men shoul d remember that if this comes to the knowledge of a system established by God, that is, it comes to the knowledge of the Nizam e Jama’at [administrative system of Jama’at], it definitely disciplines such people.For God’s sake do not bring the Qur’an in di srepute and do try to reform yourself.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 2 July 2004 at International Centre, Mississauga, Canada) Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) presented some pronouncements of the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) with reference to this subject and said: ‘ The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) said: ‘Our perfect guide, the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) has said: ِٖ ل ر ًلَِہ ر ُّکُّم َۡیر خ ر کُّم ُّ َۡیر خ ‘The best among you is he who is best towards his family.’ How can one claim to be pious when he does not behave well towards his wife! He can only be kind and good to others when his conduct with his wife is also excellen t.’ Those who appear pious also have many flaws and are not kind to their wives and family , so this needs to be considered and society should not simply go by what is apparent.The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) said: ‘ A person can only be kind and go od to others when his

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76 conduct with his wife is also excellent.It is unacceptable for an individual to get furious or hit their wife on the slightest excuse.There have been instances where an enraged husband hit his wife over some slight matter and she su stains injury in a sensitive area and dies.This is why Allah the Exalted has stated concerning them: ۚ ِ عَاشِرُّوۡہُّن ََ بِالۡمَعۡرُّوۡف ‘…Consort with them in kindness…’ (4:20) There is no doubt that admonition is necessary if a woman behaves improperly.’( Malfuzat, Vol.I, pp.403 – 404) Sometimes acrimony develops between husband and wife over small matters leading to resentment.Allah the Exalted has made man physically stronger; if the man stays quiet perhaps more than eighty percent of conflicts would stop there and then.All that is needed is to be mindful and to be kind and patient.What was the blessed model of our master, the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) in this regard? It is related that once Hazrat ‘Aishah (may Allah be pl eased with her) was speaking heatedly to the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) when her father Hazrat Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) arrived.He could not control himself when he saw this and moved forward to hit Hazrat ‘Aisha h (may Allah be pleased with her) for talking to the Prophet of God in this manner.Promptly, the Holy Prophet (peace and

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77 blessings of Allah be on him) stood in between the father and the daughter and saved Hazrat ‘Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her) fr om possible punishment of her father.After Hazrat Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) left, the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) jokingly said to Hazrat ‘Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her), ‘See, how I saved you from your fat her!’ Observe the excellent model here.Not only did he try to quash the disagreement by staying quiet, he also asked Hazrat ‘Aishah’s (may Allah be pleased with her) father not to say anything to her and then relieved the momentary tension by joking with Hazrat ‘Aishah.It is further related that when Hazrat Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) next visited, he saw Hazrat ‘Aishah speaking cheerfully to the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him).Hazrat Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) said, ‘Look, you shared your conflict with me, now also share your happiness with me.’ (Abu Daud, Kitab ul Adaab) The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) used to show great love and fondness towards Hazrat ‘Aishah (may Allah be ple ased with her).Once he said to her that he knew very well when she was happy and when she was displeased.Hazrat ‘Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her) asked how was that? He replied, ‘when you are pleased with me, you swear by Lord of Muhammad in your c onversation and when you are displeased with me you mention Lord of Abraham.’ Hazrat ‘Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her) replied, ‘yes, Prophet of

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78 God, this is so, but I only miss saying your name verbally (your love cannot leave my heart).’ (Bukhari, Kitab ul Nikah Bab ghairatin - Nisa wa wajdihinna) The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) said: ‘With the exception of indecency, all weaknesses and petulant behaviour of women should be tolerated.I find it shameful that a man should fight a woman.God has made us men, which is the consummation of His grace upon us, and we should express our gratitude for this great bounty by treating women with kindness and compassion.’ Once the harsh nature and abusive language of a friend was mentioned to the Promised M essiah (on whom be peace) and it was said that he treats his wife harshly.The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) found this very offensive and was very sad and displeased and said: ‘Our friends should not be like this.’ He spoke at length on how to conso rt with women and then said: ‘As for me, I once addressed my wife in a loud voice and I felt that my tone was indicative of displeasure , though I had uttered no harsh words.Yet thereafter I sought forgiveness from God for a long time and offered supererog atory Prayers with great humility and also gave alms because I felt that my harshness towards my wife might have been occasioned by some unconscious weakness in my obedience to God Almighty.

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79 (Malfuzat, Vol.2, p.307, published in Rabwah) These are the mod els of courtesy to wives that we see in this age in the practice of the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) in adherence to his master the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) and we can create peace in our homes by following them.’ F riday sermon delivered on 23 January 2004 at Baitul Futuh, London.Khutbaat e Masroor Vol.2.Pp.64 – 65 2005 Edition.Published by Nazarat e Isha’at Rabwah) Advising kindness towards women in his Friday sermon delivered on 24 June 2005 at International C entre, Toronto, Canada , Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said: ‘ Allah the Exalted has made man the قَوام (guardian).H e has a greater sense of tolerance.His nerves are stronger.If they make s mall mistakes and oversights they should be forgiven.’ (Published in Al Fazl International 8 July 2005) Elucidating a pronouncement of the Promised Messiah (o n whom be peace) about kindness towards one’s family in detail , Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said at another occasion:

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80 ‘Do not even consider women to be contemptible and insignificant!! Our perfect guide, the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) has said: ِٖ ل ر ًلَِہ ر ُّکُّم َۡیر خ ر کُّم ُّ َۡیر خ ‘The best among you is he who is best towards his family.’ How can one claim to be pious when he does not behave well towards his wife? He can be pious and good to others when he behaves well towards his wife.’ (Malfuzat, Vol.1, p.403 ) So, this is a glimpse of the teaching that Islam gives us and teaches us.In this age the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) renewed this teaching and explained it to us.Thus, the precedence of these beautiful teachings were set fourte en hundred years ago by Allah the Exalted through His beloved Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) who set the highest example declaring that he himself treated his wives in the best manner.However, with the passage of time, as implementation of other commandments of Islam diminished, the same fate befell on the commandment of taking care of women and to respect and honour them.It became insignificant to give women’s rights, and it was forgotten that a pious woman who does good deeds is such that Paradise lies under her feet.As I have said, in this age the implementation of the commandments concerning women has diminished.Therefore, Allah the Exalted drew the attention of the Imam of the age and the true and ardent devotee of the Holy Proph et

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81 (may peace and blessings be on him) to this matter that he should establish the rights of women in his Jama’at.The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) likened the gentle sex [women] to glass which falls to pieces if harshly treated, w hose physical constitution is delicate, and who is given such feelings by God that she needs to be treated with gentleness and kindness.She is like the rib bone.B enefit from her nature as it is.Thus, when Allah the Exalted has enabled you to be among th e Jama’at of an Imam who is once again directly commanded by Allah the Exalted to establish your rights, then you should, remaining thankful to God, be ever ready to act on His commandments, the commandments that our Creator has given us.’ (Address to ladi es delivered on 29 July 2006 at Jalsa Salana UK.Published in Al Fazl International 26 June 2015) In his address delivered on 31 July 2004 at Jalsa Salana UK Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) drew attention of men and women to their oblig ations in a most excellent manner and said: ‘Observe how the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) has expounded that as regards to rights, both man and woman have the same rights.Thus man cannot say that he is the قوام qawwam (guardian) and hence he has mo re rights; this does not make him worthy of more rights.Just as women are

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82 responsible to pay all the rights of men, men are responsible to pay all the rights of women.’ Huzoor e Anwer added: ‘ T here is a vernacular idiom that the status of a woman is like that of a shoe.This is an utterly despicable ideology and the idiom is wrong.This idiom indicates that when a husband has had enough of his wife and happens to like another woman, he can marry her and leave the first wife without paying any regard to her sentiments.This indeed would be a very despicable thing to do.A woman is not an object but is a person with feelings and sentiments.Men have been told that it is extremely wrong of them to find excuses to make the wife’s life miserable by deeming her l owly and treating her heinously.She has been a source of peace in their home for a long period, she is the mother of their children and has endured pain for their sake.Then unjustifiable restrictions are placed on women not to leave the home in the name of purdah! If a woman goes to the mosque for Ja ma’at work, allegations are made that she goes elsewhere.This is extremely vulgar and men have been forbidden from it.Husbands should treat their wives in a way that they forge a relationship like that of t wo true friends.Just as two true friends are ready to make sacrifices for each other, so should husband and wife.The bond in which husband and wife are joined is a life - long pact and in Islam honouring pacts is a basic commandment.Those who fulfil pacts are liked by

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83 Allah the Exalted.Marriage is a bond in which husband and wife know each other’s private matters.This is why it is stated that a wife is witness to many matt ers regarding her husband; his virtues , his qualities , his failings and the level o f his morals.Thus the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) is saying here that if the husband does not treat his wife well and does not live in peace with her, does not fulfil her rights, how can he fulfil th e rights of Allah the Exalted? H ow can he wors hip God and how will he feel worthy of seeking Divine mercy when he is unfair to his wife? This is why the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said the best among you is one who is good to his family, is good to his wife.This is the saf eguard of women Islam has facilitated.Which other religion safeguards women like this and looks after their rights in this manner.’ Elucidating verse 35 of Surah Al Nisa Huzoor e Anwer said in the same address: Critics object about the Quranic verse: ِ َٰۤلَ النَِس َٓاء مُّوۡن َ ع َہ اَلرَِجَال ُّ قَو ‘Men are guardians over women…’ (4:35) and also: ُّ ّللَہ بِمَا فَضََل َ ا ‘…Allah has made some excel others…’ (4:35).Commentators have given varying interpretation of

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84 this.I shall relate a brief part of a most bea utiful commentary of the same [verse] by Hazrat Khalifatul Masih IV (may Allah have mercy on him).He said: ‘First of all let us take the word قوام qawwam (guardian).Qawwam is someone who reforms; who straightens what is crooked and twisted.Thus men wil l be called qawwam in terms of being responsible for reforming society.The real significance of the word qawwam is that the foremost responsibility in society to reform women is of men.If female society starts to go wrong and develops crookedness and abe rrance and a liberal wave detrimental to family life , in other words, it destroys the family system and relationships then before blaming the women, men should first do some soul - searching because Allah the Exalted has appointed them guardians.It will app ear that will not have fulfil led some of their responsibilities in this regard.God Almighty states in: ُّ ّللَہ بِمَا فَضََل َ ا ‘…Allah has made some excel others…’ (4:35) that He has placed certain inherent excellences in each creation which are not found in other creation and some excel others.The word qawwam denotes one excellence of men here and most certainly does not mean that men excel women in every aspect.’ (Address of Hazrat Khalifatul Masih IV (may Allah have mercy on him) at Jalsa Salana UK 1 August 1987)

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85 By stating ِ َٰۤلَ النَِس َٓاء مُّوۡن َ ع َہ اَلرَِجَال ُّ قَو ‘Men are guardians over women…’ (4:35) attention of men is drawn towards the fact that they have not properly fulfilled the responsibility of the welfare of society entrusted to them by Allah the Exalted.Therefor e if certain wrongs develop in female society it is because of the incompetence o f men.Women accept this matter even in the Western world today it is acknowledged and women are referred to as the gentle sex.Thus, they acknowledge that women are the gentl er sex and women themselves acknowledge that in certain matters they are physically weaker than men and cannot compete with them.Men and women have separate sports teams even in this society.Thus, when Allah the Exalted has stated that He is the Creator and He is aware of how He has formed men and women and owing to the difference between them He states that men excel women, objections are raised that look, Islam gives men preference over women! Women should be pleased that Allah the Exalted has put gre ater responsibility on men even in terms of small domestic matters when husband and wife have minor rows and estrangements.Men are enjoined in such instances to show more tolerance since they are stronger and are qawwam and have stronger nerves.And find a resolution to the problem with fortitude in a way that the minor argument does not develop

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86 into a major dispute resulting in courts of law and divorce.Moreover, men have also been given the responsibility of providing for the household expenses.’ (Addre ss delivered to ladies on 31 July 2004 at Jalsa Salana UK.Published in Al Fazl International 24 April 2015) Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) recited verse 20 of Surah Al Nisa in the same address and after giving its translation, expounded it and s aid : َ ًلَ یَحِل َُّ لَکُّم ۡ اَن ۡ تَرِثُّوا النَِس َٓاء مَنُّوۡا ہ ّلََِیۡن َ ا یٰۤاَیَُّہَا ا ا کَرۡہ ََ تَیۡتُّمُّوۡہُّن ہ َ ًلَ تَعۡضُّلُّوۡہُّن ََ لِتَذۡہَبُّوۡا بِبَعۡض ِ مَا ۤۡ ا ؕ و ا ۚ ِ ٍ ۚ و َ عَاشِرُّوۡہُّن ََ بِالۡمَعۡرُّوۡف ُِیَۡ بِفَاحِشَۃ ٍ مَُّبَیَِنَۃ ًِلََۤۡ اَن ۡ یََاۡت ا ۡ فَاِن ُّ ّللَہ ا و ََ یَجۡعَل َ ا ا کَرِہۡتُّمُّوۡہُّن ََ فَعَسٰۤی اَن ۡ تَکۡرَہُّوۡا شَیۡئ ِۡیۡا ا ﴿ َۡیۡا ا کَث فِیۡہ ِ خ ۲۰ ﴾ ‘ ‘O ye who believe! it is not lawful for you to inherit women against their will; nor should you detain them wrongfully that you may take away part of that which you have given them, except that they be guilty of a flagrant evil; and consort with them in kindness; and if you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing wherein Allah has placed much good.’ (4:20) ‘Allah the Exalted commands you to tr eat women very well.Do not needlessly harass them for you

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87 have wedded them and they have left their families, parents, brothers and sisters.Fulfil their rights rather than look ing for excuses not to pay their rights.’ (Address delivered to ladies on 31 J uly 2004 at Jalsa Salana UK.Published in Al Fazl International 24 April 2015) Citing an extract from the Promised Messiah’s (on whom be peace) writings concerning kindness to women Huzoor e Anwe r (may Allah be his Helper ) said: ‘The Promised Messiah (on wh om be peace) says, ‘It is a grave sin to hurt someone’s feelings and matters of young women are most sensitive.’ Where men are permitted to reprimand, it is by way of warning.Physical chastisement is not allowed apart from in some particular matters whic h are specific to faith and matters which are done in flagrant disregard of the commandments of Allah the Exalted.However, what right does a man have to say anything to his wife who himself does not offer Salat and does not abide by religious commandments ? What men have been permitted, with conditions, is actually to establish rights of women.(Women may feel that these matters should be told to men.Do not worry, men are listening to this in the marquee next door.

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88 In fact men all over the world are listen ing to this regarding the safeguard ing of your rights).2 A companion of the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) spoke harshly to his wife.This caused Allah the Exalted to send a revelation to the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) commanding courteous t reatment of wives: The revelation states: ‘This is not a good way.Abdul Karim, the leader of the Muslims, should be told not to pursue it.’ (Arba’in, no.3, Ruhani Khaza’in, Vol.17, p.428) The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) said: ‘This revelation c ontains guidance for the whole Jama'at, that they should treat their wives with kindness and courtesy.Your wives are not your slaves.In point of fact, marriage is a covenant between man and woman.Therefore, strive not to be unfaithful in your covenant.Allah the Exalted states in the Holy Qur’an: ۚ ِ و َ عَاشِرُوۡہُن بِالۡمَعۡرُوۡف that is, lead a life of kindness and equity with your wives.And it is mentioned in Hadith: ِٖ ل ر ًلَِہ ر ُّکُّم َۡیر خ ر کُّم ُّ َۡیر خ ‘The best among you is he who is best towards his wife.’ Therefore, be good to your wives bot h spiritually and physically.Keep praying for them and 2 This Jalsa Salana UK 2004 address was televised Live on MTA via satellite all over the world, hence the reference to men all over the world listening to the discourse.

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89 avoid divorce.A person who is hasty in divorce is sinful in the eyes of God.Do not hasten to break that which God has brought together as though it is a dirty vessel.’ (Appendix Tohfah Golarhviyyah, footnote, Ruhani Khaza’in, Vol.17 p.75) You can see that even in this age , through the Promised Messish (on whom be peace) Allah the Exalted has commanded us to fulfil the rights through the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace).In one place he said that in one way a man has been made a woman’s servant.No law of today’s enlightened world gives such rights to women.' (Address delivered to ladies on 31 July 2004 at Jalsa Salana UK.Published in Al Fazl International 24 April 2015) Joint Family System Menti oning the pros and cons of joint family system , Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) advised Jama’at members and said : ‘Another malady which is ruining homes and causing constant conflicts and restlessness in families is that after marriage, despite the capacity to live independently and without any warrantable reason, young men stay at their parents’ home with their siblings.If the parents are elderly and have no one to take care of them and are disabled with no helper, then it is the son’s duty to kee p them with him and

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90 also serve them.However, if there are other siblings who live with the parents, then there is no harm in living separately.These days a lot of difficulties are created because of this.If living in joint family situation only increase s one to commit sins then it cannot be a virtue or a means to serve parents.Recently a most distressing incident took place in the Jama’at in a country.All siblings were living together in a joint family arrangement and each had two rooms.There was so me disagreement between two daughters - in - law because of children.When the husband of one of them came home in the evening, she riled him by telling tales of how his brother and his wife had said things about something the children had fought over.The ma n was so enraged that he picked up a gun and killed all three of his brothers and then committed suicide.Thus, due to such a trivial reason there were four deaths in one family home at one time! If the love and affection of living in joint family arrange ment for the sake of increasing lov e and affection [in reality ] increases mutual acrimony , then there is no [Divine] commandment regarding this and it is better to live separately.Decisions in every matter should be based on astuteness and not emotions.Expounding the verse :

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91 ََٰۤل ًلَ ع ََ ًلَۡعۡرَج ِ حَرَج ٌ و َٰۤلَ ا ًلَ ع ََ ی حَرَج ٌ و ہ ًلَۡعۡم َٰۤلَ ا لَیۡس َ ع ًَل ََ الۡمَرِیۡض ِ حَرَج ٌ و ۡۢ َٰۤلٰۤ اَنۡفُّسِکُّم ۡ اَن ۡ تَاۡکُّلُّوۡا مِن ع ۡ تِکُّم ۡ اَو ہ ب َٓائِکُّم ۡ اَو ۡ بُّیُّوۡت ِ اُّمََہ ہ بُّیُّوۡتِکُّم ۡ اَو ۡ بُّیُّوۡت ِ ا ِ بُّیُّوۡت ِ ا ۡ تِکُّم ہ خۡوَانِکُّم ۡ اَو ۡ بُّیُّوۡت ِ اَخَو ‘There is no harm for the blind and there is no harm for the lame, and there is no harm for the sick and none for yourselves, that you eat from your own houses, or the houses of your fathers, or the houses of your mo thers or the houses of your brothers, or the houses of your sisters…’(24:62) Commenting on this verse Hazrat Khalifatul Masih I (may Allah be pleased with him) said : I n India people often particularly complain about disagreements between the mother - in - law and the daughter - in - law in their family.If they acted upon the Holy Qur’an , this would not be the case.He said (the verse about eating from various homes) indicates that there should be separate homes; mother’s home should be separate from her married so n’s home.Only then will it be possible to actually go to each other’s house to eat.’ Thus we see that this idea that moving out of parents’ home is some sort of huge sin and indeed there are certain parents who frighten their children in this regard, in f act they emotionally black - mail them into thinking as if they will be hell - bound as soon as they move out of parents’ home.This is a most erroneous thinking.

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92 I have often asked some young women and when they are in the presence of parents - in - law, they sa y they are living [with the in - laws] of their own will as do the sons, but when asked separately they answer that they are living due to constraints.This ultimately results in sometimes the daughter - in - law being cruel to the mother - in - law and at other tim es the mother - in - law being cruel to the daughter - in - law! (Friday sermon delivered on 10 November 2006 at Baitul Futuh, London.Published Al Fazl International 1 December 2006) Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) also said: ‘If a girl who comes to her husband’s home after leaving her parental home and is not treated properly in the in - laws’ house and if the family lives as a joint family, her condition becom es like that of a captive.A captive for whom no one cares.Neither the girl says anything to her parents nor do the parents ask her lest her family life worsens.It is a most cruel act if a girl is made to live in such ghastly conditions.’ (Address delivered to ladies on 31 July 2004 at Jalsa Salana UK.Published in Al Fazl International 24 April 201 5) At another occasion Huzoore Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said: ‘The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) came to spread love.As Ahmadis we should make efforts to promote love and desist from spreading hatred.

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93 Most families live lovingly but those who cannot should not make emotional decisions.Rather, if they are enabled and have the facility and there is no constraint, it is better to have separate ho mes.It is a very fine point made by Hazrat Khalifatul Masih I (may Allah be pleased with him) that i f joint family arrangement was so essential , why does the Holy Qur’an mention separate homes of parents? It is indeed commanded to serve one’s parents , to look after their needs, not to be irked by anything they say, and not to even say ‘ fie ’ to them and i t is important to abide by this.A husband shoul d look after the close relatives of his wife, it is important to abide by this.This is a fundamental commandment made at the time of nikah.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 10 November 2006 at Baitul Futuh, Lond on.Published Al Fazl International 1 December 2006) During his 2011 tour of Canada, Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) had a meeting with Rishta Nata Committee (department facilitating matrimonial matches) on 11 July and said: ‘Some young men here in Canada, USA and western countries get involved in inappropriate practices which lead to some failings in them.At times, t arbiyyat (spiritual and moral training) and counselling corrects them and at other times it does not.Similarly, sometimes girls have some failings.Anyhow when matches are being arranged these matters should come to the fore and both parties should employ righteousness in disclosing them so that future disputes can be avoided.’

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94 Huzoor e Anwer added: ‘ Some families taunt girls after marr iage that they did not bring any dowry, or taunt them if they bear no children, or if they only have daughters.Thus, the husband’s family taunts the wife and this leads to separation.Some grandmothers come from rural environments in Pakistan and are pred isposed to rustic mind - set.Many relationships suffer because of their ignorant mind - set.’ (Published in Al Fazl International 28 September 2012) ***

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95 Some Causes of Marital Pro blems Levelling Accusations and Ill Treatment of Wives Huzoor e Anwer ( may Allah be his Helper) elucidated marital problems and their solutions in his Friday sermon of 10 November 2006.Following are some extracts from the sermon.Huzoor e Anwer said: ‘Complaints regarding marital conflicts are on the increase again.At times extremely coarse and heinous matters are brought to attention in which allegations are made against each other or women are severely mistreated by the husbands or the in - laws.If it were not for the grace of Allah and His commandment ذَکِر [So go on rem inding; surely, reminding is profitable.87:10] there would be great despondence and one would leave these offenders to their own devices for they exceed all limits!’ Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said regarding such people: ‘ Because righteousnes s is not being followed and there is no fear of God, therefore sometimes swayed by what others say or influenced by their surroundings men make dreadful allegations against their wives, perhaps in pursuit of second marriage, a quest that sometimes develops in some people and they most casually make allegations against the first wife.If someone is keen on second marriage, if the

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96 need for it is warrantable then they may go ahead, but they should not disgrace the poor first wife.’ Huzoor e Anwer added: ‘Someti mes men use the excuse that the wife is disobedient and does not listen.Not only does she not respect his parents, rather she disrespects them, fights with his brothers and sisters and she incites the children against them and brings the family into disre pute by gossiping with her friends in the neighbourhood.There are very clear commandments in this regard: ِِف ََ ِتِۡ تَخَافُّوۡن َ نُّشُّوۡزَہُّن ََ فَعِظُّوۡہُّن ََ و َ اہۡجُّرُّوۡہُّن َہ و َ ال ََلَ تَبۡغُّوۡا ََ ۚ فَاِن ۡ اَطَعۡنَکُّم ۡ ف الۡمَضَاجِع ِ و َ اضۡرِبُّوۡہُّن ۡ عَلَی ِۡیۡا ا ﴿ ا کَب َا َ کَان َ عَلِی ّللَہ ؕ اِن ََ ا َۡلا ہِن ََ سَبِی ۳۵ ﴾ ‘…And as for those on whose part you fear disobedience, admonish them and leave them alone in their beds and chastise them.Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them.Surely, Allah is High, Great.’ (4:35).That is, first counsel them and if they do not listen and exceed limits and a lot of notoriety is caused in the surroundings, then strictness is allowed.However, it is not permissible to use this as an excuse to physically chastise t he wife on small trivial matters in a way that may cause injury to her.This is an extremely cruel act.The Hadith of the Holy Prophet (may peace and blessings

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97 of Allah be on him) should always be kept in view in which he said that if ever the need for phy sical chastisement arose it should be carried out to an extent that did not leave any mark on the body.Physical chastisement is not allowed on excuses like , ‘ you spoke harshly to me ’ , ‘ why did you cook bread for me in this manner ’ , why you said such and s uch in front of my parents and spoke in that way and other strange and small matters like these.Allah’s commandments should not be moulded according to your own wishes and you should fear God! Allah the Exalted goes on to say that if your wife takes an ex treme step for which you have had to chastise her then remember not to foster malice in your heart.When she reverts to completely obeying you, do not be harsh to her: ا َا َ کَان َ عَلِی ّللَہ ؕ اِن ََ ا َۡلا ََلَ تَبۡغُّوۡا عَلَیۡہِن ََ سَبِی فَاِن ۡ اَطَعۡنَکُّم ۡ ف ِۡیۡا ا ﴿ کَب ۳۵ ﴾ ‘Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them.Surely, Allah is High, Great.’ (4:35).Remember if you consider yourself physically stronger than women, be mindful that Allah the Exalted is far Greater and Powerful than you.A woman h as some significance before you, in fact she is equal to you however you have no significance before God Almighty.Therefore, fear Him and desist from these actions.’

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9 8 ‘…Some men are so cruel that they make extremely foul allegations and disgra ce their wive s.Sometimes women also act in this way but because men have more resources available to them and have more power and are more conversant with the outside world, they make greater use of this.However, they should remember that in their presumption they ma y be availing of the situation, yet they are preparing fire for themselves.They should have some fear and abandon these practices.Some are so far gone in cruelty that they flee with the children to other countries, and are still known as Ahmadis.The mot her is left screaming and wailing while they make wrong accusations against the mother and depr ive her of her children despite the fact that we have ascertained that the Holy Qur’an states wrongful allegations should not be made in order to gain benefits.What is worse is that such men are helped by all their relatives.The Jama’at should take immediate steps against such men and against all the relatives who aid them and the Jama’at should recommend disciplinary action against them.Observe what the Qurani c teaching is and what the conduct of such people is! It is regrettable that sometimes some office - holders help such men and righteousness is not practised by anyone involved.The allegations, children having to give statements, the mother being criticise d in front of the children in an extremely inappropriate way, all this ruins the children’s sense of morality.Such men push their children in the fire to feed their own egos.And the sense of honour for faith of some men dies

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99 such a death that if they are disciplined due to such conduct and are excommunicated from the Jama’at, they still do not care and abandon faith for their ego!’ ‘…Anyhow, as I said the real need is for us to remove oppression and create justice and among the major duties of Khilafat is do ing justice and establishing it.Therefore office - holders of the Jama’at should also be mindful of this responsibility that the Nizam e Jama’at which they serve, operates in representing the Khalifa of the time.Therefore it is their foremost duty to fu lfil all requisites of justice.It is a huge responsibility and everyone ought to carry out their obligations whilst being fully mindful that God is ever watching them.When making decisions, when making recommendations to the Khalifa of the time , every ty pe of personal relations should be disregarded.If someone’s conduct has angered you, then wait a couple of days before making recommendation so that it is not a biased referral in any way.Involved parties should also remember that sometimes they say the wrong thing in order to attain their right s , or one should say, they demand what is not rightfully theirs.’ ‘Just as I mentioned earlier , some parents take the children to another country or put them in hiding or gain custody by either giving false state ments or by making the children give false statements.Allah the Exalted states that a mother should not be hurt because of her children and a father also should not be hurt because of his children.Allah the Exalted states if you do not abide by righteous ness and do

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100 not fulfil each other’s rights, remember Allah the Exalted is aware of everything.He is aware and He also watches and Allah does not let go of those who are cruel.Thus fear Allah at all times and be ever aware that just as your parents have rights over you, the mothers of your children also have rights over their children.As I said and it was made evident in the overview as well that mostly these injustices are perpetrated by the father, this is why I am drawing attention of men to care for their wives and give them their rights.If you abide by virtue and righteousness then, with the exception of what God wills, generally speaking your wives will be devoted to you.Rather than break up, your homes will flourish and will be exemplary in their surrounding! The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) wrote a letter of advice to one of his companions in which he said: ‘It has been a source of pain to hear from some of your true friends who have a sincere connection of affection with you and who thin k well of you that you are most severe in matters regarding treatment of your wife and family.That at times you do not have control in moderating your temper.I have not seen this complaint as incredulous because first of all those who mentioned it are co nvinced of all your good qualities and have sincere affection for you.And secondly because God has given a sort of authority to men over women and men wish to exercise this authority on trivial matters with the intention to discipline or owing to [their] sense of

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101 honour.However, as Allah the Exalted and His Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) have enjoined extreme forbearance and tolerance in consorting with women, I thought it necessary to advise someone as pious and fortunate as you are reg arding this counsel.Allah the Exalted states: ۚ ِ و َ عَاشِرُّوۡہُّن ََ بِالۡمَعۡرُّوۡف ‘…consort with them in kindness…’(4:20) that is, consort with your wives in a manner that has no aspect contrary to high morals and has no brutal element.Rather, conside r them your sincere partner in this transitory world and consort with them in kindness.The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said ‘The best among you is he who is best towards his wife’.So much stress has been laid to consorting with kindness that I cannot [adequately] write it in this letter.My dear, the wife is meek and fragile who has been entrusted to man by God and He watches over as to how each man treats her.Gentleness should be employed and it should be borne in mind at all t imes that my wife is a dear guest who has been entrusted to me by God Almighty and He is watching over as to how I undertake the conditions of hospitality.I am a creature of God and she is also creature of God, what control do I have over her! Man should not become blood - thirsty and should be kind to wives and should teach them faith.In fact my belief is that the first instance of testing man’s morals is his wife.If

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102 sometimes by chance I am a little harsh to my wife, m y body trembles with the thought th at God has entrusted me with an individual from hundreds of miles away, perhaps I sinned in acting like this.I then say to her to pray for me in her Salat that if what I did was against the will of God, may He forgive me.I am very cautious lest we are em broiled in any cruel act.Therefore I am hopeful you too will do the same.How forbearing our chief and master, the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) was with hi s wives.What more can I write! Wassalaam’ (Al Hakm, Vol.9, No.13, dated 17 April 1903, p.6) May Allah the Exalted make us follow the paths of His pleasure and enable us to do the most excellent deeds that His Prophet (may peace and blessings of Allah be on him) and the Messiah (on whom be peace) imparted to us.’ (Friday serm on delivered on 10 November 2006 at Baitul Futuh, London.Published Al Fazl International 1 December 2006) Huzoor e Anwer strictly admonished concerning such matters at another occasion and said: ‘Some men leave their wives and make wrong and foul allegatio ns about the m, which is not right in any way.The Qadha Board should not even listen to people who make allegations against their wives.Administrative measures should be taken against them and Ameer Sahib should request for them to be

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103 excommunicated.In s hort, foulness is being created in Western countries including Canada.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 24 June 2005 at International Centre, Toronto, Canada Published Al Fazl International 8 July 2005) Greed and Lack of Sense of Honour in Husbands Huzoor e Anw er (may Allah be his Helper) advised members of the Jama’at in light of m oral weaknesses of some families and said: ‘There are also men whom I address [here], those who lack honour and who demand from their wives to hand over jewellery they brought in thei r dowry to run business or any cash they may have to start a business venture.If there is love and affection between husband and wife, with mutual understanding, women do give [whatever is asked].However, if a woman knows that her husband is useless and does not have business acumen and feels that she wil l lose whatever possession and money she has in a short period and the family situation will go back to poverty, so she does not give and this worsens the conflicts.At times, this lack of honour [on par t of the husband] exceeds and having once being dishonourable, the husband demands the wife that her father is well - off and rich, so she should get such and such money from him so that the husband can run his business.The man’s family, his brothers

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104 and si sters etc.also get involved in this and incite him to demand money as if it is the girl’s res ponsibility to pay for all the in - laws.People who commit such terrible actions are always those who do not turn to Allah the Exalted; neither do they put their t rust in Him nor do they practice His commandments and teachings.Those who do not pay the rightful dues of worship of Allah the Exalted can never inculcate trust in Allah within themselves.As mentioned earlier, when such circumstances arise in marital mat ters it is again women who are made to suffer.If the husband’s demand is not fulfilled the wife is thrown out of the home and that is a very painful situation and situations such as the ones I am mentioning do come to pass.May Allah the Exalted have merc y and enable such families to use more sense and thought , and may every Ahmadi family demonstrate a model of love and affection.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 15 August 2003 at Fazl Mosque, London.Published in Al Fazl International 10 October 2003) H uzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said at another occasion: ‘ I have to say regretfully that it is very painful to hear of certain situations and at times it causes anxiety as to where some of us are heading! People forget all the sacrifices made by th e wife, so much so that some stoop so low that they take money from the wife; they pressurise her to take money from her parents for business purposes or forcibly include their name on

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105 the deeds of a house bought with her money and constantly threaten her.It is astonishing when at times young men from good, decent families do this.These people should fear God and reform themselves.Or else, let it be clear that if the matters come before the Nizam e Jama’at, it neither supports such vulgar people, nor wi ll it [in the future]!’ Huzoore Anwer added: ‘Men who eye their wives’ property should take heed from this that it is their responsibility to provide and they have no right over the property of their wives.They are indeed responsible to meet the full expe nses of wives and children.No matter what the situation is, even if they have to take on manual work, it is their obligation to meet the expenses of the household.If prayer is made along with hard work, Allah the Exalted blesses and grants increase [in i ncome].’ (Friday sermon delivered on 2 July 2004 at International Centre, Mississauga, Canada.Published in Al Fazl International 16 July 2004) ‘Now I will mention some general matters.When separation takes place some people use the law of the land and ha ve half of the property/house purchased with the wife’s money registered in their name.May be they become rightful owners in the eyes of the law but in the sight of Allah the Exalted they are perpetrating a manifest sin.Allah the Exalted says

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106 that even i f you have given heaps of wealth to your wife, do not take it back let alone rob the wife’s property and take possession of what is hers.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 10 November 2006 at Baitul Futuh, London.Published Al Fazl International 1 December 20 06) Explaining the significance of keeping righteousness in view when arranging m arriages Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be pleased with him) said in one of his Friday sermons: ‘Recently someone wrote to me that his matrimonial match could not be arranged, the D irectorate of Rishta Nata in Pakistan did not cooperate with him.When I asked for a report it was found out that many matrimonial matches were suggested to him but were not liked for the reason that the young man said the match should be arranged on his c onditions.His educational qualification is basic Matric, but his condition was that the young woman should be educated with a master’s degree and should be in employment.The woman should be earning and he wanted to be gifted a house at marriage as well a s 100,000 to 200,000 in cash.He wanted his wife to support him and not only that, he did not want to be told to go out to work by his in - laws or the wife.He said it was up to him if and when he worked.A person like this can only be termed as having ment al health issues.Rishta nata department should not pay attention to su ch proposals and such young men.I do not know why th ey kept sending him proposals,

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107 because if they have to deal with such people the rishta nata staff may themselves develop mental hea lth issues.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 1 December 2006 at Baitul Futuh, London) Unfair Demands During the aforementioned Friday sermon, Huzoor e Anwer said regarding u nfair demands : ‘Regrettably , good ness is demanded of others but is not practiced by any one.The situation in certain instances can be seen when nothing is said at the time of marriage and no condition is made, however the attitude after marriage becomes such as the above, some complaints are made in this reg ard.Wrong demands are made of the young woman’s family and if the response is not to their liking or the demands are not met, arguments, quarrels and strife ensue and the young woman is taunted.May Allah the Exalted give sense to such people and have mercy on them.No one other than some one foolish and oppressive who has wronged his own soul (because no one can be unjust to Allah the Exalted as one can be to people ) will say something in this vein and will be wronging his soul.[Indeed], none other than an individual who has no insight or perception of the Divine attribute of Rububiyyat (quality of nurturing and sustaining), who is not aware of the numerous favours of our Lord and among these favours are His

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108 commandments by following which we can seek beneficence of the prayers that our Lo rd has taught us.Without this it is not possible.A prayer taught in three verses of Surah Al Shu’ara is: ُِیَۡ ﴿ لِح َہ ا و ََ اَلۡحِقۡن ِۡ بِالص ا ۡ ِلِۡ حُّکۡم رَب َِ ہَب ۸۴ ﴾ َِِۡل ۡ و َ اجۡعَل خِرِیۡن َ ﴿ ًلۡہ ِفِ ا ٍ لِسَان َ صِدۡق ۸۵ ﴾ ِ و َ اجۡعَلۡن ِۡ مِن ۡ وََرَثَۃ ِ جَنََۃ النََعِیۡم ِ ﴿ ۸۶ ﴾ ‘My Lord, bestow wisdom on me and join me in the righteous; And give me a true reputation among posterity; And make me one of the inheritors of the Garden of Bliss.’ (26:84 – 86) Listening to people who do not recognise thei r Lord and are devoid of sense there is only the prayer which Hazrat Ibrahim (on whom be peace) made for us that can be offered.We should always pray to our Lord for us to adopt and stay firm on wisdom and what is right and along with this we should try a nd pay attention to do good works , something which has been repeatedly enjoined to us by Allah the Exalted.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 1 December 2006 at Baitul Futuh, London) In his address to ladies at Jalsa UK 2004 , Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) recited verse 20 of

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109 Surah Al Nisa and after giving its translation, Huzoor exp lained as follows: ‘Allah the Exalted commands you to treat women very well.Do not needlessly harass them for you have wedded them and they have left their families, par ents, brothers and sisters.Fulfil their rights rather than look for excuses not to pay their rights.Do not make allegations against them and if your wife has property do not try to take advantage of it.There are many ways of taking advantage , one of w hich relates to outwardly wealth.Some husbands harass their wives so much that at times wives fall ill and develop mental health problems and then the husbands take advantage of the property.At times husband and wife do not get on and husbands try to mak e the situation such that wives seek خلع khula so that husbands do not have to issue divorce and thus avoid paying haq mehr (dowry ).This is also a way to appropriate financial advantage.They go on to harass the wife for long periods even though حق مہر haq mehr is a woman’s right.Allah the Exalted states this is not justifiable in any way.Some husbands either simply seize the wife’s property or get their hands on it through deception.For example a house is bought with the wife’s money and somehow the wife is convinced to transfer it wholl y or partially in the husband’s name.They be come co - owners and after attaining ownership , the husband starts mistreating his wife.At other times after separation men take part of the house or there are men who stay at home and live off the earnings of th eir wives.It is stated that all these acts of men are wrong.

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110 Sometimes in the event of the death of the husband , the in - laws take possession of the property and the poor woman does not get anything and she is pushed out of the family and sent to her paren ts’ home.These are all cruel acts and are indeed unwarrantable.Islam tells us not to treat women in this manner.Which other religion proves to have gone so thoroughly into women’s rights? Islam alone gave women their rights.(Address to ladies delivered on 31 July 2004 at Jalsa Salana UK.Published in Al Fazl International 24 April 2015) Huzoor e Anwer also said the following concerning the subject: ‘ Every married man is a guardian over his family and it is his duty to take care of their needs.Man has be en made t he guardian.Providing for the family, to take care of children’s education, to meet all their educational needs and expenses, all these are responsibilities of the man.But it is regrettable that there are some men even in the Jama’at who, let al one provide for the family, ask their wives for money to meet their expenses although they have no right over the earnings of their wives.If a wife pays for some expenses, it is her favour on the husband.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 5 March 2004 at Baitu l Futuh, London.Published in Al Fazl International 19 March 2004)

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111 Eyeing Wife’s Wealth and Property Expressing concern over how some men are embroiled in greed Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said in a Friday sermon: ‘ I say it with great sadness t hat in Canada acrimony between husband and wife after marriage is growing quite rapidly.I believe the blame mostly lies with both sets of parents.They have no tolerance or sometimes the man’s parents try that he does not develop an understanding with his wife and the couple do not nurture any mutual trust so that the parents do not lose their son! Relationships also break when some men from Pakistan get betrothed here but after arriving here they break up the betrothal.Such people have no fear; these yo ung men should have some fear of God! The f amilies they get betrothed in have done them a favour by providing them an opportunity to come here [to the West] ! Their academic prowess is next to nothing and had they come over through an agent it would have co st them 150,000 to 200,000 Rupees.So they come here for free, as most young men also get the girls’ family to pay the airfare, and after arriving here they show their cunning behaviour.They break the betrothal and look for an other match of their choice o r sometimes such matches are pre - planned a nd they get embroiled in various vulgarities.Parents of such young men also support them , whether they are residents here or are from Pakistan!’

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112 Huzoor e Anwer added: ‘Then some young men are after the property of their wives.Even after having children, rather than look ing after them, they exploit the law and seek separation and devour the ir property.If the wife is foolish to have the property in joint name, they exploit this arrangem ent and abandon the wife and c hildren.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 24 June 2005 at International Centre, Toronto, Canada.Published in Al Fazl International 8 July 2005) With reference to the same subject Huzoor e Anwer said at another occasion: ‘However, there are a large number of young men from Pakistan, India etc.who come to this country after their marriage.After their immigration status is confirmed they start finding excuses of not getting on with the wife and start oppressing her.Allah the Exalted states: ۡ ِ ۚ فَاِن ۡ کَرِہۡتُّمُّوۡہُّن ََ فَعَسٰۤی اَن و َ عَاشِرُّوۡہُّن ََ بِالۡمَعۡرُّوۡف ِۡیۡا ا ﴿ َۡیۡا ا کَث ُّ فِیۡہ ِ خ ّللَہ ا و ََ یَجۡعَل َ ا ا تَکۡرَہُّوۡا شَیۡئ ۲۰ ﴾ ‘…and consort with them in kindness; and if you dislike them it may be that you dislike a thing wherein Allah has placed much good.’ (4:20).Thus, once marriage takes place, decency requires mutual

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113 tolerance and kindness.T ry to understand one another and adopt righteousness.Allah the Exalted says that if you are kind to each other in compliance with Allah’s Wor ds, your apparent dislike can turn into fondness and you can find good in the relationship because you do not have knowledge of the unseen but Allah has knowledge of the unseen and is the Master of all powers.He will create good for you in it.Hazrat Kh alifatul Masih I (may Allah be pleased with him) said that once he found out that a young man did not treat his wife well and was very rude to her.One day he happened to meet the young man along the way and he advised him in light of the [above] verse.He went straight home and said to his wife that of course she knew how hostile he had been towards her but that day Hazrat Maulana Nur ud Din Sahib (may Allah be pleased with him) had opened his eyes and he would now treat her well.Hazrat Khalifatul Masih I (may Allah be pleased with him) related that following this Allah the Exalted blessed him with four beautiful sons and they lived happily.Allah the Exalted thus grants such rewards if His commandments are acted on in order to gain His pleasure! Therefor e young men who come here from countries like Pakistan etc.and abandon their wives after a few days saying they do not like them or some young men marry girls from those countries because of their parents and later say that they do not like the wife and t hat they had only gone through the marriage

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114 because of the parents should self - reflect! As I said there are two kinds of young men who create problems: one kind is of residents of the West.They marry young women from abroad with the thought that they will see for a while if they get on or not.This is because the thinking here in these countries now is that first see if you get on or not and if you do not get on then kick her out of the home.Such people are not prompt in registering their marriages and ni kah here in case the young women gets some sort of legal protection enabling her to stay on here and take legal action against them.Parents are equally culpable in such matters.In any case Jama’at tries to look after such young women but actions of these people show that they do not have the right to remain in the Jama’at in any way.The other kind of young men are those who come from abroad to get married here and try and have the marriage and nikah registered promptly.Once nikah is registered and they obtain their visa etc.they start finding faults in the young women – this is followed by separation and another marriage of their own choice.Both these kinds of people are distan t from righteousness.They should not wrong themselves and should not try an d bring the Jama’at in disrepute and should abide by righteousness and practice righteousness.Allah the Exalted says that such oppressors should remember that there is a Higher Being Who is very Powerful!’ (Friday sermon delivered on 10 November 2006 at Baitul Futuh, London.Published Al Fazl International 1 December 2006) ***

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115 Guidance of Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) ‘ Every married man is guardian over his family and it is his duty to take care of their needs.Man has been mad e to look after and take care [of his family].Providing for the family, to take care of children’s education, to meet all their educational needs and expenses, all these are responsibilities of the man.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 5 March 2004 at Baitul Futuh, London.Published in Al Fazl International 19 March 2004)

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116 Significance of Haq Mehr Abiding by Promises and Payment of Haq Mehr In one of his Friday sermons Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) explained the Islamic teaching on abiding by prom ises in detail and said: ‘Promises are broken in every - day matters and this can gradually lead to serious conflict.In the case of reconciliation after a conflict, pacts are made.When reconciliatory organisations bring about resolution between two individ uals, the individuals concur and promise to keep peace.At times it is also done in writing.However, at times as soon as they leave an office or a court after reaching a resolution, they start arguing with each other with no regard for the promises and pa cts made.The pact of nikah is between two individua ls, which is not being respected in such situations.This pact is indeed made publically taking Allah as Witness whilst being conditional to abiding by the terms of righteousness.Yet, there are people of such disposition who do not even care about this.They do not fulfil the rights of their wives and are abusive to them.In spite of being well - off they give meagre house - keeping, they do not pay haq mehr to their wives although at the time of nikah they h ad stood up very proudly in front of everyone and declared that they completely agreed with the amount of the haq mehr ! Who knows if these people agree to the haq mehr amount for

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117 pretention or if their intention is always not to pay it and just simply agre e to whatever is being written down.Such people should have the Hadith in view in which the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said such people are adulterers who agree to the haq mehr with this intention.May Allah have mercy.E ven if there are less than one percent of such people among us, even if there is one in a thousand, we should still be concerned because the levels of tarbiyyat ( spiritual and moral training) of long - term Ahmadis need to be excellent to carry out proper tarbiyyat of the new - comers! Therefore these matters need to be looked into very deeply!’ (Friday sermon delivered on 27 February 2004 at Baitul Futuh, London.Published in Al Fazl International 12 March 2004) Drawing attention to the payment of Haq Mehr Hu zoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said at another occasion: ‘Hazrat Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said: ‘A man who marries a woman and fixes haq mehr with the intenti on of not paying it, is an adulterer.And I count that person a thief who takes a loan with the intention of not paying it back.’ (Majma al Zawa’id, Vol.IV, p.131)

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118 So, observe how important it is for a man to pay the حق مہر haq mehr and if the intent i s bad, then it is counted as perfidy and theft.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 6 February 2004 at Baitul Futuh, London.Khutbaat e Masroor Vol.2.P.111 2005 Edition.Published by Nazarat e Isha’at Rabwah) Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) also said the following with reference to payment of Haq Mehr: ‘If someone is keen on second marriage, if the need for it is warrantable then they may go ahead, but they should not disgrace the poor first wife.If the sole aim to say such things is to get rid of the wife hoping she may seek خلع khula and he is saved from paying حق مہر haq mehr [if not yet paid] then it is a petty and mean ploy.First of all the Qadha Board has the right in such instances to decide that the حق مہر haq mehr is payable to the woman ev en if it is a خلع khula case.Secondly, according to the law of the land they are legally bound to pay some expenses.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 10 November 2006 at Baitul Futuh, London.Published Al Fazl International 1 December 2006)

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119 Wife’s Rights R egarding Haq Mehr Addressing ladies at Jalsa Salana Germany 2011 Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said: ‘Demands are made for dowry etc.to be returned and at times lies are told.Young men are made to agree to large sums as حق مہر haq mehr on the pretext that it will never be demanded or girls say that they have forfeited حق مہر haq mehr.It is also disingenuous if girls say they do not want it, because حق مہر haq mehr is only fixed so that the woman takes it as it is her right; indeed, she should take it.Once a companion of the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) said that his wife had returned her حق مہر haq mehr, and had surrendered it.The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) told him to first go and put the amount of حق مہر haq mehr in the pa lm of his wife’s hand and if she still returns it, then it would be considered as surrendered and he would be exempt from paying it, otherwise not! The poor person had two wives, he took out a loan and placed equal amounts of حق مہر haq mehr in the palms o f his wives ’ hands and asked them to return it as they had surrendered it.The wives said they had surrendered it because they thought he did not have the capacity to pay and he would not pay it.However, now that he had given it to them, they asked him to clear off! The companion came to the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) who laughed a lot and said it was

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120 good, this is how it should have been!’ (Friday sermon, 24 July 1925 – Khutbaat e Mahmood, Vol.9, p.217, Rabwah edition).Huzoor e Anwer (may Alla h be his Helper) said as regards the significance of haq mehr: ‘Thus حق مہر haq mehr is to be received and is not to be surrendered and it is a woman’s right to take it.Those who want to surrender it should first ask for it to be placed in the palm of the ir hand s.If they have the generosity and the resolve to return it after this, they may do so.In instances where extortionate amounts of حق مہر haq mehr is agreed upon and خلع khula and divorce verdicts are passed, the Qadha Board has the authority to fi x its own rate of حق مہر haq mehr, as indeed it does, for someone who cannot afford to pay unwarranted amount of حق مہر haq mehr.Then there are those, both men and women, who go to the courts to get their rights and later maintain that it was their right by Shariah.Then they also come to the Jama’at! If they had a right through Shariah, then they should either opt for that or take the legal right! Sometimes the legal right is more than the Shariah right.In any case only o ne type of right should be claime d and injustice should not be perpetrated.One party should not be treated unfairly, neither the man nor the woman.Lies are also told in these matters.These are disgusting actions which provoke nothing but d isgust in any

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121 decent person.’ (Address deliver ed to ladies on 25 June 2011 at Jalsa Salana Germany.Published in Al Fazl International 13 April 2012) Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said the following as regards payment of haq mehr in instance of divorce: ‘ I n marital confl icts… the husband say s that he would neither leave or divorce the wife nor live with her.If the matter is brought to the Qadha Board or the courts it is dragged on without reas on by using pretexts which make the matter long drawn.As I have mentioned many times some men do no t divorce the wife in order to compel her to take خلع khula so that the man does not have to pay حق مہر haq mehr.All this distances one from righteousness.Allah the Exalted says reform yourself! If you seek mercy and forgiveness of Allah the Exalted for yourself, then show mercy yourself and give your wife her rights and give her a family life.If you wish to partake of the wide - ranging mercy of Allah the Exalted, then widen your mercy as well! ’ Huzoor e Anwer added: ‘I just explained about divorce and ho w some men make the process long - drawn and try and drag it on and on.When marriage takes place and husband and wife live together for a while and sometimes they also have children but it ends up in divorce.Here, the rights that the husband is obligated t o fulfil are clear,

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122 including paying child maintenance and , حق مہر haq mehr etc.However, Allah the Exalted states the rights of the wife should be honoured even in situations when sometimes divorce takes place where the young woman has not even left her p arental home or the حق مہر haq mehr has not been paid.Allah the Exalted states in Surah Al Baqarah: ۡ ًلَ جُّنَاح َ عَلَیۡکُّم ۡ اِن ۡ طَلََقۡتُّم ُّ النَِس َٓاء َ مَا لَم ۡ تَمَسَُّوۡہُّن ََ اَو ِ َٰۤلَ الۡمُّوۡسِع ع ۚ ََ ۚؕ و ََ مَتَِعُّوۡہُّن ا تَفۡرِضُّوۡا لَہُّن ََ فَرِیۡضَۃ ٗ قَدَرُّہ ََٰۤل ا ع َا حَق ۚ ِ ٗ ۚ مَتَاعًۢا بِالۡمَعۡرُّوۡف ِۡتِِ قَدَرُّہ َٰۤلَ الۡمُّق و َ ع ُِیَۡ ﴿ الۡمُّحۡسِن ۲۳۷ ﴾ ‘It shall be no sin for you if you divorce women while you have not touched them, nor settled for them a dowry.But provide for them — the rich man acc ording to his means and the poor man according to his means — a provision in a becoming manner, an obligation upon the virtuous.’ (2:237) Allah the Exalted states in this verse that when the husband is not willing to carry on with the relationship, no mat ter what the reasons, it is his obligation to be kind to the wife when breaking off and remunerate her according to his means.If Allah the Exalted has granted him affluence, the husband is commanded to demonstrate this.The God Who has granted him affluen ce has the power to

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123 terminate it if the a ffluence is not demonstrated by paying the dues.He has the power to change your affluence into scarcity if you do not pay your dues and are not kind.Therefore, if you wish to partake of the blessings of Allah the Exalted, be kind to the wife and demonstrate it with your wealth because Allah the Exalted does not burden any soul beyond its capacity.This is why it is stated that if someone is not able to give much he should pay whatever is within his means.Allah th e Exalted states that if you are pious and abide by righteousness then it is obligatory on you to act with such kindness.The emphasis the Holy Prophet (peace and b lessings of Allah be on him) laid on this matter is clear from the Hadith which relates th at once an Ansari got married but divorced his wife before the marriage was consummated and her حق مہر haq mehr had not been fixed.When the matter was brought to the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) he asked the man if he has given the woman anything by way of favour.The Companion replied, O Prophet of God! I do not have anythi ng to give her.The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him ) said, if you do not have anything, give her the cap that you wear on your head.(Ruhul Ma’ani, Volume 1, Page 745 - 746, Commentary on Suratul Baqarah – verse 237) This illustrates how much stress the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) laid upon fulfilling the r ights of women and looked after them.I mentioned earlier regarding an instance where حق

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124 مہر haq mehr was not settled, that even then one must give something [to the wife].However, what is to be done in the instance where haq mehr has been pre - settled? The verses that follow the verse that was recited earlier give a very clear commandment that in the situation حق مہر haq mehr has been settled but the marriage has not been consummated , half of it should be paid.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 15 May 2009 at Baitul Futuh, London.Published in Al Fazl London 5 June 2009 ) ***

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125 Some Causes of Acrimony in Relationships Marriage Not of One’s Choice R esentment s build up in some marriages that go ahead as compromises.Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said in this regard: ‘Some girls get married on the suggestion of their parents and do n ot have the courage to say the truth at the outset.They take certain actions after getting married causing lack of confidence between husband and wife which lead s on to disagreements and conflicts.Other times girls get married to someone in Pakistan with out any scrutiny or investigation on Jama’at level and it is later alleged that Jama’at did not help.Some young men sponsor wives [from Pakistan] but are very unfair to them and matters end up in divorce.The situation is frightening from both sides and t he Jama’at needs to be concerned about this.Sometimes girls acknowledge after the marriage has taken place that they do not like the match and they married only because their parents said so.Some b oys too acknowledge this after marriage and even they do not have the courage [to say this before the marriage] or perhaps they find out later that their spouse is involved elsewhere and likes someone else.If they speak of their preference before they marry, at least the lives of two f amilies can be saved from

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126 ruin.There are also instances where parents are aware [that their offspring has another preference] but they get the marriage arranged with the thought that things will sort themselves out but this does not happen! Whether it is the girl or the young man who has another preference, things do not sort themselves out and life of one of them is ruined.’ (Address to ladies delivered on 25 June 2011 at Jalsa Salana Germany.Published 13 April 2012) Huzoor e Anwer said the following in the same context: ‘Girls wi sh to marry where parents do not want them to due to certain reasons, for example, the boy is not an Ahmadi or not connected to faith but the girl remains adamant to marry him.Then, with regards to boys , they can be come embroiled in acts which become a so urce of disgrace for the entire family.This is why the prayer has been taught that O Allah do not make us face any kind of trial from our children rather put blessings in them for us.This prayer should be made at birth, in fact from the time when birth i s expected.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 12 December 2003 at Baitul Futuh, London.Published in Al Fazl International 6 February 2004) Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) gave compassionate advice to Ahmadi ladie s in one of his addresses :

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127 ‘An Ahmadi gi rl should always be mindful of her religion in that she is an Ahmadi, and if she marries outside of Ahmadiyyat then it can adversely affect her next generation and her own faith can also be compromised.The reason is that by going into a family of a differ ent faith she can come under their influence.(Address delivered to ladies on July 28 2007 at Jalsa Salana UK.Published in Al Fazl International 13 November 2015) Huzoor e Anwer said at another occasion: ‘Situations are now coming to light where hatred beg ins soon after marriage takes place; in fact hatred begins at the time of marriage! Why did they even get married ? Unfortunately such instances are on the increase here in these [Western] countries.Probably Ahmadis are being influenced by the others in th is regard despite the fact that Allah the Exalted enabled the Ahmadis to join the Jama’at of the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) purely so that they may adorn themselves with the colour of the religion of Allah.It should be so that even if marriage is not of one’s choice, the couple should initially stay together and understand each other and reflect over the advice based on which they have pledged their nikah, that is, to abide by righteousness.However, if after making all the efforts, feelings of di slike continue to develop, then before taking an extreme action, you are commanded to seek mediation, consult relatives,

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128 reflect and ponder over it.Both parties a re enjoined to act upon different commandments.It is regrettable, (although it is very rare ) that some young women demand from the very first day that although the marriage has taken place , yet they do not wish to live with their spouse.Upon investigation it transpires that the marriage only took place due to parental pressure and that the ir in tent was to marry someone else.Parents too should think about this and not ruin two lives in this manner.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 10 November 2006 at Baitul Futuh, London.Published Al Fazl International 1 December 2006) Egocentric Tendencies : A Moun tain of Problems Ego is o ne of the main causes of the onset of problems between a husband and wife is big ego.Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) shed light on this weakness and said: ‘These days , it becomes a source of great distress to hear incident s concerning marital friction through letters or through hearing from some acquaintances.O ur aims and objectives are so lofty , yet here we are, making a mountain of a mole - hill in terms of our ego s and getting entangled in trivial matters.In the process we make the small paradise of our homes into hell and rather than play positive roles in the

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129 advancement of the Jama’at, we play negative roles.May Allah the Exalted give sense to whichever party tries to instigate these issues by entangling themselves a nd the other party as well as the Nizam e Jama’at and ultimately sometimes also me in their egocentric webs.May they understand the objective for which Allah the Exalted sent the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace)! The Promised Messiah (on whom be pea ce) said: ‘The task for which God appointed me is to remove the animosity that has come to pass in the relationship between God and His creation and to once again establish love and sincerity.’… This is a great objective which every Ahmadi should try and fu lfil and be ever keen in this regard.No Ahmadi can help the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) in attaining this objective until they rid themselves of their egocentric tendencies and practice the pure guidance given to us by the Promised Messiah (on who m be peace) … Each Ahmadi should reflect over themselves and their homes and see if we have drifted away from the Quranic teaching and unconsciously distanced ourselves from the teachings of the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace)? Are we entangled in the w ebs of our egos? Both young men and young women should reflect over this matter as well as [older] men and women; in addition , both sides of in - laws should self - reflect because at times complaints come from the girl and sometimes from the boy’s side.Some times the boy’s side is being unfair, at other times the girl’s side i s

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130 being unfair, although in majority of the cases it is the male side that commits the excesses.Recently I asked the Ameer Sahib here to review the situation of ever - increasing [marital ] disagreements and see how much are the young men blameworthy and how much are the young women blameworthy and how much are both sets of parents responsible for further confusing the problems.The review informs us that if it is the girl’s culpability in one matter, the boys are culpable in almost three, that is, most problems are arising due to the unfairness of young men whereas in 30% to 40% of the matters it is the in - laws who create the friction.Here too the girl’s parents are less responsible.’ Huzo or e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) added: ‘Islam has given us the most beautiful teaching to establish our domestic life and create an air of love and affection.It is surprising and sad that people get embroiled in the webs of their big egos and become t he cause of ruining two homes, two families and many times the next generation.May Allah have mercy! The wisdom of the announcement of the Islamic nikah or the bond of marriage is that according to the commandment of Allah the Exalted the man and woman wh o are forming the union of husband and wife pledge at the time of nikah that they will try to abide by the Divine commandments read before them and will try to abide by the Quranic verses recited before them at the time of nikah so that they may adapt thei r lives according to them.The foremost advice [at the announcement of nikah]

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131 is to adopt righteousness.Therefore when one is giving the consent for one’s nikah, one is agreeing to abide by the Divine commandments that are recited at the time.If you trul y have love and fear of God, of the Beloved God Who has taken care of all your needs from your birth, in fact even prior to your birth, then you will always do what pleases Him and as a result will be a recipient of His blessings.When husband and wife form a union by virtue of a pledge and promise to care for each other it becomes their obligation that in order to further improve their bond they also care for one another’s relatives.It should be remembered that the attacks of those who seek to create s plits in relationships will never be successful if the husband and wife care for each other and each other’s sentiments and also care and respect their friends and relatives because the surroundings also influence matters.Since your foundation will be lai d up on righteousness, God Almighty saves those who abide by righteousness from the attacks of satanic inclinations.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 10 November 2006 at Baitul Futuh, London.Published Al Fazl International 1 December 2006) Lack of Tolerance Hu zoor e Anwe r (may Allah be his Helper) explained one of the reasons for marital discord to be intolerance and in this regard he addressed members of the Jama’at and said:

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132 ‘These days cases relating to conflicts between husband and wife come before me here [ Germany] and everywhere else in the world with blame lying with both men and women.Neither men have the tolerance any more that a believer should have nor women exercise tolerance.As I have drawn attention to this many times before that although mostly m en are at fault there are also instances in which the blame lies entirely with the woman or girl.Both sides are at fault which creates acrimony and homes are broken.If both sides control their emotions and have righteousness in their hearts these problem s would never arise.The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) advised such people that if they both see each other’s flaws there would also be many things they like in each other.It cannot be that they both are full of flaws.If you keep such positive attitude and adopt a sense of sacrifice, mutual love and affection will grow.Wives of the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) gave testimonies that there could be no ne other like him as regards to courtesy and kindness to w ives.Thus when the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) advised something, it was not with mere words, he also proved it with his blessed model.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 22 August 2008 at Mannheim, Germany.Published in Al Fazl Inter national 12 September 2008) On 31 October 2009 Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) announced two nikahs at Masjid

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133 Fazl, London.After reciting the official nikah sermon, Huzoor e Anwer said: ‘ Nikah is a bond in which Allah the Exalted is dee med Witness between a man and a woman and a promise is made that we will always try to honour this relationship while abiding by righteousness.However, unfortunately perhaps due to Western influence or the current education system, these days relationship s begin to fracture too soon due to a lack of tolerance.However, Allah the Exalted states and commands us to abide by righteousness in the verses of the Holy Qur’an which make up the nikah sermon.Indeed the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be o n him) would have chosen these verses for the nikah sermon through Divine indication.This is something both sides of families and the man and the woman should always keep in view and should be mindful that this relationship is a very important and sacred bond.As I have said many times before, both sides of the families should avoid starting fights, creating bitterness and brea king up over minor matters.’ (Published in the weekly Al Fazl International, 1 June 2012) Lack of Trust Due to Falsehood A big r eason for lack of trust between husband and wife is when one of the two or both are embroiled in the habit of lying.Drawing attention to this Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said:

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134 ‘Many disagreements between husband and wife stem from lack of con fidence in each other.Wives complain that husbands do not tell the truth and husbands also complain that wives do not tell the truth habitually! In most of the cases they blame each other that the other had not been honest or is routinely dishonest.This affects the children and they too start telling lies.’ Huzoor e Anwer added: ‘ It is also instructed that if you always speak the truth and try to continue to fulfil your responsibilities, in light of your efforts God Almighty will continue to reform you an d will enable you to follow virtues.God will overlook your sins and your mistakes and make your home resemblance of p aradise.’ Huzoor e Anwer also said: ‘ It is also mentioned that they should stay firm on speaking the truth because this is the only way to establish mutual confidence and this alone helps in honouring mutual relationship.Speaking the truth alone also enables t he proper upbringing of children so that they become productive members of society.’ (Address delivered to ladies on 21 August 2004 at Jalsa Salana Germany.Published in Al Fazl International 1 May 2015)

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135 On 7 October 2011 Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) announced four nikahs after Maghrib and Isha Salat at Masjid Baitul Rasheed, Hamburg, Germany.After reciting the o fficial nikah sermon and Quranic verses, Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said: ‘These verses draw attention to be towards righteousness whilst being mindful of speaking such truth that does not have even the slightest ambiguity.It is truth alone t hat creates an air of mutual confidence between the young husband and his wife and it is this confidence alone that goes on to guarantee love and peace.Newly formed relationships should be mindful of this.’ ‘May Allah make it so that these newly - formed relationships are mindful of these matters and may there never be any kind of slant, falsehood or half - truth s among them and may they always maintain an a ir of confidence amongst them.’ (Published in weekly Al Fazl International, 30 December 2011) Falsehoo d and False Testimony Allah the Exalted states that there is a test for those who claim to have faith, who claim to repent and be firm on guidance.That test is: ۙ َ ًلَ یَشۡہَدُّوۡن َ الزَُّوۡر

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136 ‘…bear not false witness…’ (25:73).Allah the Exalted states in another place: َ ِ و َ ّللَِہ ُِیَۡ بِالۡقِسۡط ِ شُّہَد َٓاء م َہ مَنُّوۡا کُّوۡنُّوۡا قَو ہ ّلََِیۡن َ ا یٰۤاَیَُّہَا ا ِ ًلَۡقۡرَب ّلَِیۡن ِ و َ ا َٰۤلٰۤ اَنۡفُّسِکُّم ۡ اَو ِ الۡوَا لَو ۡ ع ۚ َُۡی ‘O ye who believe! be strict in observing justice, being witnesses for the sake of Allah, even though it be against yourselves or against parents and kindred…’ (4:136).Observe how beautiful the teaching is that Allah the Exalted has given us.We m ake claims to the world that Islam’s teaching s are beautiful and we narrate examples and we claim that the Ahmadiyya Jama’at spreads love and fairness in the world.However, if our actions are contrary to our words then we are deceiving ourselves and are d ec eiving the world as well.It is very difficult when someone has to testify against themselves.One manages to reconcile with others and manages to repent and also do es good deeds.However, after a while if the occasion arises where one has to testify aga inst oneself, search your heart and ponder over the question that can you sta y truthful and testify against yourselves? Usually people lie to save themselves.Yet Allah the Exalted states that if you wish to have peace in your homes or wish to have peace i n your society, never rely on falsehood, even if you have to testify against yourself.Admit your mistake.Testify against your parents if you have to and testify against your friends and

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137 family if you have to.If every Ahmadi man and woman understands and follows this principle, domestic rifts would end.I have often seen in the matters that come before the Qadha Board that falsehood is relied upon in order to prolong the matter , or to receive favourable decisions.At times the woman lies to strengthen her case and the man also lies to strengthen his side.To make matters worse , to prove their own skills and superiority, lawyers an d other appointed advisors encourage fals ehood in presenting the case or they even make false cases bt addi ng something or the o ther of their own accord.Lawyers want to have the upper hand because winning a case gives them acclaim and publicity.It is as if they commit شرک shirk (associating partners with Allah) by considering falsehood to be their source of livelihood.Evil co ntinues to spread when there is no fear of God in hearts.’ (Address delivered to ladies on 25 June 2011 at Jalsa Salana Germany.Published in Al Fazl International 13 April 2012) Lack of Contentment and Trust in Allah In one of his Friday sermons Huzoor e A nwer said the following when explaining the causes of marriage break ups:

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138 ‘One cause of the conflicts is that women have little tendency to stay content.Rather than spend ing acc ording to their husbands’ wealth , they instead look at their friends and neigh bours who are better off.They spend and then demand more from their husbands.Gradually the situation worsens and women show great impatience.I n spite of being mothers to two or three children, their impatience and lack of contentment , and more than anyt hing else their lack of trust in Allah the Exalted - because the minds of such people are only filled with worldly thoughts - also leads to their belief in Allah the Exalted to diminish.With no belief in Allah the Exalted, they do not turn to Him and do n ot pray to Him.Thus, one thing leads to another.How can those who do not turn to Allah the Exalted be trusted? Such women destroy their family life and their demands to separate from the husbands start and then, as I just mentioned, one ill leads to anot her.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 15 August 2003 at Fazl Mosque, London.Published in Al Fazl International 10 October 2003) Unfair Wishes and Demands of Wives In his address delivered to ladies on 15 April 2006 at Jalsa Salana, Australia, Hazrat Khalifatu l Masih V

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139 (may Allah be his Helper) specifically advised the ladies and said: ‘The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said that a woman is guardian over her husband’s home where she must ensure that no harm comes to the home, neither mat erial harm nor spiritual harm.She must also be careful with the household expenses and make sure that money is not wasted, because money wastage can cause distress in homes.At times, women’s demands escalate.If the husband is emotionally vulnerable, he may incur loans to fulfil the demands made by his wife, and in certain situations, he falls into a deep abyss of debt which causes distress and anxiety.Even if he is steadfast by nature, he may fall ill to diabetes or blood pressure.In other cases, where a husband does not give into the demands made by his wife, it is the woman who becomes a patient of diabetes or blood pressure.But if you fulfil your responsibilities as guardians of the home in the best manner, then neither you nor your husband will bec ome ill.If a husband is impatient in his ways, then there is a general atmosphere of bickering in the house, which also causes distress.In both situations, a household which should resemble a paradise becomes a hellish household.In addition, children’s minds are affected by all this.Their education and moral training is affected.In this society, truthfulness is instilled in children, and because it is a free society, certain children are quick

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140 to tell their parents to their faces that instead of refor ming the children , they should reform themselves first.This is how a woman who has been granted the status of being a guardian over her husband’s home, his finances and his children contributes to its ruin as a result of giving in to her personal desires.Thus, every Ahmadi woman must remember that she has come into this world not to achieve her personal desires but to fulfil the commandments of the God Who created her and to worship Him.’ (Published in Al Fazl International 12 June 2015) Hazrat Khalifatu l Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) said the following when addressing ladies at another occasion: ‘Some homes break up because husbands cannot fulfil the wishes of wives as their demands are too many or if they do not break up they remain in a disturbed s tate.However, Allah the Exalted Himself becomes the Provider of those who are truly devoted to Him and He Himself meets their needs.Only that woman is wise who thinks about how she can attain domestic contentment and how she can make her home like paradi se.If she is inclined to the world, this peace can never be attained because real peace and contentment only comes by attaching oneself with Allah the Exalted.Worldly desires are of an

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141 ever - increasing nature and one desire leads to another and this creat es restlessness.‘ ‘If you reflect you will observe that certainly the contentment and peace in the lives of women who do these good works to attain the pleasure of Allah the Exalted cannot be found in the lives of worldly women.Homes of worldly women hav e restlessness but women who give precedence to faith and make sacrifices in this way have peace in their homes and their marital life is also blissful, their children practice virtues and are attached to the Jama’at.’ (Address to ladies delivered on 2 Jun e 2012 at Jalsa Salana Germany Published in Al Fazl International 26 October 2012) During his a ddress to ladies at Jalsa Salana UK 2007 Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) gave the example of Hazrat Fatima az - Zahra (may Allah be pleased with her) and s aid: ‘Once Hazrat Ali Murtaza (may Allah be pleased with him) came home and asked Hazrat Fatima (may Allah be pleased with her) to give him something to eat.She told him that it was the third day that there was not even a grain of barley in the house.Ha zrat Ali asked her, O Fatima, why did you not tell me ? I could have made some arrangement! She replied, my father (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) advised me at the time of my leaving [the parental home] that I should never embarrass you by making a demand.Lest your situation is such that I ask for

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142 something and you cannot provide it and which causes you burden, or you may have had to take a loan to meet the need; or you simply may worry that you cannot fulfil the requirement.Now, this example is a guiding light for every woman, for every woman who puts unreasonable demands on her husband.’ (Address delivered to ladies on 28 July 2007 at Jalsa Salana UK.Published in Al Fazl International 13 November 2015) During his a ddress to ladies at Jalsa Sa lana UK 2010 Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) advised ladies and said: ‘ If every woman understands her responsibilities and understands that she must act upon them not because of fear that her husband or father or brother may find out and reprimand her in any way if she does not act upon them rather, the sense of responsibility to undertake these obligations should be ever present in her heart and that sense should be strengthened as a result of the realisation of the One God Who is Knower of the un seen, Who watches over every action of ours, Whose eyes are on His creation at all times.Everyone’s actions are like an open book in front of Him.Thus, as long as this

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143 realisation remains, no woman can do any such action which would take her away from ri ghteousness.As a wife she would be perfectly sincere with her husband, and would be the guardian of her husband’s home, and rather than waste his wealth, she would spend it correctly.Many women follow righteousness and with righteousness they also adopt sense.I n spite of low income, they save up something from what their husbands give them and regularly save it and at difficult times give it to their husbands and the husbands have no idea that they had been saving.Thus, they protect the husband’s wealth in private, or if they have a need, they inform them and use the money.They watch over their children properly.This watching over is not done just because it is the husband’s children, rather because of a greater reason, that the children are a trust of the nation and a trust of the Jama’at.In addition, they befriend women of high morals.A sincere wife never makes wrong kinds of friends who may lead her to erroneous ways , to squeeze out as much money as possible from the husband, who advise them to fre ely go places without the husband; telling her that after all she too has a right to freedom; who advise her to maintain relations with whomsoever she likes on whatsoever basis.Neither can women who give such advice be those who ‘safeguard in private’ nor can they be those who befriend such women and put the advice of such women in practice.’

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144 ( Address delivered to ladies on 31 July 2010 at Jalsa Salana UK.Published in Al Fazl International 11 March 2011) During his 2012 tour of Holland Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be pleased with him) announced a nikah on 19 May.Huzoor e Anwer said the following in his nikah sermon: ‘I have seen that generally at times relationships break up and quarrels in families ensue because girls make too many demands and at times thei r families support them in doing so.The young man cannot meet the ir demands and thus a foundation of disagreements is laid.Likewise some young husbands are also unfair to their wives, they too should be careful.Just as I said at the start, the real thi ng is to try to make relations work while remembering God Almighty and while abiding by righteousness.If this is kept in view, with the grace of Allah the Exalted your relationships will be successful , newly formed relations wil l also be successful and fu ture generations will follow piety.May Allah make this new relationship blessed in every way and may it uphold the traditions of both these families.That is, give precedence to faith over worldly matters.’ (Published in weekly Al Fazl International, 29 June 2012)

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145 Referring to marital life and important responsibilities of Ahmadi Muslim women, Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) said in his address at Jalsa Salana Germany on 1 September 2007: ‘An Ahmadi woman’s responsibility in not merel y to look after her home in worldly matters, to watch over her children and to take care of their education; an Ahmadi woman’s responsibility is far greater than that.An Ahmadi woman has to look after her and her husband’s home in the manner explained by Islam.She has to take care of the worldly education and training of her children; has to instruct her children in accor dance with Islamic morals; and she also has to spiritua l l y train them.In order to impress upon her children all of these points, in or der to instil within them these lessons, she herself has to set up a pious example.By moulding her own life in accordance with the way prescribed by Allah the Exalted, she has to demonstrate models of worship of God and lofty examples of good deeds.Only then an Ahmadi woman can be called a true guardian of her husband’s house.Only then an Ahmadi mother can discharge the obligation of the upbringing of her children.Otherwise, owing to contradiction between her words and deeds her children can never be br ought up properly.’

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146 (Address delivered to ladies on 1 September 2007 at Jalsa Salana Germany Published in Al Fazl International 2 December 2016) ***

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147 Guidance of Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) ‘Nikah is a bond in which Al lah the Exalted is deemed Witness between a man and a woman and a promise is made that we will always try to honour this relationship while abiding by righteousness.However, unfortunately perhaps due to Western influence or the current education system th ese days relationships begin to fracture too soon due to a lack of tolerance.However, Allah the Exalted states and commands us to abide by righteousness in the verses of the Holy Qur’an which make up the nikah sermon.Indeed the Holy Prophet (peace and bl essings of Allah be on him) would have chosen these verses for the nikah sermon through Divine indication.This is something both sides of families and the man and the woman should always keep in view and should be mindful that this relationship is a very important and sacred bond.’ (Published in the weekly Al Fazl International, 1 June 2012)

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148 Sagacious Teaching For Peaceful Married Life Patience and Fortitude H azrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) drew the attention of men and women towards their religious obligations in his address on 4 September 2004 at Jalsa Salana Switzerland.In this regard, Huzoor e Anwer spoke about domestic issues a nd said : ‘Allah the Exalted states that another sign of believers is that they must exercise patience.Th ere are many occa sions in life, such as loss in business transaction, theft or burglary, etc.or when the husband finds himself in a financially unstable position, and is unable to provide spending money to his wife according to her needs , i n such situatio ns, certain women create uproar and cause a ruckus and start fighting with their husbands.They raise their demands to such heights that the husband is unable to meet the financial burden.I am not saying that in every such situation it is the husband who is right whereas the wife is wrong.In certain cases, women are in the right as well.However, I am talking about those women a majority of whom are demanding.Such situation s result in constant conflict, argument, quarrel and dispute in the household.Or there are situations where due to the unfair demands husbands lose their way and when bickering is going

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149 on, they can wrongly become violent towards their wives.Or, in order to meet the pressure of undue demands from their wives, some men take on debt, du e to which the entire household comes under the grip of a vicious cycle.When the creditors demand their money back, the husband tries to make excuses and hence a series of lies ensues.When the husband is unable to pay the debts, he gets easily irritated and is harsh towards the children, in turn children feel extremely disturbed.Such a vicious cycle sets into motion when unnecessary burden is placed on a man and patience is not exercised in face of difficult situations.What eventuates is that children f rom such households look for comfort outside their homes and slowly disassociate themselves from their parents.This is the root cause that gives rise t o social evils, and by the time the parents come to their senses, it is often too late.Therefore, it is stated that faith will be strengthened only when patience is practiced at all times.’ (Address delivered to ladies on 4 September 2004 at Jalsa Salana Switzerland.Published in Al Fazl International 7 January 2005) Gratefulness Addressing Lajna Ima’illah Germany at their annual Ijtema on 17 September 2011 Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) said:

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150 ‘Then there is the habit of gratefulness.Allah the Exalted says you should be grateful to Allah the Exalted and He will provide for you and will continue to increase your blessings.Thus, you should also be grateful to Him about your domestic life.Be mindful of the income of your husband and spend within its means when running your home and be grateful to God.Especially certain problems of some n ewly married women are brought to me.Regardless of what the truth is, the young man lays the blame on the young woman and vice versa.The man alleges that the woman demands too much and this is proven to be correct at times.Wives complain that the husban d does not meet their demands, does not cater for their monthly or weekly trip to the beauty parlour.It is not the objective of an Ahmadi woman or girl to visit beauty parlours.If the husband cannot afford it, how can he manage? Relationships are only su stained when you try and get by within your means.Allah the Exalted says that if you are grateful, I will give you more.When a newly married couple start their life, they do not have much.Later, Allah the Exalted blesses and gradually as life goes on an d they gain experience and the husband’s income increases and more resources are created.I say this to young women in particular that if they instil the habit of patience, resolve and gratefulness, InshaAllah their relationships will endure and they will continue to be recipients of the blessings of Allah the Exalted.And

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151 they will be included among those who are looked upon with love by Allah the Exalted and they will also be fulfilling their pledge!’ (Address delivered on 17 September 2011 at the Lajna I jtema Germany.Published in Al Fazl International 16 November 2012) At another occasion Huzoor e Anwer presented the following extract of the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) in this regard and explained it: ‘Do not demand of your husbands that which is beyond their means.Try, so that you may enter your graves innocent and chaste.Do not be lazy about God’s obligations like Salat, Zakat etc.’ Salat is also an obligation on everyone and should be observed.As I also mentioned earlier , if children see Sal at offered regularly at home, their attention will be also drawn towards offering it.Then there is Zakat.Every woman has jewellery which should be evaluated and effort should be made to pay Zakat according to the prescribed rate.The Promised Messiah (o n whom be peace) then said: ‘Be compliant to your husbands with your heart and soul.’ Be obedient to them.‘A large part of their honour is in your hand.’ That is, a large part of the honour of your husbands is in your hand.‘Thus discharge this responsibi lity of yours so well that you may be counted by God among the pious women and

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152 the obedient women.’ (Kishti Nuh, Ruhani Khaza’in, Vol.19, pp.80 - 81) ( Address delivered to ladies on 3 June 2004 at Jalsa Salana Holland.Published in Al Fazl Internation al 22 July 2005) Complete Faithfulness to Husband and Motivation to engage in Istig h far Addressing Ahmadi ladies at Jalsa Salan a Germany 2003 Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said: ‘ Some women have a tendency to create huge fuss when times get hard , for instance if the husband loses his job or there is loss in business and prosperity is diminished.They moan about the situation, quarrel and fight with the husband, tell him off, make demands of him.Such actions do not result well.If the husband is even a little bit weak , he promptly takes a loan to somehow cater for the wife’s desires.Debt is such a quagmire that one simply goes on sinking in it.When bad times are faced a wife should become the helper of her husband with complete sincerity and sh ould try and get by as best as possible.’

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153 Huzoor e Anwer added: ‘ Women who create fuss over small matters should keep this in mind and do استغفار Istighfar (seek forgiveness from Allah).Hazrat ibn e Abbas narrates that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said: ‘Fire was shown to me and I observed that majority of those entering it were women.The reason for this is tha t they perpetrate unbelief.It was asked, ‘do they disbelieve in Allah?’ The Prophet replied, ‘no.They are ungrateful.If you have been good and benevolent towards any one of them all your life and then she sees something in you which is not of her liking , she will say, ‘I have never received any good from you.’ ( (Sahih Bukhari, Kitabul Eman, Babu Kufranel Asheer wa kufren doona Kufren fihe) Facing Difficult Times with Prayers, Alms - giving, Repentance and Istighfar Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) advised ladies regarding family problems and said: ‘Some women develop complaints due to the situation with the in - laws and they show impatience.Sometimes when the pain becomes too much their reaction also intensifies to the extent that they even

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154 harbour grievances against Allah the Exalted.Rather than intensify grievances, efforts should be made to solve the problems faced while praying to Allah the Exalted.I appreciate it and it is also in my knowledge that some families perpetrate unbearable outrages.In such situations one has to resort to the administration of the Jama’at and the law.However, generally speaking one should further turn to God seeking His help with prayer, give alms and bring change in attitudes rather than harbour complaints.The Hol y Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) once said: ‘O group of women! Give alms and abundantly engage in Istighfar.’ (Sahih Muslim, Kitabul Eman, Babu Bayane nuqsanel Emane be naqse - ta’aat)’ ( Address delivered on 23 August 2003 at Jalsa Salana G ermany.Published in Al Fazl International 18 November 2005) Addressing ladies on 25 June 2011 at Jalsa Salana Germany Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) said: ‘We should improve our practices by engaging in استغفار Istighfar (seeking for giveness from Allah) and repentance before God.Drawing our attention to this subject, Allah the Exalted states: ِ مَتَاباا ﴿ ّللَہ ِِلَ ا و َ مَن ۡ تَاب َ و َ عَمِل َ صَالِحاا فَاِنََہ ٗ یَتُّوۡب ُّ ا ۷۲ ﴾

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155 ‘And those who repent and do good deeds’ indeed turn to Allah with true repentance.(25:72) Mere verbal repentance is not true repentance.Rather, repentance needs to be supported and upheld with good deeds.A woman who truly repents will always have her mistakes and slip ups in view so that she develops disgust for them.When this disgust is developed she will be drawn to alms giving and charity and she will promise not to do what is disliked by God Almighty.Owing to certain disagreements some people, some women , they try to harm others as their resentment and ranc our grows.Real repentance means not only to reconcile with whom one is estranged from but also recant whatever harm one has caused them.When this recanting is done with repentance it will be a virtuous act and a good deed.Some husbands, wives, mothers - i n - law, daughters - in - law and sisters - in - law write letters to me acknowledging that they have made mistakes and will not repeat them in future.However, these people neither apologise to those who they had harmed or had tried to harm nor do they express remo rse or contrition.In any case, both men and women need to pay attention to this matter because men are also the same.Worldly greed so overpowers them that fear of God completely vanishes.Sometimes some people apologise outwardly but as I mentioned rese ntment and rancour festers inside them and whenever they get a chance they try and inflict harm.

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156 Allah the Exalted has made true repentance conditional to good deeds, moreover repentance will be accepted only if a mistake is removed and redressed.In such an instance Allah the Exalted states that people who follow this are truly those who turn to Him.Thus we should always seek repentance that is true and sincere.Regarding this Allah the Exalted states in another place: َ ِّنَِۡ لَغَفََار ٌ لَِمَن ۡ تَاب و َ ا ی ﴿ ہ مَن َ و َ عَمِل َ صَالِحاا ثُّم ََ اہۡتَد ہ و َ ا ۸۳ ﴾ ‘But surely I am forgiving to those who repent and believe and do good deeds, and then stick to guidance.’ (20:83) Here it is enjoined to stay firm on guidance and it is further explained that carrying ou t good deeds is essential after repentance , so it is instructed here to do good works and advice is given not to have any presumptions about initiat ing reconciliation of one’s own accord.Rather, it is stated that if in your view the guided step that you have taken is a good deed t hen it should not be a one - off repentance and reconciliation.This is something which should always be adhered to and adherence to guidance grants nearness to God Almighty! Thus, the claim to have a cleansed heart is only accepta ble when a person remains firm on it and not only that but good deeds also become the identity of every woman, every man and every Ahmadi and they are also examples and role models for others.Everyone can look into their hearts; it is a fact that

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157 when one looks into one’s heart and makes a decision, the conscience makes the most appropriate decision.Of course providing one’s heart is clear and has fear of God! And one ponders and questions oneself as to whether one’s repentance was sincere and one’s good deed is to attain the pleasure of Allah the Exalted? And if this is so , then, is one resolutely firm on adopting virtues and forsaking evil purely for the sake of Allah? A person comes to a realisation whether or not t he y are firm on this after self - reflec ting for a while.’ (Address delivered to ladies on 25 June 2011 at Jalsa Salana Germany.Published in Al Fazl International 13 April 2012) Important Role of Tongues, Ears and Eyes in Married Life Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said: ‘It is seen th at the tongue, ears and eyes play a significant role in marital conflicts.Men do not make use of them properly and women do not make use of them properly.I have mentioned this before as well t hat when couples ask for advice, I often say to them that if t hey use their tongue, ears and eyes properly as regards each other, their problems would never arise.If gentle and affectionate speech is employed, problems can never arise.Similarly, it has been generally seen when cases and problems are brought

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158 up , be it men or be it women, it is the tongue that goes on prolonging conflicts.A time comes when they make their minds up or are inclined to make their minds up that they do not want to be together.Likewise, you should shut your ears to those matters relating to close familial ( رحمی rehmi ) ties that are likely to create resentment.Sometimes if a person or a party says something wrong, the other also retorts back in kind.If one shuts one’s ears for a short time in order to stop an ongoing argument, many problems can subside ther e and then and apart from the problems of habitually quarrelsome men and women, generally conflicts do not come to pass.Therefore, shut your ears and you will come in peace.I often relate an account and it is a true account that a husband and wife were quarrelling while a little girl was watching them in astonishment.A short while later, they both realised the error of their way and in order to cover their embarrassment they asked the girl did her mother and father never argue or speak harshly with each other or did not get upset? The girl replied, ‘Yes, if my father is angry my mother stays quiet and if my mother is angry my father stays quiet and the disagreement does not go any further in our home.’ This can lead to have a positive influence on childr en.Keep your eyes shut to each other’s shortcomings and keep your eyes open to each other’s good qualities.After all, each person, be it man or woman, has good qualities as well as shortcomings.I have seen that men are usually the

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159 first to start spottin g shortcomings of women.However, when women start looking for shortcomings in response, they go so far ahead that there is no turning back.Moreover, one should not even look at what is forbidden in faith and that which dishonours one’s righteousness.Dom estic problems can damage mutual trust but if purity of sight is maintained then this damage does not occur and problems go away.Do not let your heart be desirous of what is forbidden, keep it fille d with fear of Allah the Exalted.This results in problem s never arising and Satan does not steal into our hearts like a thief and cause discord in our homes.Indeed Satan is not like a person whose comings and goings are clear to us.Each bad company, each bad friend who will try to destroy your home, who will try and incite you against your husband, against your mother - in - law, against your sister - in - law, or will try to incite a husband against his wife, or one who will say something trivial that will create anxiety in one’s heart, is a Satan.Thus, it is the ob ligation of each believing man and woman to be heedful of such satans.The foundation of the union of marriage is strengthened once mutual trust is established.If trust is lost then the very same palace that was erected with the promise of love and affect ion is razed to the ground; in fact it turns to ruins.’ (Address delivered on 23 July 2011 at Jalsa Salana UK.Published in Al Fazl International 4 May 2012)

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160 Compliant Wife and Righteous Husband Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) said the following regarding making homes heaven - like: ‘The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said that the world is a provision for this life, that is, the world is a means for this life, and there is no better provision in the world than a vi rtuous woman.If there is a pious woman, then there is no provision better in the world.While this draws the attention of men to the fact that they should marry virtuous women, it is also something for women to reflect on that they should try to mould the ir lives in the way that God and His Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) want them to.How has the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) defined an excellent wife? He says that an excellent wife is one who happily serves her hu sband and desists from what he stops her from doing.If a husband does not possess righteousness, this can be very difficult to accomplish.However, to save homes and to save relationships, efforts should continue to be made as much as possible.Effort to end conflicts should be made to the best of one’s ability.The home that operates on righteousness, and which the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) has defined and has prayed mercy for, is a home where

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161 the husband wakes up to offer opti onal Prayers (nawafil نوافل ) at night and also awakens his wife.If she is in deep sleep he sprinkles water on her face.Similarly, if the wife wakes up first, she should adopt the same method to awaken her husband.Such homes, where husbands and wives awake at night to seek th e pleasure of God will certainly be heaven - like.A disagreement, where the relationship was about to break up due to the man’s abuse, was brought before me.The woman had four or five children.I counselled them and there was some reformation, but the man started the abuse again.The woman put forward an application for خلع khula once again.Eventually, with prayers and further counsel, Allah the Exalted blessed them with reconciliation.Now, when I see them leaving the mosque after Fajr Prayer, I feel great happiness that Allah the Exalted gave them sense and they reconc iled for the sake of their children.Men and women should always be mindful to not only keep their own emotions in view, but to also be mindful of their children’s sentiments – they should take care of them also.’ (Annual Ijtema Lajna Ima’illah UK 4 Octobe r 2009.Published in Al Fazl International 18 December 2009) ***

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162 Obligations of Husbands Good Conduct towards Family The subject of a Friday sermon by Hazrat Ameerul Mumineen (may Allah be his Helper) was establishing on a society based on fairness and jus tice.With regards to this he said about the rights of husband and wife: ‘In a Hadith Hazrat Zuhair (may Allah be pleased with him) relates that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him ) said that right hands of the Gracious God Who is Just will be on the pulpits of light (both the hands of Allah the Exalted will be counted as right) and these people deal with their family and whoever they are made to supervise, with justice.’ (Muslim Kitabul Emarat) Huzoor e Anwer added: ‘Men should remember that in accordance to this Hadith if they wish to be recipients of the blessings of Allah the Exalted and wish to be worthy of the spiritual light of Allah the Exalted, then they should fulfil their obligations with the requisites of fairness.They should pay the dues of tarbiyyat of children, they should take interest in their children and should make them a valuable part of society.If they do not do so they will be unjust with no sense of fairness.

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163 Some people living here in England, Germany and other c ountries of Europe are apparently considered very sincere and pious by society, among friends and also in the eyes of office - holders of the Jama’at.Yet, they have abandoned their wives and children back in Pakistan with no knowledge of how they are surviv ing or some people have abandoned their families here with no knowledge of how they are surviving.When asked , they say the wife was very quarrelsome or cite various other faults.Even if it is accepted that these people are right, fairness and justice req uire that as long as she is the wife, it is the man’s responsibility to meet all her needs.It is for the man to fulfil the needs of the children in any case.If he is chastising the wife, what are the children being punished for that they should suffer fr om pillar to post? Such men should fear God.I wish to make it clear that neither such behaviour is appropriate after one becomes an Ahmadi nor can such matters be tolerated after it is brought to the knowledge of the Nizam (administration system) of the Jama’at.In any case we have to follow the teaching that Islam has given us and which has been revived by the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) in this age and expounded to us.A Hadith narrated by Hazrat Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him) rela tes that the Holy Prophet (pace and blessings of Allah be on him) said: ‘The best among believers is that person who has the best manners among them and the best among you

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164 are those who have excellent deportment with their wives.’ ( Tirmizi , Kitabu Ridha’ – Babu ma jaa’a fi haqil mar’ate ‘ala zawjiha) The Promised Messiah (o n whom be peace) said (addressing men): ‘It is a big sin to break someo ne’s heart and the matters relating to girls are very sensitive.When parents bid farewell to the ir daughters and en trust them to others, imagine what hopes their hearts carry.These can be gauged from the commandment of: ۚ ِ و َ عَاشِرُّوۡہُّن ََ بِالۡمَعۡرُّوۡف ‘…and consort with them in kindness…’ (4:20).(Al Badr, Vol.III, p.8 – July 1904 – Ref: Tafseer The Promised Messiah, Vol.II, p.216) (Friday sermon delivered on 5 March 2004 at Baitul Futuh, London Published in Al Fa zl International 19 March 2004) Conditions of taking Multiple Wives and Rights of First Wife In response to the criticism levied on Islam that it oppresses women by allowing men to take more than one wife, Hazrat Khalfatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) said in his address to ladies on 31 July 2004 at Jalsa Salana UK:

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165 ‘Islam has allowed four marriages with certain conditions and everyone is not free to indulge in this at their whim.In this regard the first condition is to be firm on righteousness and th en self - reflect and ponder over whether the [additional] marriage is warrantable or not.Secondly, the person should consider if he can maintain fairness between the wives.If not, then the man has no right to take a second wife.If he cannot fulfil t he ri ghts and obligations of his first wife and is anxious to get married for a second time, he has no right to do so.The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) said: ‘A husband should have such regard and respect for the feelings of his first wife, that if he fe els the need of a second wife, but is afraid that it would hurt his first wife and break her heart, in such a case, if he can exercise restraint without falling into sin,’ that is, not commit a sin, ‘and without sacrificing his lawful needs, it would be pr eferable for him to forego the advantages of a second marriage for the sake of comforting his first wife.’ (Malfuzat, Vol.7, pp.64 - 65, edition published in London – Essence of Islam, Vol.III, p.321) The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) says here , do not take more wives merely out of eagerness as some men do.This is also a response to those who criticise that Islam allows polygamy.The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) says that the main point is that if one can be patient for the sake of the

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166 senti ments of the first wife, one should do so.However, if there is a need which is permissible in Shariah to take a second wife then one may go ahead.In such circumstances, usually the first wives give permission.In summary, men should make sacrifice for th e sake of the sentiments of the first wife apart from in matters of extreme necessity.S econd wives should not be taken out of eagerness.The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) said: ‘I openly set forth what I have learned from God Almighty.The reason wh y the Holy Qur’ a n permits more than one wife is that you earn the pleasure of God by holding fast to righteousness and by other means such as begetting pious offspring, looking after the near of kin and fulfilling the obligations owed to them.For the achi evement of this purpose , marriage is permitted with as many as four women at one time, but if you feel that you may not be able to maintain equality between them you should confine yourselves to one wife, as in such cases marrying more than one would be di sobedience and a cause of incurring punishment from Allah rather than the reward of Allah and you would be committing other sins due to your aversion to one sin.’ The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) also said:

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167 ‘The law of God Almighty should not be use d contrary to its purpose, nor should it be invoked to serve as a shield for self - indulgence.To do so would be a great sin.God Almighty has repeatedly admonished against yielding to carnal passions.Righteousness alone should be your motive for everythin g.’ (Malfuzat, Vol.7, pp.64 - 65, editi on published in London ) Address delivered to ladies on 31 July 2004 at Jalsa Salana UK.Published in Al Fazl International 24 April 2015) Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) said the following concern ing taking multiple wives in his Friday sermon of 15 May 2009: ‘Allah the Exalted states in this regard that it is not an open permission: َ ی فَانۡکِحُّوۡا مَا طَاب ہ م ہ ِفِ الۡیَت ًَلََ تُّقۡسِطُّوۡا و َ اِن ۡ خِفۡتُّم ۡ ا ًَََل َ ۚ فَاِن ۡ خِفۡتُّم ۡ ا و َ رُّبہع َ ث ہ و َ ثُّل ہ لَکُّم ۡ مَِن َ النَِس َٓاء ِ مَثۡن ًَََل ّۡنٰۤ ا لِک َ اَد ہ ذ ؕ ۡ اَو ۡ مَا مَلَکَت ۡ اَیۡمَانُّکُّم ا تَعۡدِلُّوۡا فَوَاحِدَۃ ﴾ ۴ تَعُّوۡلُّوۡا ؕ﴿ ‘And if you fear that you, the society, may fail to do justice in matters concerning orphans in the aftermath of war then m arry women of your choice, two, or three, or four.And if you fear you will not deal justly, then marry only one or what your right

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168 hands possess.That is the nearest way for you to avoid injustice.’ (4:4) This verse safeguards orphan girls and connotes th at if you marry orphan girls it should not be borne of any oppressive attitude.In fact you should marry them giving them their full rights and also take care of their emotional well - being and should not let the thought come to your mind that since they do not have family support you can mete out any kind of treatment towards them.If you have any qualm, any misgiving about yourself that you will not be able to be fair then marry free women.There is permission to marry two, three and four wives but this sh ould be done within the requisites of fairness.If you cannot be fair do not take more than one wife.The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) said in this regard: ‘There is no harm in your marrying orphan girls who are under your care, but if you apprehend that you may not be fair in dealing with them because they are orphans, then marry women who have parents and relations to be watchful of them, who would respect you and concerning whom you would be careful.You may marry two or three or four of them prov ided you can deal equitably with all of them.But if you feel that you may not deal justly between them then marry only one, even if you should feel the need of more than one.’ (Philosophy of the Teaching of Islam’, p.39)

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169 ‘ Even if you should feel the need of more than one’ is a very meaningful statement.The Judge and Arbiter of this age has decided that your need, under which pretext you wish to marry again is not of real significance.The main thing is societal peace and justice.These days complaints fr om some place or the other are received that in spite of having a family the husband wants to marry again on various pretexts.First of all it is stated that if you cannot be fair do not take a second wife.And fairness includes fulfilment of every kind of right.If one’s income is not enough to run a household then by taking on the liability of a second marriage, one would be usurping the rights of the first wife and children.The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) has said in one place that in the event when one has to take a second wife due to some inevitability the first wife should be cared for more than before.(Adapted from Malfuzat, Vol.III, p.430, published in Rabwah) However, what we see practised in society these days is gradual erosion of the rights of the first wife and her children which , is against the commandment of Allah the Exalted.Therefore it should be evaluated if there is any discrepancy between one’s financial ease and discharging rights of others! The Promised Messiah (on whom be p eace) said: ‘According to me it is preferable that one does not

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170 put oneself in trial.’ (Al Hakm, Vol.II, dated 2 March 1898, p.2.Tafseer Hazrat Masih Maud, Surah Al Nisa, verse 4, Vol.II.p.211).Here, the connotation of putting oneself in trial is by taking a second wife.Fulfilling rights of the wife is such a huge responsibility that by not discharging it one is embroiled in tribulation and incurs displeasure of God Almighty.I had mentioned a prayer of the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) that he used to supplicate Allah the Exalted that habitually he tried to give everyone their rights; however, he sought Allah’s forgiveness if due to a good attribute of any one of his wives he involuntarily reacted differently to them.This is exactly in line with human nature and Allah the Exalted, Who has created man and has also given him permission to take more than one wife, Who knows the state of man’s heart and is even aware of the inner most recesses of a person and has knowledge of the unseen, has explained in the Holy Qur’an that a situation can arise when in certain circumstances you will be more inclined to one of them [wives].In such a situation it is evidently essential to fully meet the obvious rights, just as Allah the Exalted s tates in Surah Al Nisa:

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171 ََلَ َُیَۡ النَِس َٓاء ِ و َ لَو ۡ حَرَصۡتُّم ۡ ف و َ لَن ۡ تَسۡتَطِیۡعُّوۡۤۡا اَن ۡ تَعۡدِلُّوۡا ب ِ ؕ و َ اِن ۡ تُّصۡلِحُّوۡا ذَرُّوۡہَا کَالۡمُّعَلََقَۃ َ تَمِیۡلُّوۡا کُّل ََ الۡمَیۡل ِ فَت ﴾ ۱۳۰ ا ﴿ ا َ کَان َ غَفُّوۡرا ا رََحِیۡم ّللَہ و َ تَتََقُّوۡا فَاِن ََ ا ‘ A nd you cannot keep perfect balance between wives, despite your best intentions, so incline not entirely to one, lest the other should be left suspended, unattended and uncared for.And if you amend and act righteously, surely Allah is Most Forgiving, Merci ful.’ (4:130) It is not possible to have perfect fairness in matters wh ich are beyond a person’s cont rol.However, it is important to b e fair in matters over which a person has control and obvious fairness, as I have mentioned earlier, includes providing f or food and drink, clothes, accommodation and also giving time.It is not correct if only expenses are met but no time is given or accommodation is arranged but household expenses are disregarded and the woman ends up at the mercy of others.It is the hus band’s responsibility to provide for all the obvious needs.A t radition relates that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said when a man has two wives and is inclined to one of them and disregards the other, on the Day of Judgement he will be raised with one side of his body cut away or

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172 separated.(Sunan Nisa’i, Kitabu ‘Ishrate - nisa’, Babu Mayle - rajul, Hadeeth number 3942) Allah the Exalted says that righteousness is in giving the obvious rights to both the wives and neither wife shoul d be disregarded in a way that in spite of her being a wife she is deprived of every right.It should not be that she is neither separated nor are her due rights fulfilled.This should not be the way of a believer.It is the obligation of a believer to avo id what Allah the Exalted has forbidden and reform himself.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 15 May 2009 at Baitul Futuh, London.Published in Al Fazl International 5 June 2009) Rights of the Wife Owed to h er by her Husband Hazrat Ameerul Momineen elucidated t he real meaning of زہد zuhd (devoutness) by giving various examples of disincli nation with worldly life in a Friday sermon.With reference to the relationship between husband and wife, Huzoor e Anwer said: ‘Hazrat Wahib narrates that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) made a bond of brotherhood between Hazrat Salman and Hazrat Abu Darda (may Allah be pleased with them both).Hazrat Salman paid a visit to Hazrat Abu Darda and found Abu Darda's wife wearing work clothes and looking unkempt and asked her why she was in that

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173 state.She replied, ‘Your brother Abu Darda does not need this world and is detached from it.’ In the meantime Abu Darda came and prepared a meal for Hazrat Salman and invited him to eat while he himself was fasting.Salman said, ‘I am not going to eat unless you eat.’ So, Abu Darda broke his fast (it must have been an optional fast).When night fell (a part of the night had passed), Abu Darda got up to offer Salat, Salman told him not to awaken yet and Abu Darda went back to sleep.Afte r sometime Abu Darda again got up, and Salman told him to go back to sleep.When it was the last hours of the night, Salman told him to get up, and both of them offered Salat.Salman said: ‘O’ Abu Darda', your Lord has a right on you, your soul has a right on you, and your family has a right on you; so you should give the rights of all those who have a right on you.’ Later, Abu Darda went to the Prophet and narrated the whole story.The Prophet said, ‘Salman has spoken the truth.’ (Bukhari, Kitabu Sawm, Bab u Man aqsama ‘ala akheehi leyuftira fi - tatawu’e) Zuhd does not signify forgetting the worldly rights of the wife and children that Allah the Exalted has given or to give up work.Worldly work should be carried out in parallel side by side but should not be the only objective.Everyone’s rights should be given.’

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174 (Friday sermon delivered on 7 May 2004 at Baitul Futuh, London Published in Al Fazl International 21 May 2004) Addressing ladies with reference to the same subject , Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) advised: ‘In order to establish all aspects of freedom of women , Islam gives women a right which is an amalgamation of many rights.Allah the Exalted states: َ ًلَ یَحِل َُّ لَکُّم ۡ اَن ۡ تَرِثُّوا النَِس َٓاء مَنُّوۡا ہ ّلََِیۡن َ ا یٰۤاَیَُّہَا ا ََ تَیۡتُّمُّوۡہُّن ہ َ ًلَ تَعۡضُّلُّوۡہُّن ََ لِتَذۡہَبُّوۡا بِبَعۡض ِ مَا ۤۡ ا ؕ و ا ا کَرۡہ ۚ ِ ٍ ۚ و َ عَاشِرُّوۡہُّن ََ بِالۡمَعۡرُّوۡف ُِیَۡ بِفَاحِشَۃ ٍ مَُّبَیَِنَۃ ًِلََۤۡ اَن ۡ یََاۡت ا ُّ ّللَہ ا و ََ یَجۡعَل َ ا ا ہۡتُّمُّوۡہُّن ََ فَعَسٰۤی اَن ۡ تَکۡرَہُّوۡا شَیۡئ ِ فَاِن ۡ کَر ﴾ ۲۰ ِۡیۡا ا ﴿ َۡیۡا ا کَث فِیۡہ ِ خ ‘O ye who believe! it is not lawful for you to inherit women against their will; nor should you detain them wrongfully that you may take away part of that wh ich you have given them, except that they be guilty of a flagrant evil; and consort with them in kindness; and if you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing wherein Allah has placed much good.’ (4:20)

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175 This is a right given to a woman in instances where for example, a husband does not treat his wife well, dislikes her, does not fulfil his responsibilities to her, but does not divorce her either because he wishes to benefit from her wealth or pushes the poor woman to a state where she reaches her de athbed whilst he schemes to benefit from her property after her death.’ ‘Sometimes men present untrue statements about women before the Qadha Board and try to damage their reputation, hoping to avoid paying due rights.In these countries it so happens that some men take their wives to court to seize half of their property although Allah the Exalted has strictly forbidden this.Sometimes relatives do not let a widow re - marry so that her husband’s property remains at their disposal.Such episodes happen even today and numerous such complaints are received.The Holy Qur’an drew attention of men 1500 years ago to avoid such sins so that the rights of women were safeguarded.Sometimes relatives force women to marry a certain person amongst their relatives, so tha t the property of her late husband stays within the family.As I have said earlier, husbands snatch the wife’s property by unfair means.In these countries even legal measures are taken in this respect and at times if the husband dies, his relatives contin ue with the process.At other

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176 times it is demanded that the gifts exchanged at the time of marriage are returned.Such demands of return of gifts is a common complaint in matrimonial grievances.The Holy Qur’an establishes women’s rights and goes on to saf eguard these rights like no other religion.Allah the Exalted states that all these instances are forbidden and are tantamount to depriving women of their rights.As I said earlier, women have the right to re - marry, with their choice, after divorce or deat h of the husband.As the marriage ceremony of nikah cannot be officiated without a wali (guardian) for the woman, in instances where impediments are created, a woman can request the Khalifa of the time to intervene.If the case is genuine then the Khalifa of the time can himself become the wali, or appoint a wali or a wakeel.Establishing the rights of women, Allah the Exalted states in the verse, ۚ ِ و َ عَاشِرُّوۡہُّن ََ بِالۡمَعۡرُّوۡف ‘… and consort with them in kindness…’ (4:20).Treat them well, do not look for excuses to be malicious and unkind to them, do not desire their property or whatever you have given them.The Holy Prophet (peace and blessi ngs of Allah be on him) said: ِٖ ل ر ًلَِہ ر ُّکُّم َۡیر خ ر کُّم ُّ َۡیر خ

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177 ‘The best of you is he who is the best to his wife’.Then he said, ‘and I am the best to my wives’.(Sunan Ibne Majah, Kitabul Nikah, Babu Husne mu’asharate - nisa’, Hadeeth number 1977) Thus, b y his own excellent and blessed model, the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) further drew the attention of men towards women’s rights.’ ‘Let it be clear that the use of the term ‘flagrant evil’ in the aforementioned verse does not give men the right to confiscate women’s property… It needs to be understood that the use of the phrase ‘flagrant evil’ is not a licence for men to get their hands on their wife’s property.Rather, it is related to living life with kindness shown to wives and h onouring their rights… Do not withhold the rights she has over you.Therefore, Allah the Exalted has admonished men who torment women or threaten with divorce over trivial slip - ups by upholding their rights in this regard as well.’ Huzoor e Anwer added: ‘Me n are also advised to overlook women’s mistakes and weaknesses.Men are also encouraged to treat them gently and with kindness.This kindness should not be limited as a reward for something that pleases them; rather, they have to be kind even if they do no t like them.This is how Islam has set the standard of women’s right at the highest level.’

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178 ‘Hazrat Abu Huraira relates that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said that when a person fulfils his needs for which he has had to travel, with consideration for his family he should return home soon.(Sahih Bukhari, Kitabul Jehad wa - sayr, Babu Sur’ah fi - sayr, Hadeeth number 3001) The family of a married man indeed are his wife and children.Today we see that in some households women are lef t all alone.When young women come to these countries after marriage, they do not have any acquaintance here.They are confined to their homes all day.Given the wintry climate of these [Western] countries, at times they also suffer from depression.Meanwh ile the men stay outside with their friends after work chatting away.The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) also established this right of women by advising men to give women their due right, give relatives their due right and give chil dren their due right.He strongly disliked the idea of [men] wasting time in idle talk, leaving the wife behind at home.’ (Address delivered on 26 July 2008 at Jalsa Salana UK.Published in Al Fazl International 15 April 2011) Attitude of Husbands and Coun sel for Them Identifying unfair attitudes of husbands , Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said in a Friday sermon:

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179 ‘Sometimes such complaints are received where a man is sitting at home reading the paper and calls his wife to get him a glass of water or juice from the fridge, although the fridge is nearby and he can get the drink himself.If the poor wife is delayed due to any work she may be busy with or some other reason, the man starts shouting at her.On the one hand is the claim of love for the H oly Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) and on the other hand, our practice is such that we do not even show the slightest courtesy.There are many other examples where when questioned, the answer is that the Qur’an allows them to chastise the wife.Let it be clear that the Qur’an gives no such permission.Therefore do not disgrace the Qur’an for your own personal interests.The testimony of Hazrat ‘Aishah Siddiqa (may Allah be pleased with her) is, ‘the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) was the gentlest of all people and the most bounteous.He lived like ordinary men at home; he never frowned and was always smiling.’ She also said, ‘in all his life the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) never raised his ha nd upon his wife and did not ever hit a servant.’ He never reproached a servant.’ (Shamai’lu Tirmizi , Babu ma jaa’a fi khulqe Rasoulellahe sallallahu alaihe wa sallam)

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180 ( Friday sermon delivered on 2 July 2004 at International Centre, Mississauga, Canada.Pu blished in Al Fazl International 16 July 2004 ) Each Individual is a Guardian/ Shepherd In one of his Friday sermons Huzoor e Anwer gave important counsel regarding every one being a guardian.As regards to men being head of the household and guardianship wi thin the home, Huzoor e Anwer said: ‘Hazrat Abdullah bin Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that he heard the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) say: ‘Every one of you is a guardian and will be held accountable for his charges: Imam is a guardian and will be answerable for his charge; a man is the guardian of his family and will be answerable for his charge; a woman is a guardian of her husband's home and will be answerable for her charge; and a servant is a guardian of his mast er's property and will be answerable for his charge.The narrator says that he thinks the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) also said that man is guardian of his father’s property and will be answerable for his charge and said that each one of you is a guardian and will be answerable for his or her charge.’

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181 (Bukhari, Kitabu Jum’ah, Babul Jum’ate fil Qura wal Mudun) This Tradition mentions various people as guardians within their surroundings.However, as I am speaking about men at the mo ment, I shall give a brief explanation in this regard.Generally speaking, these days men say that as they are responsible for matters outside the home and they are busy with their business and employment, they cannot give attention to family and the entir e responsibility of looking after children is a woman’s task.It should be remembered that as the head of the household it is the duty of the man to also keep an eye on the ambiance of his home, to fulfil the rights of his wife and also the rights of his c hildren.He should give time to the children and be with them even if only for the two days of the weekend.He should attach them to the mosque, take them to Jama’at programmes, make leisure plans with them, and be involved in their interests so that they can share their problems with him like a friend.He should find out if his wife has any problems or the children have any problems and then try and resolve them.Then he can have the status of head of household, because if the head of any place is not awar e of the problems of people in his sphere of authority, he cannot be called a successful head.Therefo re the best guardian is the one who is aware of the problems of his

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182 surroundings.It is a cause for concern that there is a gradual increase in the number of people who wish to escape their responsibilities and their sphere of supervision or they shut their eyes to it! They try and spend their life engrossed in their own world.A true believer, an Ahmadi should not be even remotely associated with this.The commandment for a true believer is that let alone worldly routine , it is wrong even if his religious routine, whereby due to his regular activities and worship of God he does not have any idea of what is going on in his surroundings, does not fulfil the r ights of his wife and children, the rights of his friends and does not fulfil the rights of society.High levels of righteousness cannot be attained in this manner, on the contrary, in order to attain these levels, the rights of Allah the Exalted should be fulfilled as well as the rights of people! Just as it is cited in a Tradition; Hazrat Abdullah bin Am r bin Aas (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) addressed him and said: ‘O 'Abdullah! Is that which I have been informed correct that you fast all day and stand in Prayer all night?’ I said, ‘yes, O Messenger of Allah.’ He said, ‘do not do that! Sometimes observe the fast and at other times do not fast; stand up for Prayer at night and also s leep at night.Because your body has a right

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183 over you, your eyes have a right over you, your wife has a right over you and those who come to visit you have a right over you.’ (Bukhari Kitabu Sawm, Babu Haqil Jisme fi - sawm) Regarding how the Holy Prophet (p eace and blessings of Allah be on him) used to fulfil the rights of the family as head of the household, Hazrat Aswad (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that he asked Hazrat ‘Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her), ‘what did the Holy Prophet (peace a nd blessings of Allah be on him) do at home?’ She replied: ‘He would keep himself busy serving his family and when it was time for Salat, he would go to the mosque.’ (Sahih Bukhari, Kitabal Aathan) Who could be busier and more engaged in worship than the H oly Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him)? Yet, observe his blessed model, he took such interest in domestic matters that he did the housework as well a nd was involved in other activities.He used to say: ‘The best among you are those who are be st to their families and I am the best among you to my family.’ ( Tirmizi Kitabul Manaqib).We should self - reflect to see if we put this beautiful and blessed model in practice?’ (Friday sermon delivered on 2 July 2004 at International Centre, Mississauga, Canada.Published in Al Fazl International 16 July 2004)

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1 84 Divorce or Khula Allah the Exalted has stated in the Holy Qur’an that separation between husband and wife is something undesirable but permissible in certain circumstances.Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) said in this regard: ‘Sometimes husband and wife do not get on after marriage , either they are not like - minded or there are other reasons.Islam gives both of them the right to separate in such instances.This right is given to me n under some conditions in the form of talaq ( divorce initiated by husband) and to women in the form of خلع khula.’ (Address delivered to ladies on 31 July 2004 at Jalsa Salana UK.Published in Al Fazl International 24 April 2015) Identifying certain moral lapses during marital separation , Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) said: ‘Divorce a nd خلع k hula rate is increasing.This is a frightening situation which is not static, in fact I have observed that each year divorce and خلع khula rate is going up.Both parties try to make their case strong by at times speaking the truth and at other t imes telling lies and they lose each other’s confidence by being disingenuous.Just as I mentioned, this is a

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185 cause for concern for me and this is because the rate of خلع khula is going up in the Jama ’ at and خلع khula is initiated by the woman.As I said t he situation in Germany is also regrettable.’ Huzoor e Anwer added: ‘Although divorce and خلع khula are permitted in Islam but the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said Allah the Exalted dislikes it intensely and it is abhorrent.(Sunan Abi Dawood, Kitabu Talaq, Babu Fi karahiyate talaq, Hadeeth number 2178) The dignity of a true believing man and a true believing woman is that if due to some constraints they have to deal with these matters they should do so with fairness and with fear o f God in their hearts and they should speak the truth and never let go of truth because the dignity of a true believer is in never telling lies.’ (Address to ladies delivered on 25 June 2011 at Jalsa Salana Germany) Ad vising the concealing of each other’s faults in instances of divorce or khula Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said: ‘Many marital conflicts come before the Jama’at in the Qadha Board (committee which resolves disputes between members of Jama’at in light of Islamic doctrine).These rela te to خلع khula or

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186 divorce and divorce is of course an undesirable act.However, if due to some reason a man and a woman cannot get by, the man has the right to divorce and the woman has the right to take خلع khula.Sometimes some matters have to be disclosed to the person attempting reconciliation.To some extent it is fair to mention general matters but sometimes the relatives of the man and the woman also join in and make personal attacks at each other which are embarrassing to listen.The relationship betw een husband and wife is such that some hidden , personal matters are revealed in it.To disclose them after a conflict or to mention them to one’s relatives merely to disgrace the other so that he or she cannot remarry! It is stated that if you indulge in s uch practices it would be counted as extreme indecency and betrayal and it is stated about one who betrays that he is not a true believer, he is not a Muslim and is also Hell - bound.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 6 February 2004 at Baitul Futuh, London.Khu tbaat e Masroor Vol.2.P.111 2005 Edition.Published by Nazarat e Isha’at Rabwah) Rights of Divorced Women In one of his Friday sermons Huzoor e Anwer spoke on the rights given to women in Islam.Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said:

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187 ‘In case of d ivorce there is a prescribed period for women after which they are free to re - marry.Elsewhere in the Qur’an it is commanded that no hurdle should be placed in their re - marriage, in fact they should be helped in this regard.T hey are capable of making thei r own decision about marriage.However, it is commanded that if after divorce a woman realises that she is expecting a child then she should let her [ex] husband know and should not hide this fact.If her marriage had not worked out for some reason it does not mean revenge should be exacted and the father of the child is not informed that she is expectant with his child.Allah says it is possible that after being informed , the man feels compassionate and wishes to reconcile.It is stated that the husband ha s the right to accept them back and they remake their family life and are reconciled.Close relatives are also commanded not to interfere and prevent reconciliation.Sometimes close relatives of the woman discourage her.Even if she is silent or agrees to reconcile, close relative s create clamour and say that once separation/divorce has taken place they will not send her back.Big egos come into play and matter of honour is raised.Many cases are also brought to me and it is astonishing that sometimes pare nts ruin marriages of their daughters ow ing to false p ride.Some young women write that while they and their husbands wish to reconcile , egos of both sets of parents create problem! Allah the Exalted says that relatives should not become an

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188 impediment in r econciliation of couples.If the husband realises his mistake then the young woman’s marriage should not be ruined in the name of false pride.Safeguarding the rights of women , Allah the Exalted says that men and women have equal rights over each other.I will read the translation of the verse that I recited: ‘And the divorced women shall wait concerning themselves for three courses; and it is not lawful for them that they conceal what Allah has created in their wombs, if they believe in Allah and the Last Day; and their husbands have the greater right to take them back during that period, provided they desire reconciliation.And they (the women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them in equity; but men have a degree of advantage above them.And Allah is Mighty and Wise.’ (2:229)’ (Friday sermon delivered on 16 November 2007 at Baitul Futuh, London.Published in Al Fazl International 7 December 2007) Huzoor e Anwer said: ‘Sometimes husband and wife do not get on after marriage , either they are not lik e - minded or there are other reasons.Islam gives both of them the right to separate in such instances.This right is given to men under some conditions in the form of divorce and to women in the form of خلع khula.Men have been enjoined that while exercis ing this right they

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189 should not be unfair to women.Such unfairness is deemed as cruelty and is liable for punishment.Explaining another Quranic verse: َ سَمِیۡع ٌ عَلِیۡم ٌ ﴿ ّللَہ َََلَق َ فَاِن ََ ا و َ اِن ۡ عَزَمُّوا الط ۲۲۸ ﴾ (2:228) the Promised Messiah (on who m be peace) says: ‘And when they make a firm decision to give divorce they should be mindful that God is All - Hearing and All - Knowing.That is, if the woman who has been divorced is innocent in God’s knowledge and prays against the man, God will listen to h er prayer.’ (Tafseer of Surah Al Baqarah, verse 228 by the Promised Messiah on whom be peace ) Her e, men are being cautioned.See how men have been warned in order to establish your rights! ’ Huzoor e Anwer added: ‘The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) went as far as saying: ‘These rights are such that if a man was to have proper understanding of them, rather than get married, he would prefer to stay a bachelor.Only that person can claim to fulfil these rights who spends his life in accordance with the mand ates of Allah the Exalted.It is far, far better to endure a bitter life than have a life of pleasure in which Divine

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190 chastisement is ever hanging over one’s head.Our teaching regarding more than one wife is only to protect man from sin and Shariah has al lowed it only as a means of remedy.’ (Malfuzat, Vol.7, pp.63 - 64, edition published in London) That is, if it is felt that Allah the Exalted may severely chastise men if they do not fulfil the rights of women as appointed by Allah the Exalted and if men w ere to have an understanding of this, then they would probably not even want to take one wife.Even taking one wife would become difficult for them lest they unknowingly did not fulfil a right of the wife and came under Divine chastisement and displeasure.’ ( Address delivered to ladies on 31 July 2004 at Jalsa Salana UK.Published in Al Fazl International 24 April 2015) Exemplary Role Model of Companion (may Allah be pleased with him) of the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) Huzoor e Anwer spoke on marita l problems in a Friday sermon and narrated the pure changes that were brought about in the companions of the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) with

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191 reference to the Promised Messiah’s (on whom be peace) pronouncements.Huzoor e Anwer said: ‘Hazrat Chaudhr y Muhammad Akbar Sahib relates about a companion, Chaudhry Nazir Mahmood Sahib who hailed from district Shahpur and was related to Hazrat Maulawi Sher Ali Sahib and was employed in [the town of] Dera Ghazi Khan.As far as this humble one remembers he used to say that before being associated to Ahmadiyya community his condition was not good and he did not care for his wife at all.Allah the Exalted granted him guidance in the blessed time of the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) and enabled him to recognis e the truth.Following this he desired to meet the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) so he went to Qadian Darul Amaan.Upon reaching there he came to know that Huzoor had gone to Gurdaspur for a court case.So, he went to Gurdaspur and had the opportunit y to meet the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) when Huzoor was all by himself and was lying on his bed.He started massaging Huzoor and requested prayers.Just then some other friend came in to meet Huzoor and said to Huzoor that his in - laws had agreed to send their daughter back to him [perhaps after his wife had left the marital home and gone back to her parents following a dispute with him] with great difficulty (that is, they had sent her back).He said he had also decided that now he would not send their daughter to her parents.(Perhaps it was a case of inter -

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192 marriages).As soon as Huzoor heard his words, Huzoor’s face went red and Huzoor angrily told him to promptly leave , in case due to him uttering impudence in Huzoor’s company, even Huzoor expe rienced Divine damnation.So he got up and left and returned after a short while and said that he repented and asked for forgiveness.After which Huzoor gave him permission to sit.Late Chaudhry Nazir Mahmood used to say that when he saw this he was deeply mortified that Huzoor was displeased at such a minor thing while his own condition was such that he did not even care for his wife and had no regard for his in - laws.What a big sin it was! He used to say that he repented as he sat there and pledged in his heart to go home and apologise to his wife and would not mistreat her in future.He used to say that on his return he bought many gifts for his wife and when he got home he presented the gifts to his wife and humbly apologised to her for the past mistreat ment.She was astonished at the change in him.When she came to know that all this was because of the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) she prayed a lot for Huzoor in that Huzoor had replaced her bitter life with a m ost pleasant life.’ (Register Ri yawat Sahaba, No.I, pp.6 – 7) Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said: ‘In fact this was the right of women that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) had

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193 established but Muslims had forgotten it and the Promised Messiah (on whom be pe ace) established it once again.Woman has been most regarded and valued in Islam.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 13 January 2006 at Baitul Futuh, London.Published in Al Fazl International 3 February 2006) Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said at anot her occasion: ‘You can observe here that just as the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) had enjoined [his followers] to be come role models, this companion promptly repented and tried to be a good model.Today, majority of you sitting here or at least a go od number of you here, are from the families of those companions who tried to become role models after taking b ai’at (pledge of allegiance) and indeed became models.You should adopt these virtues if you too have a sincere connection and claim to be from t he community of the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace).Make a pledge today that you will establish models of virtue, will forgive oversights of your wives.Young women’s families who oppress them should pledge that they will forgive oversights of young m en.This can remove societal and familial acrimonies borne of conflicts.If marital conflicts are leading to separation, try from the start to focus on prayers and avail of these virtuous surroundings to heal broken hearts.’

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194 ( Friday sermon delivered on 24 June 2005 at International Centre, Toronto, Canada Published Al Fazl International 8 July 2005) Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) advised members of the Jama’at at Jalsa Salana Spain about kindness to women with reference to Ahadith of th e Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him): ‘The Holy Prophet’s (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) advice on domestic matters can be found in Ahadith.Hazrat Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Holy Prophet (pea ce and blessings of Allah be on him) said: ‘Treat women well, for a woman is created from the rib (that is, she is bowed like the rib).The most curved part of the rib is its upper portion.If you try to straighten it, you will break it.If you leave it a s it is, you will continue to avail of its benefits.Treat women with kindness and listen to my advice in this matter.’ (Sahih Bukhari, Kitabu Nikah, Babul Wasiyyate bi - nisa’, Hadeeth 5186) Another Tradition relates that a woman is like the rib, if you try to straighten it, you will break it.However, if you try , you can avail of its benefit in spite of it being bowed.(Sahih Bukhari, Kitabu Nikah, Babul Mudarate ma’al nisa’, Hadeeth number 5184)

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195 In another Tradition Hazrat Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said: ‘ A true believer should not have hatred and rancour for his believing wife.If he does not like something about her, there will be something else that he may like.’ (Sa hih Muslim, Kitabu Ridha’, Babul Wasiyyate bil nisa’, Hadeeth number 3648) That is, if you do not like something about her, there will be other things that you like and you should always focus on the positive.Advising women he also said: ‘You are the gu ardian of your husband’s homes.Fully look after his home and obey him completely.’ (Sahih Bukhari, Kitabu Nikah, Babul Mar’atu ra’iyatun fi baite zawjeha, Hadeeth number 5200) Peace of home can only prevail if both parties treat each other in this way.In another hadith Hazrat Muawiya bin Haidah narrates that he asked the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) O Prophet of Allah! What is the right of a wife over her husband? The Prophet replied: ‘Feed her as you feed yourself, clothe her as you clothe yourself.Do not strike her on the face and disfigure her.If you have to separate yourself from her to teach her a lesson for some mistake of hers, do so within the home.That is, do not turn her out of the house.’ (Sunan Abi Dawood,

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196 Kitabul Ni kah, Babu Fi haqil mar’ate ‘ala zawjeha, Hadeeth number 2142) (Address delivered on 3 April 2010 at Jalsa Salana Spain) At the occasion of Jalsa Salana UK 2004 Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) said in the same vein: ‘Any chastisement all owed is for the sake of reformation and not to settle scores while enraged.Also, the sentiments of the wife should also be looked after and her appa rent needs should also be met.’ (Address delivered to ladies on 31 July 2004 at Jalsa Salana UK.Published in Al Fazl International 24 April 2015) Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) drew the attention of men towards their societal responsibilities in one of his addresses to ladies.Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) recited the following v erse and said: ۡ َ و َ لۡتَنۡظُّر ۡ نَفۡس ٌ مََا قَدََمَت ّللَہ مَنُّوا اتََقُّوا ا ہ ّلََِیۡن َ ا یٰۤاَیَُّہَا ا ِۡیٌٌۡۢ بِمَا تَعۡمَلُّوۡن َ ﴿ َ خَب ّللَہ اِن ََ ا ؕ َ ّللَہ ٍ ۚ و َ اتََقُّوا ا لِغَد ۱۹ ﴾ ‘O ye who believe! fear Allah; and let every soul look to what it sends forth for the morrow.And fear Allah; verily Allah is Well - Aware of what you do.’ (59:19)

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197 The progress of any nation or society is mostly dependent on the high standard of its women.This is why Islam has bestowed women a high status.They have status as a wife as well as a mother.Men have been instructed by means of: ۚ ِ و َ عَاشِرُّوۡہُّن ََ بِالۡمَعۡرُّوۡف ‘ …And consort with them in kindness…’ (4:20) and thus have been told that women have a status and men should not find excuses to gratuitously harass them.Men are told that the continuity of their progeny is through wome n.Since everyone is not aware of certain matters, men are sometimes harsh to women due to such lack of knowledge.It is therefore stated to men that it is possible that due to your lack of knowledge and not having an in - depth understanding you express dis like towards women.However, remember that God Almighty Who has knowledge of everything and is aware of everything has placed goodness for you in women.Therefore haste should never be employed in making decisions regarding women.’ ( Address to ladies deliv ered on 21 August 2004 at Jalsa Salana Germany) Sensitivity to Woman’s Emotions In the same address Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) advised men to take care of the sentiments of women.

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198 ‘ S imilarly the s tatus of women as mother s is illustrated as Par adise is under the feet of the mother.This means that it is through the good upbringing of a mother that children become recipients of Paradise.Men are enjoined to look after the feelings of women, as stated in: ُّ جَعَل َ لَکُّم ۡ مَِن ۡ اَنۡفُّسِکُّم ۡ اَزۡوَاجاا ّللَہ و َ ا ‘And Allah has made for you mates from among yourselves…’ (16:73) That is, they are spouses who also have sentiments like you.Men are thus advised not to gratuitously use harsh language with women on small, trivial matters.They are told that women are also human with sentiments like you and it is through them that your progeny carries on.If you needlessly aggrieve them it is possible that your own children will turn against you.And this does happen at times.Due to the harshness and oppression of husbands towards their wives, children turn against the fathers.This is when in spite of the wives being obedient and compliant, who safeguard the family home, are kind and courteous to the husband’s parent s; all matters which are a testimony that such wives are firm on righteousness, husbands still unfairly oppress them.This is how Allah the Exalted has taken care of the rights and sentiments of women.Thus men are enjoined to control themselves so that no t only will they be looking after the sentiments of their wives but also contributing to the well - being of their children.As I just said,

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199 sometimes children stray and do not listen to the father only because fathers do not treat their wives well.’ ( Addres s to ladies delivered on 21 August 2004 at Jalsa Salana Germany.Published in Al Fazl International 1 May 2015) At another occasion Huzoor e Anwer spoke on the same subject and said: ‘See how effectively the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) directed men to look after the rights of women.As I mentioned, it is now obligatory on Ahmadi women to fully carry out their responsibilities as a sign of gratitude to Allah the Exalted.’ (Address delivered on 26 July 2008 at Jalsa Salana UK.Published in Al Fazl Inte rnational 15 April 2011) ***

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200 Guidance of Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) ‘Our religion has made a woman the guardian of the home and has given her the responsibility of safeguarding i t.Unless and until you recognis e Allah the E xalted and understand your responsibilities, there will not be any peace in your home.’ (Address to ladies delivered on 29 July 2006 at Jalsa Salana UK.Published in Al Fazl International 26 June 2015)

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201 Important Role of an Ahmadi Woman and Her Respon sibilities Role of Women i n Society While addressing the Jama’at Ah madiyya Ghana in English, Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) specifically and briefly addressed Ahmadi ladies.Huzoor e Anwer said: ‘Women have an important role to play in society.The fundamental role of a woman starts in her home where she acts as a wife or a mother, perhaps a future mother if she is not yet married.The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) has drawn our attention to always follow the path of righteousness.If women understand this and adopt fear of God and tread on the path of righteousness, they will be able to bring about a great revolution.A woman is a guardian of her husband’s home and in his absence she is responsible for the care of the household and the corr ect upbringing of her children.’ Huzoor e Anwer said: ‘ Therefore, O Ahmadi woman! You must realise your high status in life.By saving the next generation from the ills of society and giving them high moral training, you can thus become the guarant or of the survival of your future generations and also your nation.Allah the Exalted never helps those who do not value His commandments.May Allah enable you

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202 to realise your status and may you be able to save your next generation.Ameen.’ (Address delive red at the occasion of Jalsa Salana Ghana 2004.Al - Azhaaro li - dhawaati El - Khimaar Vol.III.Part I) During his address to Jalsa Salana 2004 Nigeria, Hazrat Ameerul Momi’neen (may Allah be his Helper) also gave some instructions to Ahmadi ladies.Huzoor e A nwer said: ‘Women should remember that they hold a high status in the Islamic society.If they do not recognise this high status, then there can be no guarantee that their next generations will remain within the faith.Women must recognise the status accor ded to them in society.Otherwise, they will be remembered as those who were disobedient and those who did not fulfil their responsibilities towards their husbands and their next generation.Above all else, they will be among those who are disloyal to the One Who created them.Thus, it is imperative that every Ahmadi woman continues to pay attention to her personal reformation and supplicate continuously to Allah the Exalted to provide guidance and to enable her to raise her children according to Islamic te achings.Hazrat Abdur Rehman bin Auf (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Holy Prophet (may peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said

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203 that a woman who observes five daily Prayers, keeps fasts during Ramadan and protects herself from moral i lls and serves her husband loyally and affectionately, such a woman shall be given access to Paradise from any entrance she pleases.It is my prayer that every Ahmadi woman is one who fulfils her obligations to her husband and who carries out her duties to fulfil the rights of her children.May Allah enable her to raise her children in the best possible manner and raise them in a moral and virtuous environment and thus become recipient of eternal Paradise!’ (Address delivered at the occasion of Jalsa Salana Nigeria 2004.Al - Azhaaro li - dhawaati El - Khimaar Vol.III.Part I) Drawing attention to the responsibilities of Ahmadi Muslim women at Jalsa Salana 2006 Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said: ‘Our religion has made woman the guardian of the home and has given her the responsibility of safeguarding it.Unless and until you recognize Allah the Exalted and understand your responsibilities, there will not be any peace in your home.’ Huzoor e Anwer added: ‘Ahmadi women should not suffer from any inferiorit y complex; rather they should develop a mind - set that they are better than others.Consider

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204 your teaching as complete and perfect.Give full attention to the teaching of the Holy Qur’an and practice it.Then, InshaAllah, you will play the role of leaders o f the world.However if you keep running after this world, then as Allah the Exalted has stated , all this will end, and you will be left wringing your hands.According to His promises made to the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace), Allah the Exalted shal l grant him such people who would further advance this work.But I am hopeful that InshaAllah this honour will remain with those Ah madi women who belong to families who accepted Ahmadiyyat in the early difficult times.So, you should never let this sense o f responsibility to diminish.May Allah enable you, InshaAllah! Cherish this great blessing that Allah the Exalted has granted you so that you move onwards and upwards in practicing the commandments of Allah the Exalted, and you may leave such a generation behind who will instil the magnificence of Allah’s religion in the hearts of coming generation s! May Allah make this happen!’ (Address to ladies delivered on 29 July 2006 at Jalsa Salana UK.Published in Al Fazl International 26 June 2015)

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205 Protect Your Children from Ill - Thinking of Others and Resentment Addressing Ahmadi ladies at Germany Jalsa Salana on 27 August 2005 Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) drew their attention towards their responsibilities and said: ‘A woman is a wife as well as a mot her.On account of this she can create problems for her husband and at the same time, neglect the moral training of her children because when a household resonates with conversations that involve speaking ill of other people , which children hear, it impact s them and they are influenced by it.They are thus raised in an environment where thinking ill of others is common and they too get involved in this vice when they become adults.Mothers, who indulge in such conversations in the presence of their children carry the potential of creating conflicts or hatred towards others, or embroil ing them in thi nking ill of others or creating distance s between one another, they not only ruin the future of their children but also betray what are essentially trusts of the Jama’at.’ (Address to ladies delivered at Jalsa Salana Germany, 27 August 2005Published in Al Fazl International 25 September 2015)

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206 Woman as Wife In one of his Friday sermons Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) expounded a Hadith of the Holy Prophet ( peace and blessings of Allah be on him) regarding each person being a guardian over someone and their related responsibilities.Huzoor e Anwer said: ‘Attention of the wife is drawn to wards properly supervising and look ing after the home of her husband, his respect, his property and children.Her life - style and domestic flair should be such that no one could dare point a finger at her.Some women tend to spend money pointlessly or spend it on their fashion items or unnecessary items.This should be avoided.C hildren should be brought up in a manner where they would have a realisation of having a connection with the Jama’at and Khilafat and aware ness of their responsibility, their studies and good manners.This way the husband will never have reason to complain that his wife is not performing her duties properly in his absence (as husbands are mostly away from home for work purposes).Not only this, the Prophet of Allah the Exalted (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said tha t it is a small matter if a husb and complain s or at the very most even reprimands the wife in this life.These matters will take place here in this world but remember you will also be held accountable on the Day of Judgement.Allah knows best what the treatment

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207 will be given there.May A lla h have mercy on everyone!’ (Friday sermon delivered on 6 April 2007 at Baitul Futuh, London.Published in Al Fazl International 27 April 2007) Woman as Mother Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) spoke about the important responsibilitie s of an Ahmadi Muslim woman in the context of her family life and said: ‘As a mother a woman has a stronger bond with her children and spends more time with them.During their childhood, children are more attached to their mothers in comparison to their fa thers.Thus, if the seed of worship of Allah is sowed in the minds of children when they are young, not only by words but by your practice as well, generation after generation, your children will be staunch worshippers and as a result, strong teams of you th will continue to emerge and spread the message of Ahmadiyyat.However, it is generally observed that women are rather quick to forget their days of adversity they have lived through, when their circumstances improve to prosperity.Thi s is a woman’s natu re.Her priorities are different.But an Ahmadi woman must give precedence to the commandments of Allah the Exalted over worldly affairs.She should adorn her home with worship of Allah the Exalted at all times.Always keep in view this hadith of the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him): The

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208 condition of a household where remembrance of Allah takes place compared to a household where there is none , is similar to that of the living as opposed to the dead.Thus, beautify your homes with worsh ip and remembrance of Allah so that your houses are always filled with spiritual life.Rather than your husband being the one to direct your attention to worship of God, it should be you who awakens him for Salat and draws his attention to it.’ Huzoor e Anw er added: ‘By virtue of being her children’s guardian it is her responsibility to wake the children for Salat and draw their attention to it.Therefore, a home where the woman livens her nights with Prayers and draws the attention of her husband and childr en towards worship of God, such a household will continually be the recipient of Divine blessings.’ ( Address to ladies delivered on 15 April 2006 at Jalsa Salana, Australia.Published in Al Fazl International 12 June 2015) Addressing ladies on 17 September 2005 at Jalsa Salana Sweden Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) guided Ahmad i ladies on various subjects in his address.In context of the rights towards their husbands, Huzoor e Anwer said: ‘The Prophet of Allah the Exalted (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said that a woman is

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209 guardian of her household.Therefore mothers must make the sacrifice for the sake of their children and stay at home.When children return from school, they should find a peaceful and loving environment at home.If we loo k around ourselves, we find that the reason a large number of children go astray is because they are deprived of their parents’ love.They long for their parents’ affections which they do not receive.They need attention, the like of which is not given by their parents.The parents are occupied in the rat race of accumulating wealth, and in satisfying their own interests.’ Huzoor e Anwer added: ‘As regards to finding suitable spouses for children, it signifies that matches should not be settled where there i s lack of faith and only worldly wealth is evident.Matches should not be based on material possessions, with the intention of securing one’s daughter’s future comfort, or prosperity for one’s son’s business.You may look at these aspects as well but prima rily, the focus should be on the practice of faith in the household where a match is being considered.The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) has stated that the most important feature one must consider when looking for a spouse is faith.Some say that they did base their [matrimonial] decision after giving consideration to the family which they found to be very pious etc., but in spite of

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210 everything the situation has gone awry.Indeed, the potential groom’s religious standing should also be considered.The circumstances are the same everywhere.The world has become increasingly materialistic.Matches should not be decided unless one is personally satisfied and they should not be merely based on wealth.Many such relationships turn sour an d become a source of extreme distress.If a decision of arranging a girl’s marriage is based solely on worldly aspects, then it would be like distancing her from faith.There are many such instances where girls have not only ended up severing ties with Jam a’at but with their families as well.The in - laws do not even allow the girls to meet t he i r parents.Thus, one should not arrange marriages based on financial and worldly status alone.Such matters must always be decided after offering supplications to All ah.Similarly, any such instances where moral upbringing of children is neglected, it is as if those children have been murdered.Thus, it is crucial to sincerely reflect upon the moral upbringing of children and to guide them.Women should spend time in t heir homes.Apart from unavoidable cases, there is no need for women to go out to work when the children require parents’ supervision and care.If you must work, then wait till the children have grown up.There are some mothers who make sacrifices for thei r children despite the fact that they are professionals.Some are doctors

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211 and others are highly educated women who stay at home for the sake of their children’s moral upbringing, and when the children reach an age when they do not need their mother’s care at each step of the way, and a strong foundation in training has been given to them, then these women return to their workplace as well.In short, women should make sacrifices in this regard.Allah the Exalted has granted the distinctive status to a woman that Paradise lies under the feet of a mother because she makes these sacrifices.By nature, women are gifted with a strong sense of sacrifice.Paradise is under the feet of women who relinquish their personal desires.’ (Published in Al Fazl International 15 May 2015) In his address delivered at 2006 Jalsa Salana, Australia, Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) gave the following advise concerning status of women: ‘It is the fruits of your efforts in raising your children that will earn the c hildren paradise in this world and in the H ereafter.It is their practice and their excellent moral upbringing that will secure their relationship with God, and children will also make it a habit to pray for their parents.The prayers of your children will thus become a source of you attaining an elevated status in Paradise in the H ereafter.Therefore, if Ahmadi women understand their responsibilities towards their children, if today, you

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212 fulfil your responsibilities appropriately, if there is no contradict ion between your words and your actions, if all your actions are based on nothing but the truth, then the future generations of Ahmadiyyat will have a strong relationship with Allah the Exalted, InshaAllah.So always remember the importance of the status t hat has been bestowed upon you, and make continuous effort in attaining the best possible standard in your worship and your practice.Try to practice all the commandments of the Holy Qur’an and attain all the excellent moral values towards which Allah the Exalted has directed our attention.Not only should you aim towards doing good , you should also remind others to do the same.Shun all vices and make every effort to remove all such vices in your surroundings as well.Do not allow the spread of immoralitie s in your society.Be courteous and respectful to one another.Discard any existing grievances or complaints that you may have with one another.Generally, it h as been observed that women hold grievances in their hearts for long periods of time.If your he arts are filled with malice and spite, then God does not descend on such hearts.Such hearts cannot worship God the Exalted in the way He expects.’ ( Address to ladies delivered on 15 April 2006 at Jalsa Salana, Australia.Published in Al Fazl International 12 June 2015)

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213 Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said the following on the same subject at another occasion: ‘Women should also show affection to young children.A Hadith which enumerates good qualities of women states that they are affectionate towa rds children and obey their husbands so that their children are brought up well and go on to become productive members of society.’ (Address delivered to ladies on 23 August 2003 at Jalsa Salana Germany.Published Al Fazl International 18 November 2005) Hu zoor e Anwer also said the following during an address to ladies: ‘The huge responsibility of looking after and protecting children lies on women and each Ahmadi woman should keep this in view.’ (Address to ladies delivered on 25 June 2011 at Jalsa Salana G ermany.Published in Al Fazl International 13 April 2012) Woman as a Guardian of the Family Home Addressing Ahmadi ladies at Germany Jalsa Salana 2003 Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) drew their attention towards their responsibilities and said:

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214 ‘A woman is the guardian of her husband’s home.She looks after it and is responsible for keeping it clean, tidy and well - presented.She runs the household expenses and tries to do this within the money her husband gives her for this purpose.It is amazing h ow some ladies are very thrifty and run homes extremely well on very little money.If they receive extra money, they spend some of it with flair, like buying some fine item for the house or they use it to get something for their daughters’ dowry.It is ama zing when on their daughters’ marriages such mothers prepare fine dowries in spite of having small income.Contrary to this, there are women who appear to have holes in the palms of their hands.No matter how much money is handed to them, it ’s puzzling whe re the money goes! Their income is reasonable but their homes are sparse and their children appear like beggars.Children of such mothers suffer from inferiority complex and gradually reach a stage where they are simply beyond parental control and expressi ng regret is pointless at this juncture.Thus, the Prophet of God has warned you that if you will not be a proper guardian of your husband’s home, you will be answerable and accountable for this.Just as I said earlier, the result of this also becomes evid ent in this world.Therefore this is a cause for concern for you; every woman should pay attention to her home! Women who set high standards of guardianship of their husbands’ home,

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215 look after the children, look after the needs of the husband and listen to him , they have been declared by the Prophet of God as deserving of the same reward as that of a man who worships God and makes sacrifices in the way of God, moreover, the g lad - tiding of Paradise is given.A Hadith relates: ‘A woman who offers five daily P rayers, keeps fasts during Ramadan and protects herself from bad deeds and is obedient to her husband and listens to him has the right to enter Paradise from whichever door she wishes.’ (Majma’ul Zawa’id, Kitabul Nikah, Babu Fi Haqe - Zawje ‘ala al Mar’ah) (Address delivered to ladies on 23 August 2003 at Jalsa Salana Germany.Published Al Fazl International 18 November 2005) Addressing ladies on 31 July 2003 at Jalsa Salana UK Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) drew their attention towards their respon sibilities and said: ‘The following Hadith expounds what the Holy Prophet (peace and blessing s of Allah be on him) said as regards women who protect their homes, are loyal to their husbands and bring up the children well: An Ansar woman Asma Bint Yazid cam e to the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) and said: 'May my parents be sacrificed for you! I have come to yo u as a representative of Muslim

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216 wom en.May my life be sacrificed for you! Women of the east and the west all agree with my view that Allah the Exalted has sent you with the truth for men and women and for us to accept you and also accept the God Who sent you.We women have been confined to homes.We facilitate the fulfilment of their [men’s] wishes and look after their offspring.You men have the advantage over us of attending Friday Prayers, congregational Prayers, visiting the ailing, attending funerals and going to Hajj.Above all you also go to Jihad.When any of you goes to Hajj, Umra or Jihad, we look after your property, spi n cotton for garments and nurture your children.O’ Prophet of Allah! Are we still not equally deserving of reward along with men? The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) turned his blessed countenance towards the Companions and said: ‘Ha s any of you ever heard anyone express themselves as finely as this woman regarding an issue of faith?’ The Companions submitted: O Prophet of Allah! We never thought that a woman would have such (deep) thinking.The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of A llah be on him) turned to her and said: ‘O woman, return and inform every woman that for a woman to be a good wife, to be compliant to her husband and to carry on according to his wishes is equal to all the virtues of men.The woman returned delighted rais ing the words of

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217 ٰبَر ر َّللُّ اَک ّللُّا ًِلََ ا َ ا َِلہ ًلَ ا ‘There is none worthy of worship except Allah’ and ‘Allah is Great!’.(Tafseeru Durrel Manthour) It is stated that the reward of the wives who are cooperative, who run their homes well and are good wives is e qual to their husbands who worship and who perform Jihad for the sake of God! Observe the glad - tiding of how great rewards were given to women while staying at home by Allah the Exalted and Prophet of Allah!’ (Address delivered to ladies on 31 July 2004 at Jalsa Salana UK.Published in Al Fazl International 24 April 2015) At another occasion Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) advised ladies with reference to the Holy Qur’an and said: ‘Allah the Exalted states: ؕ ُّ ّللَہ ت ٌ لَِلۡغَیۡب ِ بِمَا حَفِظ َ ا ہ ت ٌ حہ فِظ ہ نِت ہ ت ُّ ق ہ لِح َہ فَالص ‘…So virtuous women are those who are obedient, and guard the secrets of their husbands with Allah’s protection…’ (4:35) Virtuous women safeguard matters that Allah the Exalted has enjoined even in private.Only that person can be obedient and only that wife can safeguard her husband’s secrets who has belief in Allah the Exalted and has His fear in heart.Care and upbringing of children of one’s husband is also included in what has been comm anded to

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218 safeguard in private.It should not be , that as soon as the husband goes to work the wife picks up her bag and whilst leaving children at home , she goes out to meet her friends or does not pay proper attention to the upbringing of the children.In deed, upbringing of children is a huge responsibility on a woman.She cannot be counted among salihaat صالحات (virtuous) or qanitaat قانتات (obedient) women without fulfilling it.And she cannot fulfil the dues of safeguarding the next generation either, a responsibility given to her by Allah the Exalted.The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said that a woman is the guardian of her home and will be held accountable for it.’ (Bukhari, Kitabul Istiqradhe wa ada’e duyoon, Babul ‘Abd ra’en fi mal sayyedehe, Hadeeth number 2409) (Address to ladies delivered on 25 June 2011 at Jalsa Salana Ge rmany.Published in Al Fazl International 13 April 2012) Adv ice of Ummul Momineen Hazrat Amm an Jan (may Allah be pleased with her) Addressing women at a n annual Ijtema of Lajna Ima’illah UK Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) counselled with reference to advice of Ummul Momineen Hazrat Amm an Jan.

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219 ‘I will now present some advice of Hazrat Amman Jan, Ummul - Mo’minin (mother of the believers) (may Allah be pleased with her) to you, which she gave to Hazrat Nawab Mubarakah Begum Sahiba, who was the daughter of the daughter of the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) and Hazrat Amman Jan at the time of her marriage.I will present some of the advi ce to you.She said; ‘ never do something secretly from your husband or something that you feel the need to hide from him.Your husband may not have been watching, but God always watches, and the matter eventually becomes evident and the woman loses her reg ard and respect.’ She continues: ‘if something happens against the wishes of the husband, do not ever hide it.You should admit it clearly, because respect lies in this alone.Concealing matters always leads to disrespect and disregard for a woman, and low ers her honour.’ Then she said: ‘ never speak when your husband is angry.If he is angry at a child or a servant, and you know that he is in the wrong, is in a state of anger; telling a child off or saying something to someone else, and it is clear to you t hat he is wrong, do not say anything to him even then.A woman who argues with a man while he is in a state of temper , loses her respect.Often, disagreements occur due to this kind of impatience.The man loses his temper, says something to the children or to someone else, and the woman immediately reacts in the same vein and the conflict escalates.’ She continues: if the husband

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220 responds to your intrusion with anger, you will be greatly humiliated.Later, once the husband has cooled down, you certainly may gently point out his error to him – rectification is also obligatory.’ Men and women should also remember the principle mentioned in the Hadith that relates that when angered, if you are standing up, sit down or perform wudu’ (ablution); it cools off the anger.When I receive some complaints I say to men that there is no shortage of water in this country.Turn on your shower or tap and put your head under it – your anger will cool off.Anyhow, Hazrat Amman Jan (may Allah be pleased with her) further counse ls her daughter to consider the relatives and the children of the relatives of one’s husband as one’s own – as was mentioned in the Hadith, and I have also mentioned this with reference to the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) that he said consider each other’s close familial relations as your own.Hazrat Amman Jan (may Allah be pleased with her) continues: do not think ill of anyone even if they do something bad to you, wish everyone well from the heart.If someone does something wrong to you, let them, but you should not let ill - thinking of others enter your heart – do not even retaliate with your actions.Observe then how God will always bless you.She would always counsel young people and say, as you are going to a new home, do not say anything

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221 there t hat may create any dislike or doubt in the hearts of your in - laws and may become a means of disgracing you and your parents.Thus, one should never interfere in the matters of the in - laws – let their matters be – neither should one speak to the husband abo ut the sister s - in - law or mother - in - law in a remonstrative way.As I mentioned earlier , Hazrat Nawab Mubarakah Begum Sahiba, who was the eldest daughter of the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace), she has also related the advice of Hazrat Khalifatul Masih I (may Allah be pleased with him), who would counsel her and other young girls with this advice as well.And I believe that this advice and putting it in practice is more important today than it ever was.Twelve and thirteen year old girls, who are entering into their youth, should certainly say this prayer.Hazrat Khalifatul Masih I (may Allah be pleased with him) often said to her [Hazrat Nawab Mubarakah Begum Sahiba] , ‘look, there is no shame in front of Allah the Exalted.Indeed, you are young, but you s hould keep on praying to God that He gives you a pious and blessed matrimonial match.’ (Annual Ijtema Lajna Ima’illah UK 4 October 2009.Published in Al Fazl International 18 December 2009)

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222 Daughters are a Source of Protection from Hell Fire In context of the family that problems wrongly arise when baby daughters are born, Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) advised in a Friday sermon: ‘The first Hadith that I will present today is not about enemies, in fact it is regarding patience in mar ried life and how a husband and wife should spend their married life.Many women write in and also, if they have the chance they complain during mulaqat (audience with Huzoor e Anwer) that they only have daughters, for example , and have no son due to which the husband and the in - laws constantly taunt them and make family life oppressive.Or the daughters write in themselves that their fathers do not treat them well because they are girls and their life is a constant torture.There is a Hadith of the Holy Pro phet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) in this regard that I wish to tell people because there are many who have religious knowledge, they also serve the Jama’at, yet their conduct at home is not good.I think after listening to this Hadith anyone w ith even the slightest of belief will not taunt his daughters or his wife for having daughters.Hazrat ‘Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her) relates that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said: ‘ Whoever is put through a trial

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223 by o nly having daughters, and he is patient with them, they will be a barrier from the Fire for him.’ (Sunanu Tirmizi , Kitabul Birre wa sillah, Babu ma ja’a fi - nafaqati ‘alal banat wal akhawat) There is no individual in the world who does not commit small mis takes and sins and there is no individual who does not wish to come in the refuge of Allah the Exalted.Certainly, everyone wishes for His refuge.It is glad - tidings for those who have daughters that a believer will come in the refuge of Allah the Exalted because of his daughters.It is the sign of a believer to find solutions to relevant problems that may arise, to bear up when faced with several issues because of daughters and never to let the daughters know about it in any way and to not castigate mother s because they had daughters.And it is because of this that Allah the Exalted states that all these matters b ecome a barrier from the Fire.’ ( Friday sermon delivered on 19 November 2010 at Baitul Futuh, London) Roles of Fr iends of Both Parties Friends of both parties also play a big role in disagreements between husband and wife and marriage problems.Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said in one of his Friday sermons:

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224 ‘Some problems also arise due to the friends of a husband and wife.These friends have questionable characters which imperceptibly harm the relationship of the husband and wife.This is the way Satan tries to mould households to his ways imperceptibly.’ ( Friday sermon delivered on 12 December 2003 at Baitul Futuh, London Published Al F azl International 6 February 2004) Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) related a Tradition concerning the same subject and said: ‘In ano ther Tradition Sulaiman bin Amr bin Ahwas said that his father Amr bin Ahwas (may Allah be pleased with him) narrate d that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said during the Far e well Hajj: Listen! You have a right over your wife, similarly, your wife has a right over you.Your right over your wives is that they are not to allow anyone whom you dis like on your bedding (furniture) and not allow anyone whom you dislike inside your houses.And their right over you is that you should treat them kindly with regard to their clothing and food.' ( Tirmizi , Kitabu Ridha’ – Babu ma jaa’a fi haqil mar’ate ‘ala zawjiha) This Tradition signifies that if a home is to be run on fairness and justice then both husband and wife will have to look out for each other and protect each other’s rights.Women only have those women come to their houses who are their friends b ut should see

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225 that they are not those whom their husbands do not like to visit the house and they should not keep appropriate or inappropriate f riendships with them.If the husband does not like those individuals to visit the home, they should not visit.W omen should not mind these matters for the sake of happiness and accord of their husbands and should accept what the husbands say.The second thing mentioned in this Hadith is that it is the obligation of the husbands to fulfil the rights of the family and take care of household expenses and their clothing etc.’ (Friday sermon delivered on 5 March 2004 at Baitul Futuh, London.Published in Al Fazl International 19 March 2004) ***

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226 A dvice to Office - Holders Advice and Admonition to Office - Holders Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) gave most important counsel to office - holders with reference to fulfilling the requisites of fairness and justice in one of his Friday sermons.He said: ‘ Office - holders wrongly try and side with men.I say to t he office - holders to change their attitudes.If Allah has given them the opportunity to serve, they should derive benefit from it, lest I also have to take disciplinary action against office - holders who are devoid of righteousness! ’ ( Friday sermon delivere d on 24 June 2005 at International Centre, Toronto, Canada Published Al Fazl International 8 July 2005) Huzoor e Anwer continued with the subject in his next Friday sermon and said: ‘ Just as I earlier spoke to the office - holders that they should make decisi ons fulfilling the requisites of fairness, I will also say to the parties concerned that you too should give the benefit of doubt and if decisions are given against you, leave the matter with Allah.And just as the Hadith relates let the other party fill their belly with a ball of fire.Rather than prolong disagreements and speak against the Nizam

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227 e Jama’at everywhere, practice this teaching of the Promise d Messiah (on whom be peace): ‘A dopt such humility that despite being truthful consider yourself as t he liar.’ May Allah the Exalted inculcate such tolerance in everyone and may everyone fulfil each other’s rights! Here I wish to make one thing clear for the office - holders, especially the Ameers (administrative heads).Just as I mentioned in my Jalsa spee ch, marital conflicts are on the increase in Western countries.These conflicts take such shape that in spite of having knowledge and sympathy, the Nizam e Jama’at cannot do anything due to certain restrictions.In certain situations the law of the land gi ves certain legal rights to one party in spite of the party being in the wrong.Men who are cruel to their wives and throw them out of the home do not even consider the intensity of the weather outside.There are such cruel fathers who do not realise that the mother has a few months old baby in her arms in the intense weather.Nizam e Jama’at should help these women against such people.If this means registering a case with the police, it should be done.The idea should not be that it will be sorted within the Jama’at without seeking outside help.If decision can be reached at a later stage within the Jama’at, it should be done, a case can be withdrawn.But an initial report [to the authorities] should definitely be made.Women whose families are not in thes e countries , they have no support here and become homeless and

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228 end up living in strangers’ homes.The Jama’at should look after them, arrange for their accommodation and legal help.(It becomes evident, it’s a different matter if it is done discreetly).I should be sent a recommendation for disciplinary action against such cruel husbands.Ameers of USA and Canada and some other Western countries should get information from Lajna and promptly make the lists and ensure the women are given their rights.Women whose rights are not being met and Nizam e Jama’at is also not taking any action regarding them should directly write to me.May Allah the Exalted enable us to fulfil our obligations in a good manner and enable us to become an active part of the Jama’at wh ile staying firm on righteousness!’ (Friday sermon delivered on 1 July 2005 at International Centre, Toronto, Canada.Published in Al Fazl International 15 July 2005) Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) explained the same subject in another Friday serm on as follows: ‘Complaints about some office - holders are received that their treatment towards their wives and children is not good.I have mentioned this before; sometimes news of such cruelties can be so copious that it becomes distressing because the Pr omised Messiah (on whom be peace) came to bring about a

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229 unique revolutionary change.And some individuals who are not only associated with him but also serve the Jama’at, and some among them are at the forefront of serving, perpetrate such cruelty with the ir family! Allah have mercy and make them understand.When such people exceed limits and the Khalifa of the time is informed they are relieved of their services.They then raise clamour that they are deprived of serving [the Jama’at].They should think thi s through before as to how much they have to practice Quranic commandments in their capacity as office - holders and how much effort they have to make to spread peace and security!’ (Friday sermon delivered on 1 June 2007.Published in Al Fazl International 22 June 2007) During his 2011 tour of Canada, Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) had a meeting with Rishta Nata (department facilitating matrimonial matches) Team on 11 July and gave them extremely detailed instructions and said: ‘Some young men here in Canada, USA and western countries get involved in inappropriate practices which lead to some failings in them.At times, t arbiyyat and counselling corrects them at other times it does not.Similarly, sometimes girls have some failings.Anyhow when match es are being arranged these matters should come to the fore and both parties should employ righteousness in

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230 disclosing them so that future disputes can be avoided.’ Huzoor e Anwer added: ‘S ome families taunt girls after marriage that they did not bring any dowry, or taunt if there are no children, or they taunt if someone has only daughters.Thus, the husband’s family taunts the wife and this leads to separation.Some grandmothers come from rural environments in Pakistan and are predisposed to rustic mind - se t.Many relationships suffer because of their ignorant mind - set.’ (Published in Al Fazl International 28 September 2012) Responsibilities of Lajna Ima’illah During his 2011 tour of Germany, Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) held a meeting on 17 June with Lajna Ima’illah National Majlis e Amila on 17 June in which Huzoor e Anwer gave a lot of important instructions.Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said , ‘ you sent me a survey which showed that girls are seeking خلع khula more and more these days.’ Huzoor e Anwer remarked , ‘ why have girls become so restless about divorce? Has this ever been analysed? ’ Sadr Sahiba said that it has been analysed.Families of girls coming from Pakistan do not seek reports from here

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231 or girls from here think that even if they separate they would have no problem in terms of finances.Huzoor e Anwer said: You people should take care of them and make them understand that they are Ahmadi Muslims and should not ruin their family life at least for the sake of worldly greed.Huzo or e Anwer expressed concern at the growing rate of خلع khula and advised Lajna office - holders to pay specific attention to this matter.Solution to Problems: Istighfar During his 2012 tour of USA Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) held a s ession with female students at Masjid Baitul Rahman, Washington on 26 June during which with the permission of Huzoore Anwer girls asked various questions.In answer to one question Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said that anxieties and apprehensi ons in society, at home, with one’s in - laws and in one’s environment can be removed by engaging in استغفار Istighfar and by reading: م ر عَظِی ر َٰۤلَِِ ال ع ر ّللِ ال ًِلََ بِا ۃ َ ا ََ َ ًلَ قُّو ل َ و ر حَو ًلَ ‘ There is no power to avoid sin or to do good except through Allah , the High, the Great.’ (Published in weekly Al Fazl International, 17 August 2012)

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232 A Compr ehensive Message On 23 July 2011 at the occasion of Jalsa Salana UK the Quranic verses Hazrat Khalifatul Masih V (may Allah be his Helper) asked to be recited before his address are the four Quranic verses that make up the Nikah Sermon and which have been included at the start of this book along with translation.This address of Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) is replete with advice which Ahmadi Muslim ladies should always keep in view.After reciting Tashahhud, T ‘ awwudh , and Surah Fatihah , Huzoor e Anwer (may Allah be his Helper) said: ‘ The verses that were just recited before you at the beginning of the session are verses from three different Surahs , which are read at the time of n ikah.Generally speaking, the n ikah is mostly attended by men, so the y know about these verses.That is, at least they know these verses are recited at n ikah ; I am not saying they also know about acting upon them.However, ladies do not attend the n ikah often ; hence I selected the se verses to briefly speak on the subject to the ladies.These verses point out most significant matters to men and woman regarding fulfilling the important bond of n ikah and marriage.The first significant matter to which attention is drawn is t aqwa ( righteousness).As you have been informed, the f irst

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233 verse among these verses is from Surah Al - Nisa.The second and third are verses from Surah Al - Ahzab and the fourth is a verse from Surah Al - Hashr.As mentioned before, the first thing to which attention is drawn is t aqwa (righteousness).The word t aqw a is used twice in the first verse, the second verse also mentions t aqwa, and the fourth and final verse mentions t aqwa twice.In short, t aqwa (righteousness) is mentioned five times in the verses recited at the time of n ikah , and each time t aqwa is mentio ned, it is stated: adopt the t aqwa of Allah and adopt the t aqwa of your Lord.After this, a new instruction is given to adopt t aqwa (righteousness) so that your practices are such, because you have to adopt taqwa in order to undertake these practices and because these are the practices which are essential for you to fulfil this bond.I mentioned regarding righteousness yesterday , that the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) wishes to see a very high standard of righteousness in us.Allah the Exalted told him that if man inculcates the root of righteousness , it is through this alone that he will acquire everything.The status and dignity of th e material w orld, this world and worldly knowledge are all insignificant.If a true be lieving man and a true believing woman considers that he or she must give precedence to faith over worldly matters, and wishes that the pledge he or she repeats should

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234 become the voice of his or her heart and he or she wishes to practice it, then the root for achieving all this is righteousness.Without it, neither can pledges be fulfilled nor can a true believing man and a true believing woman affirm the condition of their faith.If it is established, then one will attain the faith and also this world.Whe n a man or a woman claims to have faith and claims to be a true believer , then certainly it is his or her wish and biggest of all wishes, and indeed it should be so, that he or she finds God so that his or her world and faith are both adorned.Thus, it is extremely important to practice righteousness if God is to be attained and His pleasure is sought.R ighteousness is to forsake the smallest of ills with disgust and to adopt the smallest of virtues with deepest sincerity of heart.One is not to define vic es and virtues oneself; rather, it is also righteousness to look for the definitions in the commandments of Allah the Exalted, to look for them in the Sayings and Sunnah (practice) of the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him).One should re ad the pronouncements of the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) who was sent as the Imam of the Age to clarify the true teachings of Islam to people.Read them and also note them and try and put them in practice, and see which matters are forbidden becaus e they are vices, and see whi ch matters have been enjoined upon us because they are virtues and merits.

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235 These are not the only verses enjoining righteousness ; rather, the Holy Qur’an enjoins this in numerous places.The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) said: ‘In the Holy Qur’an more emphasis has been laid on commandments to adopt virtue and righteousness than on any other commandment.The reason for this is that righteousness bestows the strength to resist all vice and urges progress towards all good.Ri ghteousness is in all circumstances is a means of protection that guarantees security and is a citadel for safeguarding against all harm.A righteous person can avoid many vain and harmful contentions that often lead other people to ruin.They sow the seed of dissension among the people through their hasty actions and suspicions and lay themselves open to objection.’ ( Ayyam - us - Sulh, Ruhani Khaza’in , Vol.14, p.342) The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) further says that man’s entire spiritual beauty is i n treading the fine path ways of righteousness.‘ The spiritual beauty of man is to walk along all the fine ways of righteousness.They are the attractive features of spiritual beauty.It is obvious that to be mindful of the trusts of God Almighty, and to fu lfil all the covenants of faith, and to employ all faculties and limbs both overt, like eyes and ears and hands and feet and others like them, and those that are

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236 covert, like the mind and other faculties and qualities, on their proper occasions and to rest rain them from coming into action on improper occasions, and to be warned against the subtle attacks of vice and to be mindful of the rights of one’s fellow beings, is the way of perfecting one’s spiritual beauty.God Almighty has in the Holy Qur’an design ated righteousness as a raiment.Libas - ut - taqwa is an expression of the Holy Qur’an.This is an indication that spiritual beauty and spiritual ornament are achieved through righteousness.Righteousness means that one must be mindful even of the smallest de tails of the Divine trusts and covenants and also of all the trusts and covenants of one’s fellow beings, as far as it may be possible.That is, one must try to fulfil, to the best of one’s ability, all the requirements in their minutest details.’ ( Barahin - e - Ahmadiyya , Part V, Ruhani Khaza’in , Vol.21, pp.209 - 210 – Essence of Islam , Vol.II, pp.347 – 348) Thus, this is the standard which when acquired, saves society from many problems.This is the standard which, if generated in us, turns our world ly purs uits into pursuits of our faith.Whatever wish we have, it will be for the pleasure of Allah the Exalted.One who seeks the pleasure of Allah the Exalted has no such desire that can only be attained through a complete devotion to worldly pursuits

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237 Men and w ome n are the basic unit of society.Although they are different genders, they have a connection and after joining in the relationship as husband and wife, they become a unit.This is the relationship and the bond from which the next generation ensues.If t his unit and couple does not have righteousness , then there is also no guarantee for the righteousness of the next generation.There is also no guarantee for the high morals and righteousness of society, because a society is formed by the numerical growth of humanity.Therefore, when a believer is in search of righteousness, it is not just for himself, rather it is also for his offspring and for his society.When this fundamental unit espouses such righteousness , it will be a guarantor for the righteousness of the next generation and there will also be a guarantee of righteousness of society – and high morals will be witnessed.As the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) has said: Righteousness is a means of protection, ( a n amulet) for security.Indeed, every one no matter which religion one belongs to, or even one who does not believe in religion, desires to remain in the sphere of security.W hether or not one gives security to the other, one wishes security for him or herself.A villain, a thief, a robber wou ld doubtlessly harm others but would want himself to be safe from all kinds of losses.Thus, if every person wishes to have security, does not want to receive any harm, wants his night and day to pass safely and soundly, wants

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238 to remain safe from every ene my and remain protected from every trouble and does not want to face difficulties - if a true believer wishes all this, the way for him to achieve th is is to adopt righteousness.The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) has clarified this point for us that if you want security, you should adopt righteousness.Ri ghteousness alone is a means of protection which is a guarantor of your security.With righteousness o ne comes in the refuge of Allah the Exalted.The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) says in anoth er place: ‘If you become God’s, know for certain that God is yours.You will be asleep and God will stay awake for you.’ ( Kashti - e - Nuh , Ruhani Khaza’in , Vol.19, p.22) Thus, one for whom God will stay awake and give protection from all evil comes into a t remendous sphere of security which no power on earth can break.However, as Al lah the Exalted has stated it the Qur’an and the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) has also explained, that such security is conditional to righteousness.It is necessary to av oid every vice while being mindful of adopting the fear of Allah the Exalted, as it is essential to adopt every virtue.When fear of God is instilled in the real sense, man avoids vices.This is why the Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) said that righteo usness gives

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239 strength to avoid every single vice and when this strength is attained, man obtains that priceless means of protection which is a guarantee of security.Man comes into a strong citadel around which Allah the Exalted has arranged guards which n o satanic ploy can penetrate.Satanic thoughts and feelings develop only when man forgets Allah the Exalted and does not f ear Him.Thus, by adopting the fear of God, man cannot ever make a move which displeases Allah the Exalted and destroys the peace of t he worl d, which destroys the peace of society and destroys the peace and security of one’s family.The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) says that by coming in this citadel one is sheltered from many evils, is safeguarded and is protected from useless an d dangerous altercations.Thus, in today’s society we need to avoid idle and meaningless matters and create peace and tranquillity in our lives.Allah the Exalted has taught us different ways to avoid and help others avoid various evils and dangerous alter cations.Unfortunately, people do not pay attention to these ways and ruin their life.They thus deprive themselves of the elegance that Allah the Exalted has facilitated for a true believing man and a true believing woman , which should be the badge of hon our of a true believing man and a true believing woman , and would greatly enhance his or her [spiritual] beauty.

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240 Clothes and apparent beauty are insignificant.Real beauty is what Allah the Exalted grants.Women take a lot of care of their beauty and adorn ment, but there are many who remain unaware of their real beauty.Beauty does not come from applying make - up , dressing up and wearing jewellery.Real beauty is what Allah the Exalted has taught.Women remain unaware of that beauty which enhances their real beauty manifold.This does not come from gaining freedom, does not come from losing oneself in the futilities of the society, if does not come from giving up the h ijab , does not come from uncovering one’s head and does not come from making materialistic d emands upon husbands.There is also beauty for men which does not come from marrying fashionable women, rather it comes from adopting righteousness of Allah the Exalted.Being i nfluenced by the Western ways, some of our women too consider that perhaps this is what beauty is.It should always be remembered that this beauty comes from wearing the raiment of righteousness and raiment of righteousness can be availed by those who, whether men or women, try with all their capacities and capabilities to fulfil the ir covenants of faith and trusts.The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) says (I am explaining the extract I just presented) that we should use all our physical faculties to fulfil these trusts.It is the duty of every man and woman that they should use t heir eyes, ears, tongue and every

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241 other faculty by making them subservient to the pleasure of Allah the Exalted.It is seen that the tongue, ears and eyes play a significant role in marital conflicts.Men do not employ them properly and women do not empl oy them properly.I have mentioned this before that when couples ask for advice, I often say to them that if they use their tongue, ears and eyes properly for each other, their problems would never arise.If gentle and affectionate speech is employed, prob lems can never arise.Similarly, it has been generally seen, when cases and problems are brought up, be it men or be it women, it is the tongue that goes on prolonging the conflicts.A time comes when they make their minds up or are inclined to make their minds up that they do not want to be together.Likewise, shut your ears to things about close familial ( رحمی rehmi ) ties on both sides and other such matters by paying ear to wh ich there is a likelihood of some kind of resentment.Sometimes if a person or a party says something wrong, the other also retorts back in kind.If one shuts one’s ears for a short time in order to stop conflict, many problems can subside there and then and apart from the problems of habitually quarrelsome men and women, generally c onflicts do not come to pass.Therefore, shut your ears and you will come in peace.I relate an account and it is a true account that a husband and wife were quarrelling while a little girl was watching them in astonishment.A short while later, they both realised

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242 the error of their way and in order to cover their embarrassment they asked the girl , ‘do your mother and father never argue or spea k harshly with each other or do not get upset? ’ The girl replied, ‘ Yes, if my father is angry my mother stays quiet and if my mother is angry my father stays quiet and the disagreement does not go any further in our home.’ Such is the good influence it can have on children.Keep your eyes shut to each other’s shortcomings and keep your eyes open to each other’s good qu alities.After all, each person, be it a man or a woman, has good qualities as well as shortcomings.I have seen that men are usually the first to start spotting the shortcomings of women.When women start looking for shortcomings in response, they go so f ar ahead that there is no turning back.Moreover, one should not even look at what is forbidden and which dishonours one’s righteousness.Domestic problems can damage mutual trust but if purity of sight is maintained then this damage does not occur and pro blems go away.Then, do not let your heart be desirous of what is forbidden, keep it filled with fear of Allah the Exalted.This results in problems never arising and Satan does not ever enter one’s heart stealthily to create discord in families.Satan do es not only signify a person whose way of entry may be evident and is detected.Each bad company, each bad friend who will try to destroy your home, who will try and incite you against your husband, against the mother - in - law, against the sister - in - law,

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243 or will try to incite a husband against his wife, or one who will say something trivial that will create anxiety in one’s heart, is a Satan.Thus, it is the obligation of each believing man and each believing woman to be heedful of such Satans.The foundation of the union of marriage is strengthened once mutual trust is established.If trust is lost then the very same palace that was erected with the promise of love and affection is razed to the ground; in fact it turns to ruins.Therefore, while a true believ er tries his best to fulfil his pledge made with his God, he also tries his best to fulfil the pledge made with humankind.As I said yesterday as well, without discharging dues of humankind the standards of discharging the dues of Allah cannot be attained.Cracks begin to appear in this regard too and once a crack appears in a utensil it gradually increases in size.Thus, fulfilling dues of humankind is also very important and in this instance the dues of husband and wife on each other are very significant.Their significance is for the betterment of society and the next generation.Therefore, it is a huge responsibility of a true believer to fulfil them.The reason Allah the Exalted has drawn attention to the rights of husband and wife and the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) selected these verses for the time of nikah is so that husband and wife discharge each other’s rights while staying

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244 firm on righteousness.Then alone would they be able to fulfil the trusts of Allah the Exalted and the pled ges of faith as well as the trust and pledges of society in a proper manner.Thus, every believing man and believing woman, every Ahmadi man and woman should remember that their covenants will only be fulfilled when they try and fulfil the basic ri ght of every relationship.While Allah the Exalted has created holy matrimony to facilitate each other’s comfort, it is also a means of procreation of human kind.From it ensue that generation which, if brought up well through t arbiyyat, then becomes the gu arantor of peace of society.Physical gratification and continuation of race alone are not the only objectives, for this is found in even animals.Allah the Exalted has created humans as the most eminent of all creation and this entails some requisites.Fo r human kind there is also mental gratification in this.This is why the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) has said that compatibility should be kept in mind in matrimonial matches.Compatibility involves many things, like family and edu cation, but this is also used as an excuse not to go ahead with a match or even break marriages.If one adopts righteousness , such excuses are not made, on the contrary, right decisions are made.Relationships provide mental gratification as well as spirit ual gratification.Empathy between husband and wife considerably promotes mental, spiritual and educational t arbiyyat

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245 of the next generation.A man and woman who lay the foundation of a family, in fact lay the foundation of a society; they lay the foundati on of either making a nation good or bad.Therefore, there is great need to reflect on this.By citing the word righteousness five times at the time of n ikah, Allah the Exalted has drawn our attention that our each action, each word, each practice should n ot be just for ourselves.On the contrary, while based on righteousness and fear of Allah the Exalted, it should also fulfil the dues of Allah as well as those of one another.When this is achieved, progeny that prays for parents is born.As is stated in t he Holy Qur’an, owing to the pious upbringing by parents, the offspring thus pray for their parents: ﴾ ۲۵ ؕ ِۡیۡا ا ﴿ رََب َِ ارۡحَمۡہُّمَا کَمَا رَبََیہ ن ِۡ صَغ ‘My Lord, have mercy on them even as they nourished me in my childhood.’ (17:25) This [prayer] does n ot only signify physical nurturing by parents, rather, it entails their care towards education and training, care towards spiritual betterment, care towards moral training and care towards worldly education so that one may become a useful part of society.However, such people are not born in homes where conflicts take place, where only egotistical matters are raised by

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246 mothers and fathers.Apart from in some families, when Allah wills that in reaction to the way their parents are, children grow up to be dif ferent.They develop disgust for their parent, mother or father, whoever commits unfairness.They leave home and focus on their own t arbiyyat, although there are very few of this kind.It is therefore very important that in order to save our progeny we do not make our own selves the sole focal point of our attention.Rather, it is essential to instil the habit to sacrifice one’s thoughts and one’s emotions; then alone can a beautiful society be created.Only a believing child, that is, a person who has an i nsight into what righteousness is, can be drawn to make this prayer.He realises righteousness is that in gratefulness of the favours of his parents, he seeks God’s help for them and prays for their betterment.Allah the Exalted has spread men and women in multitudes and has also spread them through disbelievers.Allah the Exalted has stated that O’ men and women, you have been spread in multitudes, adopt the t aqwa of Allah.That is, if those special people who are inclined to religion seek God’s pleasure, if they want religion, then they should search for that righteousness which takes one to God.They should search for that humility and fear which will stop them from vices for the sake of Allah the Exalted and will enable them to do good.In fact, we obser ve in the world that in terms of population the number of disbelievers is greater in comparison

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247 to believers.However, here attention is drawn to the realisation that real preponderance is of those who practice righteousness because theirs will be a good u ltimate ending and it is through them alone that peace and harmony of the world is established.Therefore, do not be impressed by materialistic people, rather follow righteousness so that you become recipients of the blessings of Allah the Exalted.Your of fspring also will pray for you and will be a source of elevating your station.At times one issue is raised a lot in our marital problems that come to the fore, by both men and women, and that is that one of them disparages the other’s parents or siblings.Men accuse women and women accuse men of belittling their parents, saying such and such about them and being abusive about them.This is remote from righteousness and this creates discord in families.It is not a matter of only making accusations, at time s these turn out to be the truth where children are provoked against grandparents and improper words are used for each other’s close relatives and efforts are made to turn children against them.Allah the Exalted states this is far removed from righteousne ss and this is not righteousness and here you are distancing yourselves from righteousness.Therefore, be careful of your رحمی rehmi (familial) relations as well.These verses also draw attention to this , t he very first verse enjoins to take care of one’s r ehmi relations.

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248 Rather than only be considerate themselves, parents should also teach their children the sanctity and respect of r ehmi relations.Then only can a pure society be established.Indeed, parents should take great care for the sanctity of this because the examples of parents influence children.The Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) who understood human nature more than anyone else selected these verses for the n ikah sermon and thus made men and women realise at the time of jo ining in ma trimony, or tried to make them realise, to always remember that the bond of a husband and wife is a bond in which , whilst one has to have warm feelings and sentiments for one another, one also has to respect one another’s r ehmi relations.This is essential if one is a true believer.If one has fear of Allah the Exalted, then, one is obligated to utilise one’s apparent organs and limbs as well as one’s heart for the betterment of r ehmi relations.If women do not do this, or men do not do this, th en they should remember that Allah the Exalted is watching over them and can see their actions and deeds.When Allah the Exalted states that He is watching over them , He also chastises those practices of men and women, which do not realise the dues of r ehm i relations.Thus, from the very first day a man and a woman should come together in the bond of marriage with the thought that there is not just one bond to be fulfilled.The husband and wife do not only have each other’s relationship to fulfil,

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249 rather, t hey have to fulfil all the close relationships.This is the thought with which a wife should run her husband’s home and this is the thought with which a man should marry a woman; that is, they will fulfil the rights of their wider relationships, the r ehmi relationships in addition to their own relationship.If we understand this view thoroughly and then instil it in our society, there will be an extraordinary reduction in the number of conflicts that start with trivial matters and lead up to physical abuse and police involvement and result in k hula and divorce.Further, honesty is the root of all good.This is why when a man said he could only give up one vice and asked which vice should it be, the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) told h im to give up lying and always tell the truth.By following this, each time the man intended to do something wrong, one by one all his vices were removed.( Commentary by Imam Razi , Vol.16, p.176) This is the reason Allah the Exalted has stated to adopt h onesty.The second verse read at the time of n ikah, which the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) chose, states that righteousness is in saying what is right and clear.Some things are certainly true at times, but they can have many meani ngs, which can be both positive and negative.Some very clever people say what suits them and then say they

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250 meant such and such, and what they say is also correct but everyone else has another understanding of it.It is stated here; say q awl e s adeed [the right word], and q awl e s adeed means to say what is exceptionally clear and true.As I said, some people craftily say something, both men and women, especially when their cases of conflict are being presented or their matters are brought up.[God states] I t is stated that for one, say everything truthfully when arranging matrimonial matches.If a proposal comes for a girl, her health, age, height etc.whatever it may be, should be told very clearly.All the information should be given to the boy.However, a fter receiving the information, it is the obligation of the boys not to turn up simply to look at the girl.Rather, after receiving the information, they should pray and then only go with the intention of arranging a match.If they go with this intention a pure society will be created.When matches will be looked for with righteousness , girls will not experience the anxieties that they do.Similarly, boys should very clearly tell about their education, health etc.and if they have any shortcomings, these sh ould be communicated very clearly.Because q awl e s adeed entails that everything should be clearly explained before a match is arranged.If these matters are revealed beforehand there would be no question of conflicts and quarrels escalating later on.In s ome matches where girls come from Pakistan, India or other countries, matters are not disclosed

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251 correctly and clearly and lies are told.As a result, when the girls arrive here, within a short period the situation ends up in k hula or divorce, which is an e xtremely ab horrent act in the sight of God.I n spite of not being deemed h aram (forbidden) and being deemed permissible, it is still considered to be extremely abhorrent and should be avoided.Likewise, if the required information is provided beforehand ma ny instances of early k hula or divorce can be avoided.Some girls and boys wish to get married elsewhere but agree to go with the choice of their parents wherever the parents insist on them being married.These marriages break up after a short while.Paren ts should also employ q awl e s adeed and should tell the family with whom they are arranging match that they have pressured their son or daughter into the match so that the other party can make their decision judiciously.The basis of the mutual confidence that is built after marriage should also be on q awl e s adeed; on what is clear, unambiguous and truthful.Allah the Exalted knows human nature and has given upholding truth as the basic instruction for societal peace to help fulfil mutual relationships and to live in peace and wellbeing.It should be such truth which is not confusing in any way at all.It is stated that if one promises to always say what is clear and unambiguous and not go near lies and

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252 misinformation, Allah the Exalted guarantees forgivene ss of one’s sins.This causes o ne’s deeds to be reformed and obviously when deeds are reformed and one works to gain the pleasure of Allah the Exalted, then Allah the Exalted also loves that person.Just as I explained by giving the example of Hadith that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said to stop telling lies and your other vices will be removed.Thus, everyone should adopt this principle.Every person’s permanence, be it man or woman, is in obedience of the commandments of Alla h and His Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him).If one claims to be a true believer , be it a man or a woman, then one has to abide by the se commandments , therein is our success.One would garner bounties of Allah the Exalted in this life as wel l be ing the recipient of blessings in the Hereafter.The last verse also draws attention with reference to righteousness that this world should not be considered one’s sole wealth ; it should not be considered that this world is everything.Be aware and be mindful and this is not an insignificant matter, so be particularl y mindful what have you sent forth for tomorrow, what virtues are you practising? What righteousness have you adopted? Have you safeguarded your Salat? Have you fulfilled the dues of your hu sbands and have the husbands fulfilled the dues of wives? Have the dues of children

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253 been fulfilled? Have you upheld your pledges and protected your r ehmi ( familial ) relations? There will be accountability by Allah the Exalted for all of this, so be mindful of what you have sent forth because the real blessings which will be everlasting are the blessings of the Hereafter.Remember not to think that your practices in this world are hidden from Allah the Exalted.Allah the Exalted states that He is well aware of everything you do.This verse is yet again reminding that the root of every evil is in not following righteousness and not paying attention to it.Thus, if you want real moral and spiritual advancement, remember it is not possible without faith and beli ef in Allah the Exalted and sincere practice of His commandments.Therefore, matrimonial matters and fulf ilment of relationships appear to be a worldly pursuit but for a believer , even his worldly pursuits are for the sake of his faith.An Ahmadi believing man or woman indeed has to and should live his or her life in the manner that would fulfil his or her pledges.Then alone will they become recipients of blessings and will be fulfilling the pledge that an Ahmadi makes with the Imam of the Age, the Promise d Messiah (on whom be peace) after entering the Jama’at in the form of the pledge of allegiance of b ai’at.Our girls and women should also be mindful that their foremost obligation is to abide by righteousness and to seek the pleasure of Allah the Exalted.Marriage too is to seek the pleasure of God and for the

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254 continuation of pious progeny.In this regard , when enjoining men about the qualities they should look for and give preference to in a match , the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said a woman’s piety should be given preference.In a Hadith, Hazrat Abdullah bin Amr (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said that this world is a provision and the best entity of benefi t in the world is a pious woman.(Sunan ibn e Maja, Kitabul Nikah, No.1855) That is, a pious woman is the best among the provisions needed to spend life in this world.Likewise, another Hadith relates that Hazrat Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him ) narrates that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) said, ‘a woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status, her beauty and her religion, but you should give preference to a religious woman.May God bless you and enable you to get a religious woman.’ ( Bukhari , Kitabul Nikah, No.5090) Thus, if our men also abide by righteousness and keep these qualities in view, every girl will follow virtuous ways more than ever.With the grace of Allah the Exalted our girls, our young women generally follow virtuous ways.However, those who are influenced by society should also enhance their

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255 standards of virtue.When girls will enhance their standards of virtue considering it as a benchmark for matrimonial match, they will also tr y and seek those boys who have higher standards of virtues.Compatibility is in the standard of piety and righteousness being the same.It cannot be that a villain, a thief and robber says that he wishes for a pious and virtuous wife who abides by righteou sness.It should not be assumed that the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) considered men to be pious and thus told them that they all were very pious and were touching the high standards of piety therefore they should seek a pious woma n.He certainly prayed for the person [in the Hadith] because he must have known about his piety.However, he also imparted a matter of principle and told men that they too should become pious and then marry pious women.If they were not pious and were emb roiled in bad practices how could they seek pious wives? Indeed, it is a pious man alone who will seek a pious wife and thus man and woman will abide by righteousness and focus on establishing their relationship and raising pious children.Attention has be en drawn to the fact that they both should uphold virtues so that a pious generation ensues; a generation which would create a beautiful society which would abide by righteousness and a family which would abide by righteousness.

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256 Thus, lack of patience, lov e of the world and distance from righteousness has created fissures in the sacred relationships of husbands and wives in the world today.The solution lies in practising these Qur’anic commandments alone.I have to regretfully to say that our girls, women and men are being influenced by the current ways of the world.The Promised Messiah (on whom be peace) stated: ‘Do not emulate those nations who have fallen completely to materialism.’ ( Kashti - e - Nuh , Ruhani Khaza’in , Vol.19, p.22) Do not to follow those people who consider this world everything.The divorce rate in the world and in these [Western] countries has particularly gone up sharply.It has been high among materialistic people for a long time.Marriage lasts for a while and then breaks down.This e nvironment is affecting Ahmadis as well, not just here but also in Pakistan, India and other places.Therefore, we should be drawn towards our reformation, lest in i mitating the world we too drown ourselves in the darkness which is destroying the world and is responsible for its destruction.On the contrary, we should keep our weaknesses in view and focus on our reformation.A very worrying analysis has come before me as I review different countries.In general terms the situation is that our rate of divorc e and k hula is continuing to rise.The reason for this is impatience,

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257 lack of virtues and distance from righteousness.When I reviewed the situation of the last three years here in the UK, I was astonished that the rate of divorce and k hula has gone up app roximately 3% and 20% of all marriages are ending in divorce.This is a worrying situation and we need to pay a great deal of attention to it.When looked into, the reasons behind this are the ones I mentioned earlier; use of abusive language between husba nd and wife, bad morals and a lack of tolerance.There is also the interference of parents, siblings and relatives; be it the siblings and parents of the man or the woman.Interference in each other’s relations worsens the situation.Although it is enjoine d to fulfil r ehmi relations, parents and siblings are also commanded not to create conflict and to let the husband and wife live in peace.If this were practiced, relationships would never break so rapidly.Then there is also the factor of not being truthf ul.Boys come here from abroad to get married, girls here are educated.It is asserted that the boy is a graduate but is later found out that he has even failed his Matric and the relationship breaks.Similarly, shortcomings in girls are found out.So trut h should always be employed.In some cases the situation is so bad that I now want to say to older women that one of the complaints of relationships breaking is that mother s - in - law and father s - in - law hit their daughter s - in - law.Not only do they get the hus bands to hit them but they also strike them, which is not warrantable in any way.

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258 Once they are here, boys get involved in certain bad practices and do not want their wives to stay with them.If the wife is from Pakistan they want to take her back to Pakis tan under some excuse or the other.Mutual rights are not fulfilled and when the Jama’at tries to resolve matters, they do not cooperate with the Jama’at.In short, there are so many reasons which cause breakup of relationships and they are all based on on e factor – lack of righteousness , and for this reason the rate of breakups is continuing to increase.May Allah the Exalted give sense to men and to women in that abiding by righteousness they try and fulfil their relationships.We should pay heed to and v alue the favour bestowed on us by Allah the Exalted that He has included us in the Jama’at, we should have Allah’s pleasure in view and should be mindful of what we have sent forth for tomorrow rather than what personal gain we have made in this world.May Allah the Exalted enable all men and women to do so.’ (Address to ladies delivered at Jalsa Salana UK 23 July 2011.Published in Al Fazl International 4 May 2012) ****

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This book is a collection of sagacious pronouncements of His Holiness Mirza Masroor Ahmad, Khalifatul Masih V (May Allah be his Helper) giving solutions based on teachings of Islam to problems faced in domestic life.These discourses of His Holiness shine a beacon of light on how to live a happy married life for husband and wife and also on the best moral training of their next generations.

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